Confession
I had my christmas reconciliation today. It gave me the opportunity to just offer my sins to God and let them go. I did, not all of them, but the ones that are plaguing me particularly right now. I told the preist that I felt bad about being so unforgiving to my friends. Lately I haven't been talking to Irena because I am so very angry at her.
She told Amanda about a major secret that she swore to me she would keep to herself. Amanda then told Joanne. It's not like I don't trust Amanda and Jo, because I do, but the point is she told, when she promised not to. Yes I told Anthony, and Kate, but that's because those three are my best friends. Irena is the best of the best, there has never been one thing that I kept from her. And she told, she broke my confidence, and she doesn't even give a damn. She even made things up to go with the story to make it sound worse. I got mad, obviously, and I confronted her and said, why'd you tell? She simply said "because". Then, while I was mad at her, she told another secret that I had told her earlier! I couldn't believe it. Now we don't even talk, and she doesn't even give a shit!
It's just disheartening that I am still feeling anguish over Shauna being a terrible friend, being someone that I would have never guessed she was. And now, I lose confidence in my other best friend. They're dropping like flies, I just don't know what to expect from anyone anymore.
Anyway, this all brings me to what I told the priest. I told him that I felt bad for being so unforgiving and not just taking all this shit from my friends. Though I say I don't care about anything that Shauna does, I really do, I just don't act like it. I just don't get close to her or even barely talk to her anymore. I just don't feel it's worth it to get my hopes up that things might ever go back to normal, because I know she will just hurt me again and again, me or my other friends. And now I don't talk to Irena either... it's not like I wouldn't forgive her in a second, but she just doesn't care, she just doesn't talk back to me, it's like I'm trying to punish her or something, but she doesn't even need me. If she didn't talk to me for a while, I would notice and I would feel really bad, I would make such an effort, but neither her or Shauna care about me not talking to them. And the preist knew that's how they would act, he told me that they probably would never notice or give two shits... that I just need to find the strength and courage to get over it, and just accept them for who they are. I guess I will have to do that, but it's going to be hard. It's going to be tough.
She told Amanda about a major secret that she swore to me she would keep to herself. Amanda then told Joanne. It's not like I don't trust Amanda and Jo, because I do, but the point is she told, when she promised not to. Yes I told Anthony, and Kate, but that's because those three are my best friends. Irena is the best of the best, there has never been one thing that I kept from her. And she told, she broke my confidence, and she doesn't even give a damn. She even made things up to go with the story to make it sound worse. I got mad, obviously, and I confronted her and said, why'd you tell? She simply said "because". Then, while I was mad at her, she told another secret that I had told her earlier! I couldn't believe it. Now we don't even talk, and she doesn't even give a shit!
It's just disheartening that I am still feeling anguish over Shauna being a terrible friend, being someone that I would have never guessed she was. And now, I lose confidence in my other best friend. They're dropping like flies, I just don't know what to expect from anyone anymore.
Anyway, this all brings me to what I told the priest. I told him that I felt bad for being so unforgiving and not just taking all this shit from my friends. Though I say I don't care about anything that Shauna does, I really do, I just don't act like it. I just don't get close to her or even barely talk to her anymore. I just don't feel it's worth it to get my hopes up that things might ever go back to normal, because I know she will just hurt me again and again, me or my other friends. And now I don't talk to Irena either... it's not like I wouldn't forgive her in a second, but she just doesn't care, she just doesn't talk back to me, it's like I'm trying to punish her or something, but she doesn't even need me. If she didn't talk to me for a while, I would notice and I would feel really bad, I would make such an effort, but neither her or Shauna care about me not talking to them. And the preist knew that's how they would act, he told me that they probably would never notice or give two shits... that I just need to find the strength and courage to get over it, and just accept them for who they are. I guess I will have to do that, but it's going to be hard. It's going to be tough.