(no subject)
Try to detach.
I love my cousin so much, it was just so awesome seeing Ruth and Kell again. I truly truly needed it. I needed to get away from shit here, the definite shit that I feel every sinle day pounding and pounding. relentless.
Try to decrease.
You know, you try to cut down on the negativity in your life. You try to stop being negative yourself. You just put on a smile and be happy for the world (except for in your whiney little journal). You just shove it all into that little space underneath the bed that's deep inside.
To make it easier on me.
You think that's going to make things better, and it does. You can just go on being whoever people need you to be, want you to be. No matter what is happening, with few exceptions, I am able to maintain that I think.
Despise myself ...
But I get to my cousin's and I hear all of the wretched stuff that she has to live with, the kind of things that I could not wish upon anyone who is that loving and kind to the core. It makes me hate who I am, it makes me hate being a part of this fucked up world.
Hold yourself cause no one will.
I love her so much like I've said, she is such a force, such a strength, i could not live without. But when it comes down to it... I can do nothing for her, she can do nothing for me. We're all just in it for ourselves. I just envy the person who can truly say they are happy... and mean it.
I love my cousin so much, it was just so awesome seeing Ruth and Kell again. I truly truly needed it. I needed to get away from shit here, the definite shit that I feel every sinle day pounding and pounding. relentless.
Try to decrease.
You know, you try to cut down on the negativity in your life. You try to stop being negative yourself. You just put on a smile and be happy for the world (except for in your whiney little journal). You just shove it all into that little space underneath the bed that's deep inside.
To make it easier on me.
You think that's going to make things better, and it does. You can just go on being whoever people need you to be, want you to be. No matter what is happening, with few exceptions, I am able to maintain that I think.
Despise myself ...
But I get to my cousin's and I hear all of the wretched stuff that she has to live with, the kind of things that I could not wish upon anyone who is that loving and kind to the core. It makes me hate who I am, it makes me hate being a part of this fucked up world.
Hold yourself cause no one will.
I love her so much like I've said, she is such a force, such a strength, i could not live without. But when it comes down to it... I can do nothing for her, she can do nothing for me. We're all just in it for ourselves. I just envy the person who can truly say they are happy... and mean it.