I should have known better
*sigh* where to begin. Well the other day Elise and I were talking and I told her i feel safe when i talk to her and think about dating her and she said she felt the same way. And that she had been thinking what it would be like dating me the night before. I told her she could do better than me and she said dont say that. Never say that because you never know how the other person feels. I asked her how she felt and she said she wasnt going any farther than that because she'd hate herself later but it was a good thing that's for sure and that deep down i knew what it was. Well i wasnt sure how to take it but I thought that it meant that she loved me. At least that's what i got out of it. I thanked God right then and there because I had waited for this for so long. I didnt talk to her for a couple days but I prayed nonstop since she told me all that. Well I knew something was wrong with it because this kind of thing just doesnt happen to me. I hate being right. I talked to her tonight and asked her if we could talk about it and she said she didnt want to. Right there i knew this wasnt going to end well. I asked her if i could ask 1 question. She agreed and i asked her if she meant what she said. She said which part? I said all of it and she said yeah. She said she didnt want to talk about it again and i said ok. I talked with my sister about it so it's all good. She asked what my sister said. I told her that my sis told me she was worth waiting for. Now this is what gutted me. Elise said "John dont wait for me. I've already found my true love" She said well i dunno me and colby might not work out but we might. She was tryin to make me feel better but the damage was already done. I asked her how she felt about me. She said she loved me. I asked her if it was as a friend or how i loved her. She said mostly as a friend sometimes the other. I dont understand you can only love someone as more than a friend sometimes. You either do or you dont... I guess she doesnt. She said she didnt want to and i agreed and then she went to bed. I didnt know what to think... I mean what have i done in my life that makes me deserve to be constantly hurt by every girl i care about? I really thought that maybe this was what God was talking about when he told me that he had something great planed for me. This was the happiest I had been since before Caitlin left me.... Maybe God didnt even really say that... Maybe i was just telling myself that to make myself feel better. I should have known better. Women like her dont love men like me. I prayed so hard that this would work but yet again i found myself disappointed. I mean i'm not mad at Elise... i'm just really very hurt... Needless to say i've spent the last hour or so sobing... Guess that's what i get for being so dumb