I neglect you
I neglect this journal. I need to update it more often. I dont think many people read this so I'll keep this separate from everyone else.
I want NO ONE to know about my relationship with Caitlin. Just the thought of everything that happened has hurt me so much. I have no confidence and I dont have anywhere to vent myself except online. I Loved Caitlin so much and I thought she loved me too but she let our relationship die. She ruined our relationship. She is so worried about her and no one else. It's just so frustrating! I cant date anymore. I just cant. Everytime I think about it I start to just get this feeling.... it's indescribeable but it's the most empty feeling i've ever felt. I have to force myself to close up. It's just after the way caitlin did me I would rather die alone than to even risk dating someone like her again. I mean she left me for another guy practically. I mean she pushed me to break up with her. She didnt act like she cared when we did (too busy playin with derik) and infact she seemed relieved. I know she would deny it but everyone thinks this way. I mean i got like 3 or 4 different reasons for why we broke up. One was that she wanted to get right with God and didnt want to date yet just 2 or 3 weeks later she is with derik. One was she only dated me because she felt sorry for me and that she never loved me. Another was that we grew apart and derik was there. Then She tells me the only reason she dated derick was because he pressured her into it. It's all just a bunch of bull and everyone knows it except dana but she is too biased to look at the facts.... I'm just discusted with her and I hope I never fucking see her again and I hope she is alone as long as she is a selfish bitch.... I just want her out of my head.
Another problem i am having is that the best way i get over someone is to move on to someone else. Well the ONLY girl i trust enough to date or am even attracted to is elise. I am starting to let my feelings for her resurface and I CANT DO THAT! She is with colby and I like colby and I cant do that to them. I mean elise already knows how i feel and i always have felt that way. I just put it in the back of my mind but since there isnt anyone else i just dont know what to do. I hate relationships....
I want NO ONE to know about my relationship with Caitlin. Just the thought of everything that happened has hurt me so much. I have no confidence and I dont have anywhere to vent myself except online. I Loved Caitlin so much and I thought she loved me too but she let our relationship die. She ruined our relationship. She is so worried about her and no one else. It's just so frustrating! I cant date anymore. I just cant. Everytime I think about it I start to just get this feeling.... it's indescribeable but it's the most empty feeling i've ever felt. I have to force myself to close up. It's just after the way caitlin did me I would rather die alone than to even risk dating someone like her again. I mean she left me for another guy practically. I mean she pushed me to break up with her. She didnt act like she cared when we did (too busy playin with derik) and infact she seemed relieved. I know she would deny it but everyone thinks this way. I mean i got like 3 or 4 different reasons for why we broke up. One was that she wanted to get right with God and didnt want to date yet just 2 or 3 weeks later she is with derik. One was she only dated me because she felt sorry for me and that she never loved me. Another was that we grew apart and derik was there. Then She tells me the only reason she dated derick was because he pressured her into it. It's all just a bunch of bull and everyone knows it except dana but she is too biased to look at the facts.... I'm just discusted with her and I hope I never fucking see her again and I hope she is alone as long as she is a selfish bitch.... I just want her out of my head.
Another problem i am having is that the best way i get over someone is to move on to someone else. Well the ONLY girl i trust enough to date or am even attracted to is elise. I am starting to let my feelings for her resurface and I CANT DO THAT! She is with colby and I like colby and I cant do that to them. I mean elise already knows how i feel and i always have felt that way. I just put it in the back of my mind but since there isnt anyone else i just dont know what to do. I hate relationships....