Everything I love in the world (except Ali in a vase)
I should preface this post by saying that, for a moment, I seriously considered not making it.
I said to myself, self, no one besides you really cares, and moreover, do you REALLY want to show how freakishly often you have watched your show?
Then I noticed where I had paused it on, and realized I could not just identify the season, but in fact the exact moment taking place. (For the record, the first inside-the-house shot is of All-Stars, when Janie and Jase are making their week 1 nominations. I recognized Janie's green shirt, Boogie's Dolce shirt, Howie's hat, Danielle's bandana, the incredible paleness of Will, Marcellas's bathrobe, Kaysar's entire outfit, and Erika's hair before I realized that lying was not going to convince anyone, least of all me. Anyway.)
CBS's Big Brother is searching the country for people from all walks of life.
[pan over cities, with CBS superimposed over it]
[giant close-up of the CBS eye, which gradually withdraws into a glowing circle and is replaced by a map]
[the first map identifies such places as Butler, Zelienople, and New Kensington -- Pennsylvania]
[the second (upside-down!) identifies cancour and Manseau -- why does this look to me like Canada?]
[the third identifies Meadville, Cochranton, Franklin, and Sandy Lake, among others -- also in Pennsylvania]
[the fourth has Peribonka, Ste. Monique, St. Henri-de-Taillon, St. Coeur-de-Marie, and St. Nazaire -- this is also in Canada]
[the fifth is pretty close up; all we see is something-ville and soemthing-awrey -- can't figure it out, although I can guess based on the rest of it]
[the sixth includes Lac-Bouchette -- seriously, is this season's twist inventive use of Canadians?]
[the seventh includes State College, Huntingdon, and Lewistown -- again with the Pennsylvania]
[the logo in the lower left-hand corner, by the way, is closest in color to the BB3 one. Or maybe BB7. Kind of the average of the two.]
[back to the glowing hole through which the CBS eye fell before- no, I am not drawing the Freudian reference, but I want you to feel free to.]
[nomination ceremony, BB7 week 1, Jase and Janie speaking to- oh god, I seriously can identify EVERY SINGLE PERSON HERE, in order. I hate myself.]
[bb8, everyone on the couches the eviction ceremony gets held at, eleven people in the room, from just before the ex-factor enemies twist was revealed. It looks like Nick and Amber are on the purple couch in the back.]
[the camera zooms in on the bottles of wine they are sharing. ahahahahaha I LOVE YOU EDITORS.]
[Eric smiling in his shirt with the horse playing basketball, H-U-M-A- except his is in brown]
[Jameka looking kind of pensive, in the noms chair]
[Jen smiling like an idiot]
[Amber pouting]
[Zach looking like a tool in a blue and balck striped hat and a black hoodie]
[Mike in the HOH room in a tank top, looking like he just got an idea- oh my god, do you know what this means? I CAN FINALLY TELL MIKE AND ZACH APART. And it only took me, like, five months!]
[Dustin looking shocked in the HOH room when he hears Joe identifying him as his probable enemy]
[Nick being adorable with the long shaggy hair NICK WHY ARE YOU SO ADORABLE I LOVE YOU]
[Jen in the outside showers in a bikini, staring straight at the camera; I'm pretty sure that's Dick's back behind her]
[Dick at the kitchen table, raising his arms in victory a la Paul Gross]
Want to be a part of Big Brother?
[Jess, Eric, Zach, and Dick in togas; Dick and Jess attempt to high-five and miss]
[Eric (?) carrying Jess over his shoulder]
[Everyone in the costumes to mess people up during the veto comp from the week Mike gets evicted; we see the Mad Hatter hats and the bright red wig and Dani as a fairy with a mustache]
[Zach in his viking hat, showing his muscle]
Log on to cbs.com and apply today.
[close up of Dani as a fairy with the mustache- hee, and horns. I heart Dani.]
[Daniele and Zach hugging in the round room]
[Jameka at a table, celebrating]
[Eric during... I think the rock competition? He's wearing a bright blue plastic wig with pigtails and a red feather boa and sunglasses.]
[Zach, in Elvis hair, smashing a guitar during the rock comp]
...I really wish I were more ashamed of this than I am. But, well, last year I did the same thing. More than once. In fact, more than twice.
*gestures flailily*
Look, I know even fewer of you will be watching this winter than usual, due to the writers' strike, and I seriously do respect that. I also know that I have spent actual time over the past few weeks discussing how having the live feeds seriously improves my mental health (short version: it's white noise that's easier for me to handle than TV or music or anything else), which, honestly, means I've stopped even considering not watching. And I'm excited.
But I'd be MORE excited if I knew someone who was going to be on the show. I want to be someone's Big Brother coach! It is like my dream career! I WILL TELL YOU HOW TO OUTWIT AND OUTPLAY AND OUTLAST BEAT FELLOW UNDESERVING PEOPLE IN A NOBLE QUEST FOR HALF OF THE MONEY PEOPLE PLAY FOR ON SURVIVOR, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE IN THE HOUSE LIKE TWICE AS LONG.
I feel like it should take more than it does to move me from "horrible mood" to "ALLCAPS". But I can't really complain that it doesn't.
In conclusion, I think that this season of BB will star equal numbers of Pennsylvanians and Canadians, and possibly will involve wacky costumes.
I said to myself, self, no one besides you really cares, and moreover, do you REALLY want to show how freakishly often you have watched your show?
Then I noticed where I had paused it on, and realized I could not just identify the season, but in fact the exact moment taking place. (For the record, the first inside-the-house shot is of All-Stars, when Janie and Jase are making their week 1 nominations. I recognized Janie's green shirt, Boogie's Dolce shirt, Howie's hat, Danielle's bandana, the incredible paleness of Will, Marcellas's bathrobe, Kaysar's entire outfit, and Erika's hair before I realized that lying was not going to convince anyone, least of all me. Anyway.)
CBS's Big Brother is searching the country for people from all walks of life.
[pan over cities, with CBS superimposed over it]
[giant close-up of the CBS eye, which gradually withdraws into a glowing circle and is replaced by a map]
[the first map identifies such places as Butler, Zelienople, and New Kensington -- Pennsylvania]
[the second (upside-down!) identifies cancour and Manseau -- why does this look to me like Canada?]
[the third identifies Meadville, Cochranton, Franklin, and Sandy Lake, among others -- also in Pennsylvania]
[the fourth has Peribonka, Ste. Monique, St. Henri-de-Taillon, St. Coeur-de-Marie, and St. Nazaire -- this is also in Canada]
[the fifth is pretty close up; all we see is something-ville and soemthing-awrey -- can't figure it out, although I can guess based on the rest of it]
[the sixth includes Lac-Bouchette -- seriously, is this season's twist inventive use of Canadians?]
[the seventh includes State College, Huntingdon, and Lewistown -- again with the Pennsylvania]
[the logo in the lower left-hand corner, by the way, is closest in color to the BB3 one. Or maybe BB7. Kind of the average of the two.]
[back to the glowing hole through which the CBS eye fell before- no, I am not drawing the Freudian reference, but I want you to feel free to.]
[nomination ceremony, BB7 week 1, Jase and Janie speaking to- oh god, I seriously can identify EVERY SINGLE PERSON HERE, in order. I hate myself.]
[bb8, everyone on the couches the eviction ceremony gets held at, eleven people in the room, from just before the ex-factor enemies twist was revealed. It looks like Nick and Amber are on the purple couch in the back.]
[the camera zooms in on the bottles of wine they are sharing. ahahahahaha I LOVE YOU EDITORS.]
[Eric smiling in his shirt with the horse playing basketball, H-U-M-A- except his is in brown]
[Jameka looking kind of pensive, in the noms chair]
[Jen smiling like an idiot]
[Amber pouting]
[Zach looking like a tool in a blue and balck striped hat and a black hoodie]
[Mike in the HOH room in a tank top, looking like he just got an idea- oh my god, do you know what this means? I CAN FINALLY TELL MIKE AND ZACH APART. And it only took me, like, five months!]
[Dustin looking shocked in the HOH room when he hears Joe identifying him as his probable enemy]
[Nick being adorable with the long shaggy hair NICK WHY ARE YOU SO ADORABLE I LOVE YOU]
[Jen in the outside showers in a bikini, staring straight at the camera; I'm pretty sure that's Dick's back behind her]
[Dick at the kitchen table, raising his arms in victory a la Paul Gross]
Want to be a part of Big Brother?
[Jess, Eric, Zach, and Dick in togas; Dick and Jess attempt to high-five and miss]
[Eric (?) carrying Jess over his shoulder]
[Everyone in the costumes to mess people up during the veto comp from the week Mike gets evicted; we see the Mad Hatter hats and the bright red wig and Dani as a fairy with a mustache]
[Zach in his viking hat, showing his muscle]
Log on to cbs.com and apply today.
[close up of Dani as a fairy with the mustache- hee, and horns. I heart Dani.]
[Daniele and Zach hugging in the round room]
[Jameka at a table, celebrating]
[Eric during... I think the rock competition? He's wearing a bright blue plastic wig with pigtails and a red feather boa and sunglasses.]
[Zach, in Elvis hair, smashing a guitar during the rock comp]
...I really wish I were more ashamed of this than I am. But, well, last year I did the same thing. More than once. In fact, more than twice.
*gestures flailily*
Look, I know even fewer of you will be watching this winter than usual, due to the writers' strike, and I seriously do respect that. I also know that I have spent actual time over the past few weeks discussing how having the live feeds seriously improves my mental health (short version: it's white noise that's easier for me to handle than TV or music or anything else), which, honestly, means I've stopped even considering not watching. And I'm excited.
But I'd be MORE excited if I knew someone who was going to be on the show. I want to be someone's Big Brother coach! It is like my dream career! I WILL TELL YOU HOW TO OUTWIT AND OUTPLAY AND OUTLAST BEAT FELLOW UNDESERVING PEOPLE IN A NOBLE QUEST FOR HALF OF THE MONEY PEOPLE PLAY FOR ON SURVIVOR, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE IN THE HOUSE LIKE TWICE AS LONG.
I feel like it should take more than it does to move me from "horrible mood" to "ALLCAPS". But I can't really complain that it doesn't.
In conclusion, I think that this season of BB will star equal numbers of Pennsylvanians and Canadians, and possibly will involve wacky costumes.