This post is a displacement activity fae too much education and may safely Be Ignored.
Please note the tone of total hysteria and BE NICE. Important parts of my brain have melted and not in the xabi-alonso-eating-an-icecream Good Way. *twitches*
Dear crackettes (and crack -ers? NO WAY.),
Ignoring the shameful neglect of this dear little community (which is entirely my fault, please, do feel free to throw things *ducks*), I feel it is time certain 'things' were brought to light. Yes. Whether you want to hear it or not, this is the marginally edited version of the Infestation Files (football's slightly shameful secret); as brought to you by the crack-damaged minds of
deadxdreamer and
colourreporter . Some names should almost certainly be changed to protect the guilty innocent.
It's hard to say exactly when details of the infestation first became known to us. For some time we had suspected that there was Something Afoot in the Spanish National team.
And they call this "training" . . .
It is hard to imagine a more representative picture of eleven men all thinking ENTIRELY different thoughts than that, no?
No words are sufficient for that last picture (MIAMI VICE! SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER SPANISH NT AU! PLEASE?) *moves hastily on*. So. Some of these people were, almost certainly, Up To No Good.
And then, one by one, long glossy locks started dropping like strange long glossy flies. The insects, you weirdoes ;-). This isn't the Italian national team or anything sordid like that ;-).
WITNESS THE SPREADING! What could be the cause?
Long hair!
Short hair!
Long hair!
Short hair!
Long hair!
Short hair!
Long hair!
Short hair! okay. so in some cases this was a mercy.
There can only be one explanation! Some kind of terrible infestation. THUS:
Some people remain suspiciously unaffected. Of course, David Villa's hair is impervious to heat, water or fashion . . .
Anything that ventures into Puyol's hair without a map and a lunchbox has our sympathies.
We do not count Pepe Reina. Because whatever's going on with his hair, be it an excess of testosterone or something else, IT'S HOT. And was probably going to occur over the course of time anyway . . .
Luis Garcia's UberCuteTM is guaranteed 100% infestation resistant EVEN WHILE ASLEEP.
But Sergio's hair. Well.
Either he has a private account with the Rosicky range of styling products (London - Dortmund - Prague) or he's a carrier. And once you take that into consideration EVERYTHING becomes so much simpler:
This is the moment when we realised the horrible horrible truth. What's ailing these poor boys is an infestation of the Worst Kind. SQUIRRELS.
reasoning to follow, because i really CANNOT remember *headdesks*. No, that's untrue. After a wee search, I do know EXACTLY how the squirrel explanation came about. It's here. But plz plz plz bear in mind that reading this thread will make your brain turn into spun candy like mine and is NOT RECOMMENDED for humans.
No. Not Arsenal squirrels. although more on this later . . .
No. Not German squirrels, although we agree with Jens because he scares us, they are MUCH MUCH nicer than English squirrels. (Yes. That photo is of a squirrel watching a match in the World Cup. I believe it came from The Guardian (the photo, not the squirrel, natch). THIS IS ALL I KNOW; DON'T ASK ME!)
These are hardened, battle trained Spanish hair-infesting-squirrels. YES! BE AFRAID! And they're coming to a team near you! LOOK!
COMING UP IN THE NEXT EXCITING INSTALLMENT OF THE INFESTATION FILES: Thrill! as we explain the squirrelly tactics! Gasp! as we reveal evidence of their nefarious plans! Scream! as they make an appearance in your own dear team! Worry! about Tomas and Woo-kash and their all-too-perfick man-dos! WE DO. SHOULDN'T YOU?
oh god. someone take the keyboard away fae me now, huh?
Dear crackettes (and crack -ers? NO WAY.),
Ignoring the shameful neglect of this dear little community (which is entirely my fault, please, do feel free to throw things *ducks*), I feel it is time certain 'things' were brought to light. Yes. Whether you want to hear it or not, this is the marginally edited version of the Infestation Files (football's slightly shameful secret); as brought to you by the crack-damaged minds of
deadxdreamer and
colourreporter . Some names should almost certainly be changed to protect the guilty innocent.
It's hard to say exactly when details of the infestation first became known to us. For some time we had suspected that there was Something Afoot in the Spanish National team.
And they call this "training" . . .
It is hard to imagine a more representative picture of eleven men all thinking ENTIRELY different thoughts than that, no?
No words are sufficient for that last picture (MIAMI VICE! SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER SPANISH NT AU! PLEASE?) *moves hastily on*. So. Some of these people were, almost certainly, Up To No Good.
And then, one by one, long glossy locks started dropping like strange long glossy flies. The insects, you weirdoes ;-). This isn't the Italian national team or anything sordid like that ;-).
WITNESS THE SPREADING! What could be the cause?
Long hair!
Short hair!
Long hair!
Short hair!
Long hair!
Short hair!
Long hair!
Short hair! okay. so in some cases this was a mercy.
There can only be one explanation! Some kind of terrible infestation. THUS:
Some people remain suspiciously unaffected. Of course, David Villa's hair is impervious to heat, water or fashion . . .
Anything that ventures into Puyol's hair without a map and a lunchbox has our sympathies.
We do not count Pepe Reina. Because whatever's going on with his hair, be it an excess of testosterone or something else, IT'S HOT. And was probably going to occur over the course of time anyway . . .
Luis Garcia's UberCuteTM is guaranteed 100% infestation resistant EVEN WHILE ASLEEP.
But Sergio's hair. Well.
Either he has a private account with the Rosicky range of styling products (London - Dortmund - Prague) or he's a carrier. And once you take that into consideration EVERYTHING becomes so much simpler:
This is the moment when we realised the horrible horrible truth. What's ailing these poor boys is an infestation of the Worst Kind. SQUIRRELS.
reasoning to follow, because i really CANNOT remember *headdesks*. No, that's untrue. After a wee search, I do know EXACTLY how the squirrel explanation came about. It's here. But plz plz plz bear in mind that reading this thread will make your brain turn into spun candy like mine and is NOT RECOMMENDED for humans.
No. Not Arsenal squirrels. although more on this later . . .
No. Not German squirrels, although we agree with Jens because he scares us, they are MUCH MUCH nicer than English squirrels. (Yes. That photo is of a squirrel watching a match in the World Cup. I believe it came from The Guardian (the photo, not the squirrel, natch). THIS IS ALL I KNOW; DON'T ASK ME!)
These are hardened, battle trained Spanish hair-infesting-squirrels. YES! BE AFRAID! And they're coming to a team near you! LOOK!
COMING UP IN THE NEXT EXCITING INSTALLMENT OF THE INFESTATION FILES: Thrill! as we explain the squirrelly tactics! Gasp! as we reveal evidence of their nefarious plans! Scream! as they make an appearance in your own dear team! Worry! about Tomas and Woo-kash and their all-too-perfick man-dos! WE DO. SHOULDN'T YOU?
oh god. someone take the keyboard away fae me now, huh?