A Long Time
I don't really know anything. Throughout my life, I've just come up with makeshift replacements for common sense. I have no idea how to treat another person. You can watch sesame street for years and not know what to say to a girl. The only way I ever understood anyone was through the things that I wanted for myself. To see if they want it too. To share those things with other people. I don't have anything to say to anything else.
I mean, I don't really do anything amazing. I just amuse myself and make time go faster like everyone else does instinctively. I do what is easiest and that impetus makes me feel like I won't accomplish anything in my life. I just eat soft foods and sleep with the window open and the fan on during the hot days and pet my dog and fall asleep without anything to look forward to.
I don't even want anything sometimes. I don't know what the difference is between falling asleep alone and falling asleep next to someone. I feel so fat when I eat too much and I feel ugly when I look in the mirror. But I know this is mostly because I don't take care of myself. I only do what is easiest so I drink a lot of water and don't move much.
I come up with stupid things. It's what we all do. Things to form the days around like a skeleton for the flesh. What I want is to fly the same kind of kite I flew when I was a kid on the beach, surrounded by people, with no end to the sun and countless useless hours. Today, I want to lie in the grass and watch my kite sway in the sky. I want to ignore my repulsion of sands and grass and the outside ground. I want to be surrounded by something natural because I haven't for years. I want to hold your hand.
I don't like eating. If I could, I would eat only a bit of burnt bacon and steamed rice for dinner. I would sleep instead of eating. But I end up being awake at odd hours and eating whatever I can microwave. This is not what makes life tragic. What is tragic is being sad for no reason.
Of course I like talking about myself. It's all I ever really think about. It's what the words come out of. Things I need and want and things that bother me and things I want to share. I don't really need to share things. I really just need to say them to someone who can understand that I just have to say things.
I guess I can go to sleep now.
I mean, I don't really do anything amazing. I just amuse myself and make time go faster like everyone else does instinctively. I do what is easiest and that impetus makes me feel like I won't accomplish anything in my life. I just eat soft foods and sleep with the window open and the fan on during the hot days and pet my dog and fall asleep without anything to look forward to.
I don't even want anything sometimes. I don't know what the difference is between falling asleep alone and falling asleep next to someone. I feel so fat when I eat too much and I feel ugly when I look in the mirror. But I know this is mostly because I don't take care of myself. I only do what is easiest so I drink a lot of water and don't move much.
I come up with stupid things. It's what we all do. Things to form the days around like a skeleton for the flesh. What I want is to fly the same kind of kite I flew when I was a kid on the beach, surrounded by people, with no end to the sun and countless useless hours. Today, I want to lie in the grass and watch my kite sway in the sky. I want to ignore my repulsion of sands and grass and the outside ground. I want to be surrounded by something natural because I haven't for years. I want to hold your hand.
I don't like eating. If I could, I would eat only a bit of burnt bacon and steamed rice for dinner. I would sleep instead of eating. But I end up being awake at odd hours and eating whatever I can microwave. This is not what makes life tragic. What is tragic is being sad for no reason.
Of course I like talking about myself. It's all I ever really think about. It's what the words come out of. Things I need and want and things that bother me and things I want to share. I don't really need to share things. I really just need to say them to someone who can understand that I just have to say things.
I guess I can go to sleep now.