Loyalty
I'd be the first to admit that my past is shrouded in errors and dishonesty. Don't get me wrong. I used to lie, cheat and steal from many people. I fucked up alot. I accept that, but I don't need to have that past used against me. You either accept me for what I am, or you don't. If you don't then, I won't waste my time on you. Except this short period of time...
I stood up for our bassist through some misplaced sense of loyalty, as it was he who got me into the band in the first place. He used our "friendship" to badmouth me, and call me names claiming it was all fine because he did it to all of his close mates. In reality, he is nothing but a sad pathetic loser, with nothing better to do than slag off other people in a futile attempt to make himself feel better.
I'm sick of people using my own past against me. Ofcourse I don't expect people to forget about the way I used to be, but the thing is, is that it's the way I USED TO BE, not the way I am. Lora knows all about that, and she doesn't use it against me! It's annoying that I would try to defend someone who spent most of the time we spent together insulting me, albeit in the name of "banter", as he called it. This banter was just slag off Alex time. I don't need to surround myself with people like that.
All of this is futile anyway, because his posistion in the band was already almost sealed. I was the one who was sick of being the go between, and relaying messages to the bassist, who shall remain nameless, unless you know me. I just feel so stupid for trying to defend him, or at least feeling such a misplaced sense of loyalty. I feel annoyed with myself more than anything for being used.
Alas, it's all over soon. Such a shame that one of the only reasons that I was looking forward to coming home, is now also tainted. I don't have much faith, I'm not a religious man, but I do have belief in the concept of Karma. If it does exist, then I'm in a trough at the moment, and hopefully, I'm on the rise.
This has to be one of the longest troughs i've been through though. Just wish it would end. Still - this is character building I guess.
I stood up for our bassist through some misplaced sense of loyalty, as it was he who got me into the band in the first place. He used our "friendship" to badmouth me, and call me names claiming it was all fine because he did it to all of his close mates. In reality, he is nothing but a sad pathetic loser, with nothing better to do than slag off other people in a futile attempt to make himself feel better.
I'm sick of people using my own past against me. Ofcourse I don't expect people to forget about the way I used to be, but the thing is, is that it's the way I USED TO BE, not the way I am. Lora knows all about that, and she doesn't use it against me! It's annoying that I would try to defend someone who spent most of the time we spent together insulting me, albeit in the name of "banter", as he called it. This banter was just slag off Alex time. I don't need to surround myself with people like that.
All of this is futile anyway, because his posistion in the band was already almost sealed. I was the one who was sick of being the go between, and relaying messages to the bassist, who shall remain nameless, unless you know me. I just feel so stupid for trying to defend him, or at least feeling such a misplaced sense of loyalty. I feel annoyed with myself more than anything for being used.
Alas, it's all over soon. Such a shame that one of the only reasons that I was looking forward to coming home, is now also tainted. I don't have much faith, I'm not a religious man, but I do have belief in the concept of Karma. If it does exist, then I'm in a trough at the moment, and hopefully, I'm on the rise.
This has to be one of the longest troughs i've been through though. Just wish it would end. Still - this is character building I guess.