Day One: Roots
There’s this person. Called me.
I have to find her.
I took the weekend off from everything I could. Everything. Did some stuff just for me. Cleaned my room a little bit. Made a ridiculous comic about my ridiculous cat. Thought it’d help me get back in touch and back on track. But I felt so disconnected the whole time. Instead of settling the anxiety and confusion it amplified it. Seriously, it’s like high school all over again.
I guess it’ll have to be less of a vacation and more of a journey.
Day One: Roots
I had to go home and pick up my stupid scholarship check. It’s not for very much but it’ll feed me ‘til December. I figured I’d catch up with Fabio as long as I was there. We don’t talk very much. Our relationship didn’t exist until the divorce, and then it was, you know, there. And then last summer it stopped being there. My dad’s a dickweed, sometimes, but he could be a lot worse. Sometimes he’s a dickweed just because, but usually there’s some reason behind it. He’s got a lot of trouble explaining how he feels about things and so when he feels something, he just shuts down and locks himself away. And, if you corner him, out comes the dickweed. That’s half of why the marriage failed, I guess. It’s also a trait I happen to carry with me.
I told him everything. I didn’t mean to. It just all kept coming out. The whole entire everything that’s been going on since this semester started. Like I said, we don’t talk much, so I had a lot to tell. I meant to guard some details, to keep it basic, but it just kept coming, like some calm objective creature took over my voice and was retelling the story in a logical, understandable way. It was pretty fucking refreshing to get it all out there. It was also pretty fucking refreshing to hear that I’m right.
He didn’t just validate me by agreeing. He turned down the TV and listened. For almost three hours. In my entire life, I have never had my father’s undivided attention for that long. And I have never, never come before the television.
So. I know I have somewhere to go back to if ever the need arises. Somewhere I’m important, not critiqued. Funny how it didn’t work that way while I was there… but at least it’s there now.