(no subject)
I’ve decided to write a couple of letters and post them in here. Mostly to get them off of my chest so I can sleep at night. The following letters are addressed to people who will never read them, so it doesn’t matter anyway (like most things in my life these days). The 3 people who read my shit don’t have to read these. Nothing’s like “OMG Drama”, it’s just me rambling about nothing a little high on caffeine and thinking too much. So here we go:
Dear You,
Has it already been so long? I am shocked and surprised both by how quickly things have happened to our relationship and how quickly my thoughts have spun to you over the last months. Being as you will never read this I can say all the things I have wanted to for a long time.
Firstly, I am grateful for every nanosecond I have been fortunate to be with you. It seems like when I am not there are always little things that pop up that remind me of you. Sure I am being vague, but if I told you every little thing that would take away the mystery. I’m still in awe over the fact that you have taken a liking to me just as much as I have to you, even though the looks confuse me a lot of the times.
Secondly, when you are gone you will be missed. A day is going to come when we won’t see each other anymore and I will always treasure the things that have passed between us, whether they occurred at the crack of dawn (all the good things happen that way), or in the wee small hours of the evening. They are all special.
I see so much of what I hope to be in you. It makes me smile. Being as you’re never going to read this I can honestly tell you that I love you. I love you, I love you. Maybe one day I will actually say it, though your ears will be detached, I’m hoping.
Yours until that time comes,
SAC
Dear You,
February was a long time ago. But I still think about it. I remember everything about it. Secretly I wonder what might have been, but I try not to let it bother me. You know me though, it bothers me. Like a flea biting the fuck out of my heart. Biting so hard it makes my skin crawl. Seriously, I was a fool. I can tell you that. I can also tell you that I am not sorry for the things that happened, and the fact that we drifted far away was bound to happen, because people grown and I grew up (even though you beat me to it, damn you!). It doesn’t matter at all though, because I still see you sometimes. I still look at your number and think to call you, but I never do. It wouldn’t do you justice. I almost push that button every so often and think about hanging up after a single ring. But then, my number would hang out on the ID, and maybe my almost-call would be returned. I doubt it. That’s the part that makes me sorry. But, it’s okay. I’m not sorry that we crossed.
Because “XO” isn’t appropriate,
SAC
Dear You,
I sometimes wonder if there’s a trick to waking you up. Like an “open sesame” or something. Then sometimes I equate you to a wall. I can scream and cry and you’re just there absorbing it all. Of course, you know there might be that chance that you will bring it up randomly sometime. Then there are always the mind games I tell myself. Maybe this is less than I think, maybe it’s a fluke. No matter how many times somebody tells me otherwise I still don’t see it. It might be just as well if I were blind. If you’d be so inclined to tell me how you pushed those thoughts out of your head? What made it worth it? Maybe I need some. I know I need something. Friends are free, but are they enough? I’m beginning to doubt that. I just have to tough it out like always and lean against you even when doing so makes me colder, because I have decided that you are like a brick. You can’t give back the words and thoughts I have given to you. I need to learn to accept that. I need to learn that there are conditions to which neither of us applies. I guess that’s why there are songs for me to listen to. You know I care, but I will never say exactly how much, or at least until you do.
Long live the buddy system,
Sarah
How's that for emo?