Psychologists Determine Bush's Hatred of 'Global Test"
Psychologists Determine Bush's Hatred of 'Global Test"
A number of respected psychologists claim that they have found the psychological roots of President George W. Bush's disdain for John Kerry's proposed global test. An analysis of historical documents, standardized and college test scores, and a psychological evaluation has led researchers to believe that Bush has an extreme case of 'examophobia,' an inherent fear of tests and examinations.
"The President has always had trouble with tests throught his childhood and into his college years," said Dr. Kirk Castile, "he appears to have failed almost every one in his career."
Researchers believe that Kerry's evokation of the word 'test' caused the President to fall into a deep state of panic, which led to excessive blinking and hallucination, such as hearing voices and drinking from empty cups.
"The President is terrified. He had an extremely difficult time with his geography of the states tests, remembering all of the countries for a global test is overwhelming" said Castile.
The Republican Party has vigorously attacked Kerry for mentioning a test as 'dirty politics' and believes that it was intended to intentionally shake up the President.
"We believe this can help us improve our relations with the college-aged demographic," said Karl Rove, "that group in particular seems to share the President's hatred of tests. Just look at these Democrats, first they want a litmus test for judges, and now a global test. Students do not like chemistry or geography."
Kerry has repeatedly explained his actual meaning of the term 'global test,' but Republicans and the average television viewer has been unable to figure out what he means. When questioned about the inability of the average American to understand a fairly simple statement, RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie gave only a brief response.
"Well, now you can see why it is so important that we passed the President's No Child Left Behind legislation."
This has led the Republicans to unveil a new ad campaign:
No Quizzes
No Tests
No Homework
No Kerry
A number of respected psychologists claim that they have found the psychological roots of President George W. Bush's disdain for John Kerry's proposed global test. An analysis of historical documents, standardized and college test scores, and a psychological evaluation has led researchers to believe that Bush has an extreme case of 'examophobia,' an inherent fear of tests and examinations.
"The President has always had trouble with tests throught his childhood and into his college years," said Dr. Kirk Castile, "he appears to have failed almost every one in his career."
Researchers believe that Kerry's evokation of the word 'test' caused the President to fall into a deep state of panic, which led to excessive blinking and hallucination, such as hearing voices and drinking from empty cups.
"The President is terrified. He had an extremely difficult time with his geography of the states tests, remembering all of the countries for a global test is overwhelming" said Castile.
The Republican Party has vigorously attacked Kerry for mentioning a test as 'dirty politics' and believes that it was intended to intentionally shake up the President.
"We believe this can help us improve our relations with the college-aged demographic," said Karl Rove, "that group in particular seems to share the President's hatred of tests. Just look at these Democrats, first they want a litmus test for judges, and now a global test. Students do not like chemistry or geography."
Kerry has repeatedly explained his actual meaning of the term 'global test,' but Republicans and the average television viewer has been unable to figure out what he means. When questioned about the inability of the average American to understand a fairly simple statement, RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie gave only a brief response.
"Well, now you can see why it is so important that we passed the President's No Child Left Behind legislation."
This has led the Republicans to unveil a new ad campaign:
No Quizzes
No Tests
No Homework
No Kerry