(no subject)
well i think im getting
to experience the tiniest taste of insomnia. however, i know why i
cant sleep. it does suck though. i wish i could go for a run or
something right now. but its dark. mommy wouldnt like that. oh no she
wouldnt. if my sister weren't home id be having the time of my life
right now, but shes prone to report back to mommy. errgh. this sucks. i
havent not been able to sleep in like probably 10 months. once again, i
know the reason though and the fact that its been that long also makes
sense. i have NO idea what to do in this situation. i would go out and
cuddle with my bear but hes probably trying to sleep. and like i said
earlier, if left alone, i would have plenty more to do (now dont go
thinking all perverted on me...), but most of it would involve leaving
the house which i most definitely cannot do right now. i guess ill just
write to kill time. as soon as i see some daylight, im out of this
joint. so last night was Alex Anne's surprise birthday party. it was
EXTREMELY awkward when i first got there so i did that whole
I'll-just-pull-out-my-cellphone-so-I-look-like-I-have-friends
thing. nikki, you know what im talking about, you saw me haha. but
anyway, it stayed horribly awkward for about 20 minutes probably, but
then i joined myself into a conversation with Annie Zavidow(who had
been chatting with two other girls at the moment) because im a loser
like that (not the part that it was Annie, but that i joined myself
into someone else's conversation). so we chatted and it was really
nice. i havent talked to her in ages. shes still just as awesome
though. so then when everyone started smoking (by everyone, i mean
those who were over 18 of course...) Annie and I moved down to a corner
and dubbed in the, "non-smoking corner". it was later to become known
as the, "conservative corner". so then annie and i were sitting down
there and all these other people were around. oh wait, there were two
girls talking to Cara, but i dont remember who it was. anyway, i met
Cara last night. she is awesome as well. it was kinda weird cuz i always see
her friend Julia working at Ralphs, but up until yesterday i wasnt
quite sure who she was. we would kind of like do that whole thing where
you smile because you arent sure if you know the person or not. well
not know, but you know what i mean. (sorry for all the "know"s). so
Cara told me that next time I see her, i should mention her. if we dont
all ball up and get shy, then hopefully we'll hang out sometime. so
along with me, Cara, and Annie, I invited Chris (<3) and then
everyone in the circle next to us kind of dissipated except for
Brendan. soooooo... Annie was there until like 715 i'd say, and then
after she left, it was me, Chris, Cara, and Brendan in our little
"conservative corner" just talking until... errr... like 9? yeah i
think. like i told them, that was like the first "deep---ish"
conversation i had witnessed, slash been immersed in, in about 3
months. and let me tell you, it was very refreshing. one of the reasons
im trying to get out of high school is because i am sooo sick of all
this surface bullshit. not that community college kids are a whole lot
better, but i figure that if i speed up the process then im bound to
find some people who want to talk about more than what they did
yesterday. i know these people exist at mira costa, but im pretty sure
they have no interest in me (and yes, i have tried
to befriend a few). so maybe if i make some new friends (which, knowing
me, will fall through) then i will decide to stay in high school. ill
probably end up staying in high school no matter what as per my parents
and my chspe results. did i use "as per" correctly there? i dont know
why i chose that, it just sounded nice. anyhoo, im even more awake now.
wonderful. everyone is asleep. and im pretty sure i feel kind of sick
right now. maybe ill try bed again. i hope anyone whos reading this was
sleeping at this bloodshot-eye hour. ok, well i was going to leave, but
just one more thing. when i woke up and looked in the mirror, i saw a
broken blood vessel in my eye. i didnt not which eye it was, but i have
to wonder whether its because my bear scratched me or because im not
sleeping properly? the obvious answer would be the bear story, but i
dont remember which eye he scratched. so, this time, im going to go
back to the mirror and investigate and THEN try bed. farewell sillies.