(no subject)
I'm going to analyze myself.... just write and see what I come up with.
I'm pretty tall. When I was in middle school I had this big complex about it, you know, the whole "tall girl" syndrome, but once high school hit, everyone caught up.. so it wasn't so bad. I cut all my hair off for the first time in the eight grade. I used to keep it really long, and at one point, really blonde.
I also got my naval pierced in the eigth grade.
Dusty was the first person I ever thought I cared romantically about; I didn't. Chris was the first person I ever really cared about romantically; ironically enough, he was also the first person who ever hurt me. He's also the last person I've really cared about like that.
Nikki Williams was the first real best friend that I ever had. We used to spend the summers and every holiday in Rockmart where we dabbled in as much trouble as we could find. We didn't have to look too far, trouble had a way of finding us. My first boyfriend's best friend was her boyfriend (did you get that one?). Sometimes I miss knowing what's going on in her life. We were teenie boppers together.
I am terrified of dealing with conflict. Most of the time, my whole "avoid reality" mindset doesn't show much, but there are times when it catches up with me and I find myself in a huge heap of shit. I don't like being wrong. I refuse to change things about myself on purpose. My theory is that when the time for change comes, I'll just metamorphose naturally without much effort. I possess the qualites I have because of the things that I've been though, and I can't change those, so why force change upon myself? A lot of times my whole "theory on life" rubs people the wrong way; especially those who point out the traits that are not so attractive, but in the end, I don't pay too much attention to it.
I've changed my career three times. When I was younger I thought that I wanted to be a nurse. As soon as I realised that I don't like science, that idea was out the window. My mom was a nurse; so we all were brought up around the hospital and all. Later, when I got more into art (which I swore I would never want for a career) I decided it would be a good idea to major in advertising. It had all the qualities I wanted: lots of money, life in a big city, art, and psych... but... maybe a life in a big city corporate office isn't what I'm looking for. The more I think about the qualities that I look for in a career and in life the more I realise my attraction to the one career I told myself I'd never consider.... teaching. If I was an art teacher I'd get to work with young people and art in and enviroment where I have a positive effect on a community. My ideal job would be something more on a college level, like theory classes or something. Boring I know, but it's what I love.
Kayla is my best friend. She knows more about me than anyone else on the planet. At times, our relationship has been too close, because, yes, that is possible. There are times when we solely relied on eachother for everything because we never expanded friendships any further. We were all each other had because that's all we allowed ourselves. Now, we both have somewhat separate lives, but in a way, we'll always be the same. My life would be completely different if it wasn't for our friendship.
I love my dad more than anything else on the planet. At times I'm overcome with more hate for my dad than anything I've ever felt. I have a few memories (most good, but a few sour) about him from when I was little, but for the most part, my mom raised us. When I was 14 she died of unknown causes and we were forced to move in with him. Living with my step mom was harder than getting over the death of my best friend. When my dad was at his worst with his hepatitis C (bedridden) she refused to take care of him. She never kids and figured she could run us off; it probably would have worked if we would have had somewhere to go. Between beating the shit out of her a few times a week, taking care of my dad, watching after my brother and sister, keeping my grades up at school, working, and attempting to have a boyfriend, there was little time for me not to get bitter. After she left, dad drank like a fish. This period included episodes of leaving me public places, dropping me off at random parts of town, forgetting about me, getting me fired from a job, loosing all my trust, a never ending string of lies, the normal for your everyday drunk. For about a year I didn't even talk to him, just came and went as I pleased. I'm still mad, but he's made up for it. History always repeats itself, and its always in the back of my mind.
That's all for tonight, more tomorrow.
I'm pretty tall. When I was in middle school I had this big complex about it, you know, the whole "tall girl" syndrome, but once high school hit, everyone caught up.. so it wasn't so bad. I cut all my hair off for the first time in the eight grade. I used to keep it really long, and at one point, really blonde.
I also got my naval pierced in the eigth grade.
Dusty was the first person I ever thought I cared romantically about; I didn't. Chris was the first person I ever really cared about romantically; ironically enough, he was also the first person who ever hurt me. He's also the last person I've really cared about like that.
Nikki Williams was the first real best friend that I ever had. We used to spend the summers and every holiday in Rockmart where we dabbled in as much trouble as we could find. We didn't have to look too far, trouble had a way of finding us. My first boyfriend's best friend was her boyfriend (did you get that one?). Sometimes I miss knowing what's going on in her life. We were teenie boppers together.
I am terrified of dealing with conflict. Most of the time, my whole "avoid reality" mindset doesn't show much, but there are times when it catches up with me and I find myself in a huge heap of shit. I don't like being wrong. I refuse to change things about myself on purpose. My theory is that when the time for change comes, I'll just metamorphose naturally without much effort. I possess the qualites I have because of the things that I've been though, and I can't change those, so why force change upon myself? A lot of times my whole "theory on life" rubs people the wrong way; especially those who point out the traits that are not so attractive, but in the end, I don't pay too much attention to it.
I've changed my career three times. When I was younger I thought that I wanted to be a nurse. As soon as I realised that I don't like science, that idea was out the window. My mom was a nurse; so we all were brought up around the hospital and all. Later, when I got more into art (which I swore I would never want for a career) I decided it would be a good idea to major in advertising. It had all the qualities I wanted: lots of money, life in a big city, art, and psych... but... maybe a life in a big city corporate office isn't what I'm looking for. The more I think about the qualities that I look for in a career and in life the more I realise my attraction to the one career I told myself I'd never consider.... teaching. If I was an art teacher I'd get to work with young people and art in and enviroment where I have a positive effect on a community. My ideal job would be something more on a college level, like theory classes or something. Boring I know, but it's what I love.
Kayla is my best friend. She knows more about me than anyone else on the planet. At times, our relationship has been too close, because, yes, that is possible. There are times when we solely relied on eachother for everything because we never expanded friendships any further. We were all each other had because that's all we allowed ourselves. Now, we both have somewhat separate lives, but in a way, we'll always be the same. My life would be completely different if it wasn't for our friendship.
I love my dad more than anything else on the planet. At times I'm overcome with more hate for my dad than anything I've ever felt. I have a few memories (most good, but a few sour) about him from when I was little, but for the most part, my mom raised us. When I was 14 she died of unknown causes and we were forced to move in with him. Living with my step mom was harder than getting over the death of my best friend. When my dad was at his worst with his hepatitis C (bedridden) she refused to take care of him. She never kids and figured she could run us off; it probably would have worked if we would have had somewhere to go. Between beating the shit out of her a few times a week, taking care of my dad, watching after my brother and sister, keeping my grades up at school, working, and attempting to have a boyfriend, there was little time for me not to get bitter. After she left, dad drank like a fish. This period included episodes of leaving me public places, dropping me off at random parts of town, forgetting about me, getting me fired from a job, loosing all my trust, a never ending string of lies, the normal for your everyday drunk. For about a year I didn't even talk to him, just came and went as I pleased. I'm still mad, but he's made up for it. History always repeats itself, and its always in the back of my mind.
That's all for tonight, more tomorrow.