An Honest Effort (X-Posted from OD)
First off, I'm going to make a true effort to keep this diary going on a daily basis. And, well, if that means two sentences a day, so be it. I need an outlet, a valve, a purge. I hope this will eventually serve as thus. Keeping it inside, to myself, (my thoughts, emotions and even my dreams), has shown to be of no true value.
As much as I hate silence, with myself or with others, it's become almost fascinating. How long can I stay silent without exploding into tiny bits and pieces? I suppose that remains to be seen.
Nevertheless..
Misunderstanding. Wandering. Sax Playing. Searching. Hoping. Wondering. Dreaming. Thinking. Understanding.
I wrote this as the description for myself to go on the left side of the diary. Although I'm sure it will change soon, I'm going to attempt to define those blanket words as they relate to me anyway:
Misunderstanding - Constantly. I feel as though nobody ever fully understands me. I feel as though, at times, I never fully understand anyone else. Misunderstanding seems to be the root of all conflict lately, be it with school, band, my mother, or even my friends.
Wandering - Through life, that is. Just wandering along, at the moment. I guess I am searching for true purpose.
Sax Playing - A lot. Playing the saxophone is a joy, yet also a frustration. Nevertheless, it certainly is a passion of mine. It may end up being my livelihood one day. That remains to be seen too.
Searching - Guess this is a bit synonomous to wandering. I'm infinitely, or so it seems, searching for human connection, understanding, friendship, and a place to reside, emotionally.
Hoping - I have hope. Not always, but most times. I hope that I won't go through life feeling alone. I hope that I will be successful. I hope I'll find great meaning in living. I hope that I will make a great impact on someone's life. I hope that I will find raw happiness. I hope that I will come to understand people. I hope that I will come to understand the language of music. I hope that I will come to understand the world.
Wondering - I do this with everything. I ponder a lot, wonder a lot, analyze a lot.
Dreaming - While asleep; while awake.
Thinking - What is there to say about this?
Understanding - Very little it seems at times. Yet there are others where I just cannot believe how much I can grasp in the realms of my imagination, thoughts and pondering.
Even after all this, I still don't really know who I am. Maybe nobody else does either.
As much as I hate silence, with myself or with others, it's become almost fascinating. How long can I stay silent without exploding into tiny bits and pieces? I suppose that remains to be seen.
Nevertheless..
Misunderstanding. Wandering. Sax Playing. Searching. Hoping. Wondering. Dreaming. Thinking. Understanding.
I wrote this as the description for myself to go on the left side of the diary. Although I'm sure it will change soon, I'm going to attempt to define those blanket words as they relate to me anyway:
Misunderstanding - Constantly. I feel as though nobody ever fully understands me. I feel as though, at times, I never fully understand anyone else. Misunderstanding seems to be the root of all conflict lately, be it with school, band, my mother, or even my friends.
Wandering - Through life, that is. Just wandering along, at the moment. I guess I am searching for true purpose.
Sax Playing - A lot. Playing the saxophone is a joy, yet also a frustration. Nevertheless, it certainly is a passion of mine. It may end up being my livelihood one day. That remains to be seen too.
Searching - Guess this is a bit synonomous to wandering. I'm infinitely, or so it seems, searching for human connection, understanding, friendship, and a place to reside, emotionally.
Hoping - I have hope. Not always, but most times. I hope that I won't go through life feeling alone. I hope that I will be successful. I hope I'll find great meaning in living. I hope that I will make a great impact on someone's life. I hope that I will find raw happiness. I hope that I will come to understand people. I hope that I will come to understand the language of music. I hope that I will come to understand the world.
Wondering - I do this with everything. I ponder a lot, wonder a lot, analyze a lot.
Dreaming - While asleep; while awake.
Thinking - What is there to say about this?
Understanding - Very little it seems at times. Yet there are others where I just cannot believe how much I can grasp in the realms of my imagination, thoughts and pondering.
Even after all this, I still don't really know who I am. Maybe nobody else does either.