Death and Realization (X-Posted from OD)
This is a piece I wrote quite some time ago...
A morbid wind smacked her cheeks as the rain came down in quarter-sized drops. Angela could see nothing but rain --
sweeping,
sweeping,
sweeping across the sidewalk which her feet rested upon. The reality of death became all too obvious.. her best friend was gone. Forever. She stood, though she knew not for how long, as the rain pounded her body with so much force that it felt like iron fists, hitting her from every direction. She realized, too, that she was completely soaked with a mixture of tears and the violent rain waters that continued to gnaw at her skin.
"How can this be?," she asked her self, over and over and over and under her words were sobs. Angela had been standing in the same place, feet nailed to the ground with the hammer of her heavy heart. Was it Day? Night? Angela could hardly remember what time it was, and the storm seemed to make it harder to figure out. It was dark. Perhaps late evening. How long had she spent there?
Slowly, the drops became nickel-sized, less painful, then dime-sized, less painful, and then.. the rain stopped. Stopped. Just like that. Stopped. Angela wondered if someone or something - well whoever controlled the rain - had taken pity on her pain-striken soul.
But Angela was wet. Wet and Cold. But at least the fists, the drops, were no lnoger beating on her. She gathered up every bit of strength she had and took a step in the direction away from the hospital, toward her empty home. "Am I really here?" It was all surreal, strange. Then another step, followed by a succession. Another and another. As she walked, her mind began to wander. Had she fed the dog? Washed the dishes? Done the laundry? "Wait! What the hell am I thinking?" Angela couldn't believe she was even mauling over these things. Did this mean.. mean.. that she was already moving on... or that she was heartless? No. Angela's heart was there -- heavy as lead. She knew this, even if she didn't know what time it was, she knew this.
She watched the cracks in the sidewalks pass under her soppy shoes as she forged ahead. She reached her doorstep after what had seemed like days, no, weeks of travel.
Something inside Angela possessed her to turn around, to look back in the direction she had come from. She glanced back, then up at the sky just in time to see a rainbow fading away. She felt her sadness mesh with a sliver of hope. After all, wasn't that what a rainbow was supposed to mean? Hope. Yes, it was cliche, she realized. But it was still Hope -- that life could be lived without her soulmate.
She stared for quite awhile before realizing that the dog surely had to be hungry, that dirty dishes were piled high in the sink and that the laundry hamper was overflowing with soiled and filthy clothes. There was a lot to do. Small things. Little things. And her heart was still there. So was the pain. But now, just as simply as the rain had stopped, she had been handed a small shred of hope. She felt different now .. less ashamed. And so she turned back around.
And proceeded to live.