(no subject)
My grandma died today. I left work early and for the first time in a while I saw most of my relatives. [most of which i still don't know how we are related.. but that's besides the point] The point is, why do we wait until someone dies before we realize how much they mean to us? We are all guilty. That person you only met once all of a sudden becomes your best friend once they pass on. All I could do was sit and listen to the stories and be there for those who were hurting the most. I spent most of the evening watching my mom sweep the house and rearrange the furniture. I guess that's just how she is dealing with the loss of her mom.
I have convinced myself that within this past month everything has fallen apart. I wanted to make others happy but didn't know how or even how to make myself happy. To see the people I love the most in pain was killing me. I guess I just stopped all together. Now that my grandma is gone there is no more feeling sorry for myself. I have no other choice right now than to be strong for my mom and the rest of my family. I can't ask for help because I don't need it the most and wouldn't have anyone to go to in the first place.
I don't know how well I'm going to handle the next few weeks. I just hope that I can help my mom through this hard time. I know it has to be difficult.
RIP - Memaw