Coppa Spam
(More interest in blousing one's kit than playing is a really bad sign.)
There's not much to say about this match, really -- Fiorentina were awful and absolutely deserved to lose, particularly since Toro bothered to try, and actually were interested in playing the match. Honestly, pretty much no one in purple did anything good, apart from maybe Kuzi, who at least had his head right when he came on, and tried to make something happen. Storari, too, did himself proud in his first (only?) Viola appearance, making a massive save 1 v 1 late in the match to keep Toro within reach (not that it mattered).
Fiorentina 0-1 Torino
Scorers: Bianchi 19 (T)
Fiorentina: Storari, Zauri (Comotto 72), Da Costa, Kroldrup, Pasqual, Donadel (Santana 58), Melo, Almiron (Kuzmanovic 37), Jovetic, Gilardino, Mutu
Torino: Calderoni, Colombo, Natali, Pisano, Rubin; Ogbonna, Dzemaili, Zanetti, Vailatti (Saumel 71); Amoruso (Ventola 46), Bianchi (Stellone 31)
"Dude. So many fucking kids are downstairs. Who let them in here?"
"There are about a billion kids here, man, I barely escaped with my life! They shouldn't be allowed to travel in packs like that."
10 minutes earlier:
Kids: "Puf-fy coats. PF-FY COATS!"
ADV: *tries uselessly to hold back the purple wave*
Corvini's inner voice: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Kids: *smuggity* (Plz to be ignoring that one who lost a hand in the frenzy. Accidents happen, ok?)
At least three times as many kids as fans, easy.
There were so few fans that the photo guys were reduced to taking pictures of giant banners.
Giant banners that got hundreds of seats to themselves, since no one else wanted them.
(Well, there was one fan there. &hearts)
So, of the three people who were supposed to start up top and impress everyone, only Jojo was available by the time gametime rolled around.
And, honestly, he probably wishes he wasn't -- he did NOTHING the whole match.
Toro played mostly starters with a handful of kids mixed in, but it didn't matter who Jojo was going against, he didn't give any of them even the slightest problem. *sigh*
Also getting a rare (rare, RARE) start was Da Costa.
He, too, was poopy. The goal happened in part because he reacted so late, and he didn't do a single useful thing all day.
He did get close to the goal once, but failed to actually get a body part on the ball as it went by.
(Natali was worried, but he needn't have been.)
It's obviously impossible to guess what'll happen when the transfer window opens, but if Corino can find anyone to take Da Costa off his hands, it'd be shocking to see him still around in February.
Zauri started next to him, on the right side.
Why, yes, he also sucked! I can see you're starting to catch on here.
On the other side, Pasqual was less aggressively shit than, say, Da Costa.
That is not, however, to say that he did much that was good.
He did manage to get forward a couple times, though, and also got a shot off. That, alone, probably puts him in the top three or so performers for the match. *sigh*
Krol's crap was like Pasqual's -- more just not doing much that was good, rather than actively being awful.
He was still plenty fierce, though. That was somehow reassuring.
Krolmonster: "Mmm ... Amoruso. If only he was made of vegetable matter, I'd devour him right here."
Almiron got the start in the midfield.
He didn't do anything, either. (OHAI DZEMAILI.)
And then, to make matters worse, he screwed up his shoulder and had to go off in the first half.
The only good thing about Almiron's injury is that Kuzi came on for him, and he didn't suck.
Unlike his teammates, he was at least focused on the task at hand and was intermittently effective.
Donadel, meanwhile, was not effective at all. Poor guy.
After an hour, Santana replaced him. Guess what? He didn't do anything, either!
Let's see, who else sucked.
Oh yeah, Gila!
Don't let these illusions of effort deceive you, he didn't do anything.
Well, apart from missing a point-blank header that even you and I would have scored. In our sleep!
(Pretending to concentrate.)
Now, granted, he wasn't expecting to play and probably has been understandably ignoring the match since Sunday, but still.
I mean, you're playing a crappy team in the tournament that gives you your best chance for silverware. How can you not get up for that, if only because it potentially means adding some goals to your season total?
Mutu was marginally better, if only because he tried.
Which is something, at least -- how embarrassing would it have been if the captain didn't bother?
Sadly, he stopped working quite as hard in the second half, and started to blend in with everyone else's fail.
Apart from this one play, when he zipped in and got the ball just before Calderoni recovered it.
(Granted, nothing came of it, but still. EFFORT!)
Also, Calderoni made a massive save on one of Mutu's free kicks in the second half, but other than that he really was never threatening.
Wow. Natali is a very, very large man.
You could tell he'd lost all interest by the end, because this was an AWFUL tackle, and he didn't even get pissy about it, just sort of rolled his eyes and moved on.
(Fuckle.)
Mmm ... Melo.
He did try, but it was all totally aimless -- you could almost see him deciding (often) that NOW was the team to shake off the sucking.
It rarely really worked, but good god, look at his thighs.
It's really a pity for Storari that his one match was so dismal by everyone else.
And so unfair that virtually all the pictures of him involving failing.
*pats him*
"I smell something funny."
"Aw, man. Did I step in crap? Do they let dogs in here?"
*slowly realizing the smell is from his team's performance* (Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week.)
Home to Samp on Sunday.