(no subject)
i usually tell myself that i dont talk to people because of their flaws. i pick apart people and analyze them until i find something wrong with them. at which point, i distance myself, or not.
it amazes me how finicky i am. one moment happy, the next im dissapointed in myself for a million valid reasons. i wonder why i choose to distance myslef from some people, yet stay close to others. or better yet, why i distance myself from people i really want to get to know. scratch that. i distance myself from THOSE people because i think theyll see my flaws, and pick me apart, the way i sometimes do.
i used to be immensely self-concious in high school. i thought i got over that. i think i really started to. now i get these little panic attacks where i think ill never be pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, GOOD enough for anyone. and i hate it.
i still havent decided if long distance realtionships work. i want mine to work more than anything, yet i panic that he wont want me anymore. why would he choose to be with someone who lives 8 hours away? especially when hes voiced his opinions about hating our distance.
i want to be this good person, but i get in this "funk". i get moody, or act like i dont give a fuck, or dont return calls when i should. sometimes i dont even bother answering the phone. not because i dont want to talk whomever is calling, but because i feel like its pointless when i talk.
i havent done anything i really love lately. no recent photography, not a whole lot of reading, definitely not expressing my thoughts in a paper or online journal. and yet, seventy percent of the time it doesnt bother me.
i dont feel very passionate about much anymore. my photography is still important to me, but im never happy with it.
dont pay attention to me.
im in a mood. i cant explain anything.
it amazes me how finicky i am. one moment happy, the next im dissapointed in myself for a million valid reasons. i wonder why i choose to distance myslef from some people, yet stay close to others. or better yet, why i distance myself from people i really want to get to know. scratch that. i distance myself from THOSE people because i think theyll see my flaws, and pick me apart, the way i sometimes do.
i used to be immensely self-concious in high school. i thought i got over that. i think i really started to. now i get these little panic attacks where i think ill never be pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, GOOD enough for anyone. and i hate it.
i still havent decided if long distance realtionships work. i want mine to work more than anything, yet i panic that he wont want me anymore. why would he choose to be with someone who lives 8 hours away? especially when hes voiced his opinions about hating our distance.
i want to be this good person, but i get in this "funk". i get moody, or act like i dont give a fuck, or dont return calls when i should. sometimes i dont even bother answering the phone. not because i dont want to talk whomever is calling, but because i feel like its pointless when i talk.
i havent done anything i really love lately. no recent photography, not a whole lot of reading, definitely not expressing my thoughts in a paper or online journal. and yet, seventy percent of the time it doesnt bother me.
i dont feel very passionate about much anymore. my photography is still important to me, but im never happy with it.
dont pay attention to me.
im in a mood. i cant explain anything.