my love weighs a ton
i'm in a listing mood again.
1. i made a major work-related mistake. i wrote a pilot i was hired to write before the network and studio approved the outline. i like getting a headstart, and i stupidly thought maybe i'd presaged all their comments and concerns. instead, i've gotten notes on the outline that irrevocably change what i've already written, which means i've got double the work in half the time. it shouldn't really matter, because the pilot is based on a book, and i'm embarrassed to say i've even read it, let alone adapted it. and what's worse is it'll probably make the air. because i don't like it. and that's what happened with my friend liz last year; she didn't like her pilot, and now you can watch it mondays at 9. it's always the ones you don't want to go that make it on.
2. in my other pilot news, since i'm doing two this season, i'm working with a network i like a lot, and two producers that are by far the best in the business (i've worked with them before). the depressing thing is, however, that we have absolutely no idea still what this show is going to be about, and i have to turn in a draft by november 21st. so, i have about four weeks to outline AND write a draft. never gonna happen. i have a feeling this pilot will roll to next year, and that sucks cause i could use the extra dough to finance:
3. my move back to new york, which i'm still fretting over. i spent last week there looking at apartments and being sick (damned fall cold). i saw a couple places but none i loved, and the idea of t moving to ny is bothering me. i know it shouldn't; he's great, i love him, we've lived together out here two years no problem. it's just that i think the people i really love aren't in new york any longer. dan, dane, christian, shana and kiki are all out here now. so the new york with my support system i hated leaving three years ago actually won't be there when i go back. it never is - you never can go home again and all that -- but still, i'm alarmed that maybe i'm not ready to move back. maybe i won't be able to handle the change. i hate los angeles more than anyone, but i love my yard, and so does isobel. i don't know if i can handle having a big dog in new york with no yard. and about t, i just wonder if he hasn't romanticized new york like so many los angelenos have, and when he gets there and discovers the road rage he feels when a bad driver cuts him off on the 101 is really no different than the rage you feel when someone doesn't hold the doors for you on the subway he might regret the move. i couldn't deal with him regretting the move. so i'm trying to make sure we have a nice kitchen so he can just cook his troubles away, and i can get fat with impunity.
4. ex's movie coming closer every day. and strangely, now i don't really care. but that's today.
5. we're out to an actor anyone reading this would deem as terrible for my film (even though i actually believe in him and his abilities). but i don't care. at this point, i just want to get the movie made. how is it possible to have two multiple oscar nominees in your film, and still not get it made? drives me batty. i feel like i'm wasting said nominees' time. they've hung on for nearly two years. how much longer will the wait?
6. i can't shake the feeling that trying to help, sustain, shape, mold, or control other people's careers and life choices is draining me. i really wish i didn't have this instinct, but i can't help it. when i see a talented person who is down on themselves, or struggling, i just have to jump in there are help them. and i think maybe i have to stop. more on this later.
7. the joan didion ripped me to shreds and put me back together again. it is the first contemporary masterpiece i've read in i don't know how long. it makes the corrections look like lipstick jungle.
1. i made a major work-related mistake. i wrote a pilot i was hired to write before the network and studio approved the outline. i like getting a headstart, and i stupidly thought maybe i'd presaged all their comments and concerns. instead, i've gotten notes on the outline that irrevocably change what i've already written, which means i've got double the work in half the time. it shouldn't really matter, because the pilot is based on a book, and i'm embarrassed to say i've even read it, let alone adapted it. and what's worse is it'll probably make the air. because i don't like it. and that's what happened with my friend liz last year; she didn't like her pilot, and now you can watch it mondays at 9. it's always the ones you don't want to go that make it on.
2. in my other pilot news, since i'm doing two this season, i'm working with a network i like a lot, and two producers that are by far the best in the business (i've worked with them before). the depressing thing is, however, that we have absolutely no idea still what this show is going to be about, and i have to turn in a draft by november 21st. so, i have about four weeks to outline AND write a draft. never gonna happen. i have a feeling this pilot will roll to next year, and that sucks cause i could use the extra dough to finance:
3. my move back to new york, which i'm still fretting over. i spent last week there looking at apartments and being sick (damned fall cold). i saw a couple places but none i loved, and the idea of t moving to ny is bothering me. i know it shouldn't; he's great, i love him, we've lived together out here two years no problem. it's just that i think the people i really love aren't in new york any longer. dan, dane, christian, shana and kiki are all out here now. so the new york with my support system i hated leaving three years ago actually won't be there when i go back. it never is - you never can go home again and all that -- but still, i'm alarmed that maybe i'm not ready to move back. maybe i won't be able to handle the change. i hate los angeles more than anyone, but i love my yard, and so does isobel. i don't know if i can handle having a big dog in new york with no yard. and about t, i just wonder if he hasn't romanticized new york like so many los angelenos have, and when he gets there and discovers the road rage he feels when a bad driver cuts him off on the 101 is really no different than the rage you feel when someone doesn't hold the doors for you on the subway he might regret the move. i couldn't deal with him regretting the move. so i'm trying to make sure we have a nice kitchen so he can just cook his troubles away, and i can get fat with impunity.
4. ex's movie coming closer every day. and strangely, now i don't really care. but that's today.
5. we're out to an actor anyone reading this would deem as terrible for my film (even though i actually believe in him and his abilities). but i don't care. at this point, i just want to get the movie made. how is it possible to have two multiple oscar nominees in your film, and still not get it made? drives me batty. i feel like i'm wasting said nominees' time. they've hung on for nearly two years. how much longer will the wait?
6. i can't shake the feeling that trying to help, sustain, shape, mold, or control other people's careers and life choices is draining me. i really wish i didn't have this instinct, but i can't help it. when i see a talented person who is down on themselves, or struggling, i just have to jump in there are help them. and i think maybe i have to stop. more on this later.
7. the joan didion ripped me to shreds and put me back together again. it is the first contemporary masterpiece i've read in i don't know how long. it makes the corrections look like lipstick jungle.