it's close
the third lead for my film committed on thursday. this week, i will either have financing and be shooting my first movie in the fall in new york city, or i will have no movie and no television show and will be writing the jenna jameson story for showtime.
so, how does this all work out? and what kind of preparation have i not yet done?
it's all so weird, it really is. if this doesn't happen, after all my tireless efforts (and the tireless efforts of my producer, my line producer, my casting director and my dp and production designer who have been SO patient, waiting in the wings, NOT TAKING JOBS in the hopes that this comes through), i will be severely depressed. however, another kind of depression will set in if it DOES come through; the how do i not make a bad movie kind. i really hope this works out. this film will be a humble thing for me. my friends already worry about my big head but the truth is, i will be too humiliated on a daily basis to have one. plus the idea of the havoc it will wreak on my relationship and life out here in los angeles, as i will be in new york from july 1 to nov 14 with maybe only one trip back. surely t can visit me, but the pets can't, and most of my friends can't. but still, it's an adventure.
i just hope it happens. if it does, i have an immensely cool cast, the kind i will be forever grateful to, totally fortunate to have. they may look strange on paper, but i cannot imagine anyone better for each of the parts. truly a dream come true. real actors; those with talent, grace and class, those who take their jobs seriously. those who want to do right by me and the characters and the story. i was briefly involved with an actor who possessed none of those charicteristics, and i am glad he is now off this project. (i don't think i ever mentioned him here, so don't go fishing). it just goes to show you -- the wrong actors win oscars sometimes.
god, i am so nervous. i can barely sleep. i need this to happen, for both my career and my sanity. it has been a five year journey, and it is time to see if what i have to say about the world is of any particular interest to anyone outside my own anus (to quote james brooks).
if it happens, i am also eternally grateful to the people on my side of the fence; my boyfriend, and my friends shana, liz and dan who have never stopped working on me to propel me forward no matter how much i ask of them.
so please, say a little prayer for me tonight. a prayer that involves people trusting me with 8 million dollars of their money, 8 million i have done nothing to deserve.
so, how does this all work out? and what kind of preparation have i not yet done?
it's all so weird, it really is. if this doesn't happen, after all my tireless efforts (and the tireless efforts of my producer, my line producer, my casting director and my dp and production designer who have been SO patient, waiting in the wings, NOT TAKING JOBS in the hopes that this comes through), i will be severely depressed. however, another kind of depression will set in if it DOES come through; the how do i not make a bad movie kind. i really hope this works out. this film will be a humble thing for me. my friends already worry about my big head but the truth is, i will be too humiliated on a daily basis to have one. plus the idea of the havoc it will wreak on my relationship and life out here in los angeles, as i will be in new york from july 1 to nov 14 with maybe only one trip back. surely t can visit me, but the pets can't, and most of my friends can't. but still, it's an adventure.
i just hope it happens. if it does, i have an immensely cool cast, the kind i will be forever grateful to, totally fortunate to have. they may look strange on paper, but i cannot imagine anyone better for each of the parts. truly a dream come true. real actors; those with talent, grace and class, those who take their jobs seriously. those who want to do right by me and the characters and the story. i was briefly involved with an actor who possessed none of those charicteristics, and i am glad he is now off this project. (i don't think i ever mentioned him here, so don't go fishing). it just goes to show you -- the wrong actors win oscars sometimes.
god, i am so nervous. i can barely sleep. i need this to happen, for both my career and my sanity. it has been a five year journey, and it is time to see if what i have to say about the world is of any particular interest to anyone outside my own anus (to quote james brooks).
if it happens, i am also eternally grateful to the people on my side of the fence; my boyfriend, and my friends shana, liz and dan who have never stopped working on me to propel me forward no matter how much i ask of them.
so please, say a little prayer for me tonight. a prayer that involves people trusting me with 8 million dollars of their money, 8 million i have done nothing to deserve.