Prompt #15 - The Not-So-Happy Birthdays
Title: The Not-So-Happy Birthdays
Author: angelikitten
Wordcount: 1046
Rating: Adult
Summary: Revenge is best served with cake.
Disclaimer: Seriously, DO NOT OWN.
Authors' Note: The blowtorch thing? I’ve been told that it actually works. I can’t wait to try it!
Lex was unhappy. He was not happy in the slightest. He was unhappy because it was his birthday, and none of his friends had come to his party. Not a single one of his friends had come to his party.
This might have had something to do with the fact that he had no friends. He had plenty of employees at LuthorCorps. He had plenty of people who worked for him, but no friends. This was because he was rarely nice to people. He wasn't nice to people often. None of Lex's employees ever thought it was a good idea to tell him this, because they quite liked being employed.
If Lex had invited his employees to his party, lots of people would have been there. Many people would have been there. But instead, no-one was there, which is why Lex was unhappy.
Lex looked at the one birthday card he had received. That was one more than the number of people who had turned up to his party! He was even more unhappy when he realised that El Dragón had sent the card. Then he noticed that there was a note inside the card. He became aware that there was a note inside it.
Lex,
I am so sorry that I can't come to your party. I'm so sorry that I cannot come to your party. Superman has told everyone to stay away from you today, because he wants to punish you. He wants to make you pay for that last robbery you did, seeing as you didn't go to jail for it.
I've bought you a present anyway. I've used money to buy you a present, I really hope you like it. Someone should be delivering it to you soon. Someone should be transporting it to you soon.
Love,
El Dragón
There was a knock on the door. There was a loud bang on the door. When Lex opened it, there was a box outside.
Lex looked in the box. He used his eyes to see what was in the box. Inside the box, there was a huge cake. There was a really big cake, which would have been good to share with the people at his party. If anyone had turned up.
~*~
A few months later, El Dragón was in his kitchen. He was in the room in his apartment where food was cooked and prepared. He was in the kitchen because he was baking a cake for Superman's birthday. He was using the oven to make a cake, because he was the only one of the superheroes who had time to make it before Superman's party.
He had to make a really special cake. He had to make an extraordinary cake if he was going to get Superman's attention. He thought that, if Superman liked the cake enough, Superman might be nice to him. Superman might be friendly towards him, and who knew where that could lead? Especially as it was common knowledge that Superman was addicted to cake. He could not live without cake and would do anything to get any. In fact, he had already made offers to both Green Lantern and Flash this month. He'd proposed that, if they brought him cake, he would have hot mansex with them. He'd made a similar offer to Wonder Woman the month before, but she'd rejected it swiftly. She had hit him over the head with the handle of her whip, and told him that it was never going to happen.
In order to make the best cake that he could, he had asked for advice from everyone he knew. He had requested advice from everyone, including Lex, even though he had still been very upset that Superman had ruined his birthday. Despite being upset, Lex had helped El Dragón. He had aided El Dragón by giving him a special recipe for icing. Even though some of the ingredients were a little odd, Lex swore that it was the best recipe. He promised that it was the best recipe, and would make the best icing Superman had ever had.
"There's one more thing." Lex had said. "There's another thing I want to suggest in addition to the recipe. Seeing as it will be a very big cake, you might want to light the candles after you give it to Superman. You might want to light them subsequent to giving him the cake, just in case there's an accident - you don't want to set the whole room on fire if you drop it, do you?"
El Dragón had thought that this was a great idea. He'd thought that it was a really good idea, especially as it would mean that he could light the candles with his new blowtorch and make it look really spectacular. So on the day of the party, he put the icing on the cake and grabbed the candles and his blowtorch before heading to Superman's place. He did all those things prior to heading to Superman's place.
When Superman saw the cake, he grinned. He smiled in a big way.
"But the candles aren't lit!" Supergirl exclaimed. "The candles aren't burning! We can't sing 'Happy Birthday' until the candles have been lit."
"I shall light them all simultaneously." El Dragón explained. "I shall light them all at once - with this blowtorch!"
Everyone gasped. They drew in breath sharply in surprise. Someone whooped. El Dragón suspected that it was Robin. He thought that it was Robin, because Robin always got excited by new gadgets.
El Dragón waited until everyone was silent. He waited until no-one was making a sound before lighting the blowtorch.
It definitely looked spectacular. It looked amazing, but not because of the candles being lit. It looked amazing because, without him even holding the blowtorch close to it, the icing on the cake had ignited. It had suddenly caught fire, making everyone jump away.
Everyone except Superman.
Superman had been sitting in a chair close to the cake, and couldn't move because of the crowd around him. He couldn't move because of the many people around him. El Dragón could already tell by Superman's lack of eyebrows that there would be no offer of hot mansex for him any time soon.
And that's terrible.
Author: angelikitten
Wordcount: 1046
Rating: Adult
Summary: Revenge is best served with cake.
Disclaimer: Seriously, DO NOT OWN.
Authors' Note: The blowtorch thing? I’ve been told that it actually works. I can’t wait to try it!
Lex was unhappy. He was not happy in the slightest. He was unhappy because it was his birthday, and none of his friends had come to his party. Not a single one of his friends had come to his party.
This might have had something to do with the fact that he had no friends. He had plenty of employees at LuthorCorps. He had plenty of people who worked for him, but no friends. This was because he was rarely nice to people. He wasn't nice to people often. None of Lex's employees ever thought it was a good idea to tell him this, because they quite liked being employed.
If Lex had invited his employees to his party, lots of people would have been there. Many people would have been there. But instead, no-one was there, which is why Lex was unhappy.
Lex looked at the one birthday card he had received. That was one more than the number of people who had turned up to his party! He was even more unhappy when he realised that El Dragón had sent the card. Then he noticed that there was a note inside the card. He became aware that there was a note inside it.
Lex,
I am so sorry that I can't come to your party. I'm so sorry that I cannot come to your party. Superman has told everyone to stay away from you today, because he wants to punish you. He wants to make you pay for that last robbery you did, seeing as you didn't go to jail for it.
I've bought you a present anyway. I've used money to buy you a present, I really hope you like it. Someone should be delivering it to you soon. Someone should be transporting it to you soon.
Love,
El Dragón
There was a knock on the door. There was a loud bang on the door. When Lex opened it, there was a box outside.
Lex looked in the box. He used his eyes to see what was in the box. Inside the box, there was a huge cake. There was a really big cake, which would have been good to share with the people at his party. If anyone had turned up.
~*~
A few months later, El Dragón was in his kitchen. He was in the room in his apartment where food was cooked and prepared. He was in the kitchen because he was baking a cake for Superman's birthday. He was using the oven to make a cake, because he was the only one of the superheroes who had time to make it before Superman's party.
He had to make a really special cake. He had to make an extraordinary cake if he was going to get Superman's attention. He thought that, if Superman liked the cake enough, Superman might be nice to him. Superman might be friendly towards him, and who knew where that could lead? Especially as it was common knowledge that Superman was addicted to cake. He could not live without cake and would do anything to get any. In fact, he had already made offers to both Green Lantern and Flash this month. He'd proposed that, if they brought him cake, he would have hot mansex with them. He'd made a similar offer to Wonder Woman the month before, but she'd rejected it swiftly. She had hit him over the head with the handle of her whip, and told him that it was never going to happen.
In order to make the best cake that he could, he had asked for advice from everyone he knew. He had requested advice from everyone, including Lex, even though he had still been very upset that Superman had ruined his birthday. Despite being upset, Lex had helped El Dragón. He had aided El Dragón by giving him a special recipe for icing. Even though some of the ingredients were a little odd, Lex swore that it was the best recipe. He promised that it was the best recipe, and would make the best icing Superman had ever had.
"There's one more thing." Lex had said. "There's another thing I want to suggest in addition to the recipe. Seeing as it will be a very big cake, you might want to light the candles after you give it to Superman. You might want to light them subsequent to giving him the cake, just in case there's an accident - you don't want to set the whole room on fire if you drop it, do you?"
El Dragón had thought that this was a great idea. He'd thought that it was a really good idea, especially as it would mean that he could light the candles with his new blowtorch and make it look really spectacular. So on the day of the party, he put the icing on the cake and grabbed the candles and his blowtorch before heading to Superman's place. He did all those things prior to heading to Superman's place.
When Superman saw the cake, he grinned. He smiled in a big way.
"But the candles aren't lit!" Supergirl exclaimed. "The candles aren't burning! We can't sing 'Happy Birthday' until the candles have been lit."
"I shall light them all simultaneously." El Dragón explained. "I shall light them all at once - with this blowtorch!"
Everyone gasped. They drew in breath sharply in surprise. Someone whooped. El Dragón suspected that it was Robin. He thought that it was Robin, because Robin always got excited by new gadgets.
El Dragón waited until everyone was silent. He waited until no-one was making a sound before lighting the blowtorch.
It definitely looked spectacular. It looked amazing, but not because of the candles being lit. It looked amazing because, without him even holding the blowtorch close to it, the icing on the cake had ignited. It had suddenly caught fire, making everyone jump away.
Everyone except Superman.
Superman had been sitting in a chair close to the cake, and couldn't move because of the crowd around him. He couldn't move because of the many people around him. El Dragón could already tell by Superman's lack of eyebrows that there would be no offer of hot mansex for him any time soon.
And that's terrible.