Texas Christians
So I'm in Texas right now. A little town called Pearland, not far outside of Houston. My cousin Paul graduated High School and, since everyone came out to see me graduate, we all came out to see him. I actually really like it out here. Green and blue is such a nice break from brown and brown. They're in a draught right now, which means all the water is suspended in the air instead of falling, and the showers only last a few minutes and are really light. It's also hot. I love it. About 90 degrees F with something like 70% humidity everyday. My parents hate it - lol.
G-chan was supposed to come with me, but had to stay to do his cooking final. I miss him, but we're headed back tomorrow. I miss my babies, too, we had to board the cats Wednesday afternoon. And it was a long drive and they cried and it just tore my heart out!
The airport drama wasn't really interesting. Our flight got delayed because of mechanical trouble, but only for about two hours, maybe three. Apparently my Grandparents' flight was also delayed for mechanical trouble (they were coming from Ohio) and they waited a full day. It all worked out. The graduation ceremony was long and boring, with lots of bleachers and lots and lots of students being called up one at a time. Thankfully we were in the shade, and the sun was totally set about halfway through. My Aunt also has three dogs, and a friend of hers has seven cats, so I've gotten some animal time to hold me over, too.
What prompts me to actually post (aside from a vague attempt to be not quite so hermit-like) was Now, my family - both sides - is Christian. My mom's family up in Salinas is actively involved in the church (more when my Grammy was alive, but they still go volunteer all the time). My dad's family is also extremely active, in fact, moreso. As in, my Grandma is a retired minister. My parents themselves are the least devout of their families it seems, we've never been more than a Christmas and Easter family. So, of course, Sunday morning here in Texas, the family goes to church.
This was by far the most uncomfortable I've been in recent memory. Surpassing dentist visits and that's saying something. (I think) My family knows I'm Buddhist but I went with them anyway. On the car ride over, I was already tense, I could tell I wouldn't like being there. I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've been to a church service since I started going to Temple. My plan was, if it got too bad, I'd just excuse myself and wander around a nearby store until it was over. Except that this church had NOTHING near it. It was a couple minutes driving to the nearest distraction. Plus, they had a thing saying 'please don't leave except for emergencies' so I was pretty much stuck. I didn't want to disrespect either the church or my family, so, yeah, very stuck.
So this church really likes to sing. They start at 10:45 and they didn't finish singing until almost 11:30. 1st song - Now is the Time to Worship (which is stuck in my head as I write this). I actually kinda like this song, it's not the kind of super slow and depressing song you find in a lot of hymnals. And I know it, so I start singing along and everything is fine...until a line in the chorus that says 'our God'. Oh yeah, really uncomfortable, chest tight and everything. I forget what the next song was, but it was very heavy on 'God is the only way to get into Heaven and if you don't believe in Him you will not be saved.' Little old Buddhist me was having a panic attack.
Now, understand that this wasn't a clashing of faiths. As you may have guessed, I was raised Christian and searched through several religions before I found myself to be Buddhist. I have no problem with Christianity or Christians in general (though the bible thumpers that belittle 'non-believers' and actively try to convert you make me regret that I'm a pacifist). The problem was that I was in a house of worship and it wasn't mine. A lot of the songs they sang, in another place, I might sing because some Christian music is really quite good! But singing it in church changes it from a nice song with a good message into a prayer and I just couldn't do it. I started having a panic attack bad enough that I thought I'd really have to leave and it would be an emergency. So i took off my prayer beads (I'd worn the necklace as well as two of those trendy bracelets) and I started to chant a prayer for tranquility and strength.
Except that I was in a Christian church. Praying to Buddha. It just felt so wrong. It felt disrespectful and about ten beads in, I had to stop. When the songs were finally over I joined the prayer, mentally altering it to feel comfortable, until the minister again started mentioning 'our God' and 'the one true way' and stuff like that. The entire service was about building on the foundation the apostles had made and how if you don't then nothing you've done in life will matter and Jesus Christ is the only way, etc, etc. Just my horrible luck I guess. I have no problem with people that believe it, that's their choice, but having it preached at me was a nightmare. At one point I was having horrible visions of someone snatching away my prayer beads and breaking them or throwing them on the ground or something.
Never again. Never ever again. Family can wake me up and go to church, I will stay in the hotel and do some meditation.
I did get a hold of myself. Basically I sat there for an hour, standing when the congregation stood and staring at the floor when they prayed. I got through it, but it made me physically ill and drained me so much I took a two hour nap with Sarah (the dog) when we got to my Aunt's house. The choir director was wearing a Spongebob Squarepants tie . . .
On a related note, did you know Texans have a Pledge to the Texas flag? Everyone said it after the Pledge of Allegience at the graduation and then said a group prayer. I made neither pledge and prayed to Buddha.
G-chan was supposed to come with me, but had to stay to do his cooking final. I miss him, but we're headed back tomorrow. I miss my babies, too, we had to board the cats Wednesday afternoon. And it was a long drive and they cried and it just tore my heart out!
The airport drama wasn't really interesting. Our flight got delayed because of mechanical trouble, but only for about two hours, maybe three. Apparently my Grandparents' flight was also delayed for mechanical trouble (they were coming from Ohio) and they waited a full day. It all worked out. The graduation ceremony was long and boring, with lots of bleachers and lots and lots of students being called up one at a time. Thankfully we were in the shade, and the sun was totally set about halfway through. My Aunt also has three dogs, and a friend of hers has seven cats, so I've gotten some animal time to hold me over, too.
What prompts me to actually post (aside from a vague attempt to be not quite so hermit-like) was Now, my family - both sides - is Christian. My mom's family up in Salinas is actively involved in the church (more when my Grammy was alive, but they still go volunteer all the time). My dad's family is also extremely active, in fact, moreso. As in, my Grandma is a retired minister. My parents themselves are the least devout of their families it seems, we've never been more than a Christmas and Easter family. So, of course, Sunday morning here in Texas, the family goes to church.
This was by far the most uncomfortable I've been in recent memory. Surpassing dentist visits and that's saying something. (I think) My family knows I'm Buddhist but I went with them anyway. On the car ride over, I was already tense, I could tell I wouldn't like being there. I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've been to a church service since I started going to Temple. My plan was, if it got too bad, I'd just excuse myself and wander around a nearby store until it was over. Except that this church had NOTHING near it. It was a couple minutes driving to the nearest distraction. Plus, they had a thing saying 'please don't leave except for emergencies' so I was pretty much stuck. I didn't want to disrespect either the church or my family, so, yeah, very stuck.
So this church really likes to sing. They start at 10:45 and they didn't finish singing until almost 11:30. 1st song - Now is the Time to Worship (which is stuck in my head as I write this). I actually kinda like this song, it's not the kind of super slow and depressing song you find in a lot of hymnals. And I know it, so I start singing along and everything is fine...until a line in the chorus that says 'our God'. Oh yeah, really uncomfortable, chest tight and everything. I forget what the next song was, but it was very heavy on 'God is the only way to get into Heaven and if you don't believe in Him you will not be saved.' Little old Buddhist me was having a panic attack.
Now, understand that this wasn't a clashing of faiths. As you may have guessed, I was raised Christian and searched through several religions before I found myself to be Buddhist. I have no problem with Christianity or Christians in general (though the bible thumpers that belittle 'non-believers' and actively try to convert you make me regret that I'm a pacifist). The problem was that I was in a house of worship and it wasn't mine. A lot of the songs they sang, in another place, I might sing because some Christian music is really quite good! But singing it in church changes it from a nice song with a good message into a prayer and I just couldn't do it. I started having a panic attack bad enough that I thought I'd really have to leave and it would be an emergency. So i took off my prayer beads (I'd worn the necklace as well as two of those trendy bracelets) and I started to chant a prayer for tranquility and strength.
Except that I was in a Christian church. Praying to Buddha. It just felt so wrong. It felt disrespectful and about ten beads in, I had to stop. When the songs were finally over I joined the prayer, mentally altering it to feel comfortable, until the minister again started mentioning 'our God' and 'the one true way' and stuff like that. The entire service was about building on the foundation the apostles had made and how if you don't then nothing you've done in life will matter and Jesus Christ is the only way, etc, etc. Just my horrible luck I guess. I have no problem with people that believe it, that's their choice, but having it preached at me was a nightmare. At one point I was having horrible visions of someone snatching away my prayer beads and breaking them or throwing them on the ground or something.
Never again. Never ever again. Family can wake me up and go to church, I will stay in the hotel and do some meditation.
I did get a hold of myself. Basically I sat there for an hour, standing when the congregation stood and staring at the floor when they prayed. I got through it, but it made me physically ill and drained me so much I took a two hour nap with Sarah (the dog) when we got to my Aunt's house. The choir director was wearing a Spongebob Squarepants tie . . .
On a related note, did you know Texans have a Pledge to the Texas flag? Everyone said it after the Pledge of Allegience at the graduation and then said a group prayer. I made neither pledge and prayed to Buddha.