I'm going.
It didn't really seem like much to me, until this afternoon.
I'm going, again.
Only temporarily, and only to Kalamazoo, but... it's dropping all my stuff, again, taking two bags and seeing what happens, again, and figuring out how to make my way in an unfamiliar situation, again.
Strangely enough, I'm not leaving chaos and ruin in my wake. I'm actually going toward something, and leaving myself a life to come back to in the fall (with my woman in tow, with luck).
Hell, I'm one of twelve people spending the next eight weeks in a high intensity mathematical ecology study, and one of two who they're PAYING to be there. I should be proud. Instead, I feel like you do in cliff diving, right before you throw yourself off the edge. Whoosh. What the fuck am I thinking.
On the train Saturday morning, overnight in Chicago, and then I'm in the wilderness.
And oh yeah, I'm trying to finalize Melinda's immigration paperwork in the process.
I suppose it never really mattered whether this was easy or not. It just mattered that it was worth it. And my life right now IS worth it. I want my wife, and I want to be good at what I do. Those are my terms, I'll take the rest as it comes.
I'm going, again.
Only temporarily, and only to Kalamazoo, but... it's dropping all my stuff, again, taking two bags and seeing what happens, again, and figuring out how to make my way in an unfamiliar situation, again.
Strangely enough, I'm not leaving chaos and ruin in my wake. I'm actually going toward something, and leaving myself a life to come back to in the fall (with my woman in tow, with luck).
Hell, I'm one of twelve people spending the next eight weeks in a high intensity mathematical ecology study, and one of two who they're PAYING to be there. I should be proud. Instead, I feel like you do in cliff diving, right before you throw yourself off the edge. Whoosh. What the fuck am I thinking.
On the train Saturday morning, overnight in Chicago, and then I'm in the wilderness.
And oh yeah, I'm trying to finalize Melinda's immigration paperwork in the process.
I suppose it never really mattered whether this was easy or not. It just mattered that it was worth it. And my life right now IS worth it. I want my wife, and I want to be good at what I do. Those are my terms, I'll take the rest as it comes.