Coring
I feel very split in life, nowadays. A greater divide forms between my classics friends and my own life, the more and more I introduce Brandon into both. Yeah, we're still together, but it has been excessively difficult and emotional on my part, probably on his too.
He's been sick- like pneumonia or mono or something- for about three weeks, about since we broke up. Only finally, after each weekend and many nights I tried to bring him food, care for him, etc, is he starting to feel better. So his mood changes distinctly.
The sad part is that I'm less angry at how fickle he can be and how it abuses my sanity while he is either oblivious or uninterested, than I am relieved when he comes to me and shows affection.
It's an awkward time, when I am considering jobs, and a post-graduation career, and honestly wish to know if he considers me in his plans, as I would like to include him. If he got a job in California, would I follow him? Yes, but only if he asked and meant it. Would I go abroad, otherwise, probably so.
Last night we had a blast! There was an artsy/hipstery photo exhibit of B's friend Colin (about him, not by him). We stayed til closing, having drunk a few (free PBR, pfft), met people, socialized, etc. Good fucking times. Met up with his sister, who kind of dropped the ball and couldn't find the place until about midnight. Grabbed a beer at Benelux, all the while he was actually sexual. I don't think he's ever kissed me in public like he did that night.
Then we went back to campus, obviously bike bound, but certainly with some bad intentions for the James McGill statue. Like copulation. Burnside stairs, I will never look at you the same way again.
Is it just that he is more fun when he's drunk, because he doesn't have those same problems?
When these changes happen I cling to them but realize how tenuous and dangerous this dependency is. I am in love with this kid, but hate hate to admit it.
My school work is doing the same break. both suffering because when we come in at 2 am, I can only make myself stay up for another half an hour to work before passing out. Or I'm sick now too, or I'm spending all the time I can with him because he actually wants to, and needs this idea of productivity, socially. But, at the same time, when I sit down to a writing assignment, it seems to flow. Not that it is the highest quality and most insightful, but it's more effort than I usually give.
B'oh
He's been sick- like pneumonia or mono or something- for about three weeks, about since we broke up. Only finally, after each weekend and many nights I tried to bring him food, care for him, etc, is he starting to feel better. So his mood changes distinctly.
The sad part is that I'm less angry at how fickle he can be and how it abuses my sanity while he is either oblivious or uninterested, than I am relieved when he comes to me and shows affection.
It's an awkward time, when I am considering jobs, and a post-graduation career, and honestly wish to know if he considers me in his plans, as I would like to include him. If he got a job in California, would I follow him? Yes, but only if he asked and meant it. Would I go abroad, otherwise, probably so.
Last night we had a blast! There was an artsy/hipstery photo exhibit of B's friend Colin (about him, not by him). We stayed til closing, having drunk a few (free PBR, pfft), met people, socialized, etc. Good fucking times. Met up with his sister, who kind of dropped the ball and couldn't find the place until about midnight. Grabbed a beer at Benelux, all the while he was actually sexual. I don't think he's ever kissed me in public like he did that night.
Then we went back to campus, obviously bike bound, but certainly with some bad intentions for the James McGill statue. Like copulation. Burnside stairs, I will never look at you the same way again.
Is it just that he is more fun when he's drunk, because he doesn't have those same problems?
When these changes happen I cling to them but realize how tenuous and dangerous this dependency is. I am in love with this kid, but hate hate to admit it.
My school work is doing the same break. both suffering because when we come in at 2 am, I can only make myself stay up for another half an hour to work before passing out. Or I'm sick now too, or I'm spending all the time I can with him because he actually wants to, and needs this idea of productivity, socially. But, at the same time, when I sit down to a writing assignment, it seems to flow. Not that it is the highest quality and most insightful, but it's more effort than I usually give.
B'oh