(no subject)
Funny thing, when something that you should actually be sad about happens to you, thats when you realize how utterly happy you were before. And i am still very happy and very content but sad at the same time. So many friends are leaving, so many new, so many old. But the happiness that i feel just comes from satisfaction with my life. I have finally found my place, my moderation. Before I was just being wreckless, and doing a lot of whatever at once, weither it be drinking, or forcing myself to write, or even not drinking. I was leaving in extremes and excess. But i have finally started to figure out my balance. I have balanced my emotions, and the everyday things i do. This is just where the feeling of contention comes from though. The happiness was just because i looked back on my summer this year and realized I have lived life more this summer then i have in many years past. Instead of sitting around complaining when my main gang of friends were all at work or away. I have finally called the peoples who's names have been on my cellphone for a long time but everytime i went to call them I would think, "no, if they really wanted to hang out with me they would have called me, i probably annoy them" It was the mixture of these new and old friends that made things great. And i know i complained on this journal several occasions this summer, but 90% of the time that i am down, its because its 4 in the morning and i am the only one awake with no one to talk to and i can't get to sleep. The range of experiences i had this summer was just so wide. Some were good, some were bad, some were horribly stupid, and some were things to be proud of. And just the fact that i was able to fit all of that into 8 tiny weeks makes me so incredibly happy. The sad part about all of this is that so many people are going away just as I am really starting to apperciate life, and not in a cheesy, hippy, religious class way. Its nothing deep, just more i can look back on summer and think "wow what a great time." And if any of you going away to college didn't feel that this summer because of the over shadowing anxiety of leaving, don't worry your new experiences are ahead. I mean its unavoidable, your going to a new place, with new people, with all sorts of new freedoms. Its scary but so much fun at the same time. Anyway i know everyone who is going away will have a great time at college. Just don't forget to call me or write me back here in the good ol' garden state everyonce in a while. Oh yea and send me like cool t-shirts and shit, i will only be your friend if you send me a school t-shirt, or maybe a mug, even a key chain might get you by. But uhhh yea i will be here in jersey. so if you guys are in town for any reason, give me a ring a ling. I have run out of things to say. So if i don't see you before you leave. Have fun. Be safe. Don't slack off. And don't do anything i wouldn't do. Or do it anyway just to spite me i don't care.
This is the most emo entree i have had in a while. Then again, emo has never been this happy.
This is the most emo entree i have had in a while. Then again, emo has never been this happy.