When You Were Mine (14/?)
Title: When You Were Mine (13/?)
Author: fortunata13
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan
Rating: R
Warnings: None
Word Count: 4323
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Most certainly, I do not own these characters.
Summary: This chapter is jam packed with revelations. I'm talking surprises, secrets revealed, a geography lesson, Kahlan's big date with Sabrina, and more.
A/N: Gratitude to statuepup for keeping me honest and to the wonderful laurilee59 for the free legal advice. You two are awesome.
After releasing a gigantic yawn, Kahlan sat on the sofa next to Cara. “Aren’t you going to bed? It’s been a long day.”
“Not yet, I…not yet.”
“Is everything all right?” She ran her fingers through Cara’s hair and caressed her cheek with the back of her hand.
Cara shrugged. “There’s a lot going on -- too much maybe. I just want it to be over already. Combing over all the footage, the trial, the press; I wish it would all stop. Even if it means ending up in prison. I just wish it would all stop.”
Kahlan looked at her with her brow furrowed for a long moment, which earned her an eye roll from Cara. “You’re doing that thing again.”
“What thing?”
“Probing my mind to uncover my deepest secrets, or whatever.”
Kahlan tipped her head and parted her lips. “It’s the surveillance footage; it’s upsetting you.”
Cara sighed. “Yes, Amazing Kreskin, it’s upsetting me, only for me it’s not just footage, it’s my life, all of it, right there in those hard drives. Me as a little kid, me getting my ass kicked by Darken, me doing fucked up things that I didn’t want to do -- and that I certainly never wanted you to know I did.” She got up and walked over to the window. “Kahlan, I’m damaged goods. I’ll never be able to live a normal life, to feel things that regular people feel. I don’t want to sit in that courtroom listening to people dissect my life. And besides, for all I know, I did kill Darken and those other two guys.”
Kahlan didn’t move from her spot on the sofa. “Are you finished?” she asked once Cara stopped talking. “If you are, come sit here with me.” After a long moment, Cara hung her head and walked across the room to sit next to Kahlan again. “That footage is the past. Your life is here, right now, in the present. I’m not going to lie to you, the trial will be difficult, and there will be plenty of things that neither of us wants to relive, but we don’t have a choice. I am going to get you acquitted, Cara, and when I do, I’m going to make certain that everyone who had a hand in what happened to you is held accountable. Then, you and I are going to work together so that nothing like this happens to any other child in Aydindril. If you are willing to stay strong, maybe something good can come out of this. Demmin Nass is already behind bars; that alone is a huge accomplishment.”
Cara rested her elbows on her knees and, without looking up, said, “Go to bed.” Kahlan nodded and kissed her on the cheek. She’d known Cara for most of her life. Even as a little girl, she needed to work things out on her own. While Kahlan wanted nothing more than to hold her and make her feel safe and loved, she rose and disappeared behind the bedroom door, leaving Cara to work out her emotions. Late into the night, she tiptoed out of the bedroom and covered Cara with a blanket. “I love you so very much,” she said, closing her eyes for a moment before going back to bed.
***
“I like what you said.”
After rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Kahlan stretched her arms above her head, and asked, “I said something?”
“Last night, that thing you said about keeping stuff from happening to other kids. We should do that.” Kahlan smiled, and nodded. Cara had worked things out, just as Kahlan knew she would. “If we’re going to do that, you’re going to have to kick Cypher’s ass in court.”
“Oh, I plan on doing just that, trust me.”
Cara pursed her lips and thought for a moment. “And maybe I’ll have to step up, too.”
“Step up, how?” Kahlan asked before taking a sip of her coffee; Cara didn’t answer. Kahlan put her mug down on the kitchen counter. “Cara, talk to me. Step up, how? Are you keeping something from me because if you are --”
“I’m not,” Cara said, “I just need to think.”
Kahlan sighed; she didn’t like this one bit. “Baby, I suggest you share your thoughts with me, right now. Otherwise you may put me in an impossible position. I’m a trial lawyer, Cara; surprises are my least favorite thing in the world.” She waited for Cara to say something -- anything -- but she didn’t. Kahlan scowled and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.
“Temper, temper,” Cara said with a chuckle.
“I heard that,” said Kahlan, from behind the closed door. Cara smirked and busied herself setting the table for breakfast.
Just as they finished breakfast, the doorbell rang. “Thank you,” Kahlan said to the postman after signing for various pieces of mail, and tossing the rest of them on her desk. One bore the seal of San Marino -- a country she’d never heard of before.
“Cara,” she called out, “come look at this. Have you ever heard of this place?”
Cara smugly crossed her arms and said, “Why, yes, I have. San Marino is the oldest surviving sovereign state and constitutional republic in the world. It has a land mass of 23.63 square miles and a population of approximately 30,000 people. The official language is Italian, but Spanish is also widely spoken, and their currency is the euro.”
Kahlan’s eyes widened and she scratched her head. “And you know this because?”
“Clearly, because I’m a genius.” Kahlan tipped her head and waited for a more plausible reply. “Fine,” Cara finally said, “I have no life, so while you’re working I play Trivial Pursuit on your iPad.”
“That explains why my iPad’s gone missing.”
Cara gave an apologetic shrug. “It’s all part of my master plan. By the time the trial is over, my brain’ll be stuffed with all the useless information I need to become Jeopardy champion. I’ll use part of my winnings to buy you a new iPad, of course.”
“Whatever you say, baby. Now be quiet so I can figure out what this letter is about. Actually, no, it can wait,” she said, plunking it down on top of the impossibly large pile of mail she already had on her desk.
Cara frowned. “Do you like ever read your mail, clutter queen?”
Kahlan rolled her eyes and sighed. “Yes, of course I do, but it’s not a priority when I’m trying to keep someone I care about out of prison.”
“Fine,” Cara said, “but by the time the trial is over, you’re going to have to buy an industrial-sized shredder to get rid of this mess.”
“If that’ll put an end to your nagging, I will.” Before Cara could say anything, Kahlan kissed her on the nose and then on the lips. “You really do have the softest lips.”
“Yeah, and I have a nice ass, too. And for the record, I don’t nag.”
“We can debate that claim later but right now I have to go over my sister’s medical records.” She plunked down on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe I just said that. I am so angry at her, I can hardly stand it. This is all so unnecessary.”
Cara sat next to her and put her arm around her shoulders. “Maybe it’s like you said, maybe putting Dennee on the stand will fix things between the two of you.” Cara didn’t believe a word of what she was saying, but it seemed to make Kahlan feel better so she kept going. “I mean, your sister never had much use for me but she sure as hell loves you. Having to open up about the accident and listening to Richard’s testimony will probably sort it all out.”
Kahlan rested her head on Cara’s shoulder and rubbed her nose on her earlobe. “You don’t believe a single word of that little speech, do you?”
Cara considered going the righteous indignation route but decided to fess up instead. “The Richard thing could work. Knowing him, he’ll turn on the waterworks and get all dramatic about how I performed CPR on Dennee when her heart stopped. And he’ll go into that whole jazz about me saving his life, and about how I was the one who pulled them both out of the car before it exploded.”
Kahlan furrowed her brow. “Wait, what? Cara, none of that was in the police report. Why didn’t you say anything? I have to subpoena the officer’s dash cam, and get surveillance feeds from nearby businesses. I can’t believe this is the first I’m hearing of this.”
“It’s been almost six years. They probably recorded over it by now,” Cara said. “It doesn’t change the fact that if I would have stayed away, that kid would be alive.”
“Baby, it was an accident. You blaming yourself -- even after saving Dennee and Richard’s lives -- is insane. You’re a hero, Cara, not the villain you make yourself out to be.” She rose to her feet and pursed her lips for a moment. “There’s a bank down the street from where the accident happened. I’m sure they keep surveillance video for at least ten years. I’ll subpoena the footage tomorrow. But now I need to scrutinize these medical records. Will you makes us lunch later?” she asked Cara.
“Sure, we still have some spam left.”
“Ha, ha, very funny. Something nutritious that isn’t found at pet stores.”
“I guess I can swing it,” Cara said.
***
Almost three hours later, Kahlan walked out of her bedroom looking as white as a sheet.
Cara’s eyes widened but it took her a few seconds to react. “Kahlan, what is it, what’s wrong?” When Kahlan didn’t answer, she took hold of her shoulders and shook her a bit. “Kahlan, talk to me, please.” Kahlan lifted her arm, which had been limp at her side, and handed Cara the documents she’d been holding. She then sat on the sofa and held her head in her hands.
Cara took a deep breath and sat next to her, reading through the documents. “No,” she said, “this, this can’t be. It must be some sort of mistake. Maybe they pulled the wrong records. Call them, this can’t be right.”
Kahlan looked up at her and shook her head. “It isn’t a mistake, baby. It’s just evidence that I failed her, I failed my little sister. I should have known something was wrong. She’s my sister; I should have seen the signs.”
“You didn’t fail her, Kahlan. She distanced herself from you and now we know why. You would have gotten her the help she needed if she had let you in. You would have been there for her -- we both would have. Blaming yourself won’t change anything. We just need to get her help.” Dennee’s medical records proved that Cara wasn’t responsible for her miscarriage because there was no miscarriage. Dennee had been diagnosed with a rare psychological disorder called pseudocyesis -- false pregnancy. According to the medical records, it was more than likely caused by the trauma of the three previous miscarriages she had suffered.
“I didn’t even know she was trying to get pregnant,” Kahlan said. “I see it all so clearly now. Your sister and your parents were the only family she ever knew. She had no memories of our mother to hold on to, and once we got sent to boarding school, we hardly saw each other -- outside of lunch and dinner. She was in kindergarten and I was in fifth grade; we weren’t even in the same dormitory.
“When you and I broke up, she was only fourteen. Spirits, she must have needed me so much, but I was hanging on by a thread. How could I be there for her when I could barely manage to get out of bed? She must have felt completely abandoned, which really, she was.” She buried her face in Cara’s shoulder and she cried; she cried for everyone, for Dennee, for her mother, for Cara’s parents, and even for herself. Cara held her wordlessly, with tears running down her own cheeks.
“What do I do now, Cara? She’s already on Mike’s witness list. I have no choice but to question her; if I don’t, the jury will see it as an admission of guilt.”
“So don’t question her. I don’t want you to lose your sister because of me.”
Kahlan sighed and shook her head. “Why would it be your fault? You did nothing wrong; in fact, you saved her life. I’m not going to let you throw away your life to protect my sister, or anyone else. You matter, baby. Regardless of what happened to you in the past, you matter. I am going to question Dennee -- for her sake and yours. Maybe this is what will make her face the truth so that she can get the help that she needs, and I’ll be there for her every step of the way.”
Lunch sat uneaten on the kitchen counter; both she and Kahlan had lost their appetites.
***
As they had agreed, Maxine stopped by in the afternoon. She gazed at Kahlan for a long moment, noticing that her eyes were puffy, and that she hadn’t been greeted with Kahlan’s usual bright smile. Cara, who always wore her emotions on her sleeve, looked as if someone had put a knife through her chest. Maxine decided it was best not to ask so they immediately got to work. It soon became clear that had Darken not been dead already, the information contained in the files Maxine retrieved would have earned him at least fifty consecutive life sentences. “This guy was a monster,” Maxine said, shaking her head and gazing over at Cara. “How did you --” Kahlan shot her a look that stopped her from finishing the sentence. The last thing she wanted was for Cara to start ruminating on all the horrible things she’d lived through. “Uh, the facial recognition application is working pretty well but because there’s so much footage, it’s going to take time.” She looked over at Kahlan for a moment. “Someone who can actually identify these people is going to have to go over the footage. I’ve narrowed it down by specific dates. I recognized some of them from news reports, but most of them I’ve never seen before.”
Kahlan looked over at Cara, knowing the pained expression she’d find on her face. Maxine looked between them, realizing that Cara was probably the only person who could ID them -- a task that most certainly would be unpleasant for her. Cara furrowed her brow and stared at Maxine for what seemed like a long time. “Did you watch any of it?” Although she didn’t intend it as such, it came across in a menacing tone.
Maxine swallowed hard. “Just the parts relevant to the case,” she said. The conversation was making her more than a little uncomfortable. She was fidgeting and playing with her hair, as if she wanted nothing more than to get out of there. “I’ll work other angles,” she said, “maybe I’ll be able to ID some of them through police records.”
“Thank you, Maxine. I’ll walk you out.”
As the elevator doors closed, Maxine leaned back and said, “Wow, she’s pretty intense.”
Kahlan put her arm around her shoulders in an effort to reassure her. “It’s not you. Cara’s been through a lot. Reliving the contents of that footage is probably her worst nightmare.”
Maxine nodded. “Got it. I’ll do my best to see if I can figure out who they are.”
When Kahlan got back upstairs, Cara was staring out the window with her head resting on the window pane. “Are you okay?” she asked.
Cara turned her head slightly and nodded. “Yeah, but I think I freaked out Kalinda.”
“She’ll be fine.”
“Let’s watch a movie or something,” Cara said. “Not a murder mystery.” She raised her palm for emphasis.
“Agreed,” Kahlan said, “I cast my vote for something romantic.”
“Abbott and Costello?” Cara asked.
Kahlan gave her a shove. “No, but you’re in the right era. How about You Were Never Lovelier, with Fred Astaire and Rita Hayworth?”
Cara chuckled. “You do know we’ve watched that movie at least fifty times.”
“I do know that, yes. It’s still my favorite. Do you remember the first time we watched it?”
“Sure I do. There was a huge blizzard. Grace was competing in a spelling bee in Galea; my parents drove her there. I stayed at your house. Your mom bundled us up in her bed for a movie night. You liked it so much that we watched it five times in a row. Your mom, she was…she just laughed and shook her head. ‘Again?' she’d ask every time you said you wanted to watch it again.”
Kahlan had a sad smile on her face. “I had the best mom ever, and you had the most wonderful family. I wish so badly they were still with us.”
She pulled Kahlan closer and held her tight. “Let’s watch the movie,” Cara said, and kissed Kahlan on the temple. “But no more than three times.” She raised her index finger with a mock stern look on her face. Kahlan pouted a bit before agreeing to her terms. They fell asleep halfway through the fourth showing -- Cara’s terms turned out to be flexible.
Cara woke up the next morning to find a note on the coffee table. ‘Running errands’ was all it said. It struck her as odd that Kahlan didn’t wake her but as she made herself breakfast, it hit her. “Sabrina the NSA bitch. Fuck,” she said, pounding her fist on the kitchen counter. She turned off the stove, leaving the cracked eggs in the pan, and plunked herself down on the sofa. She then took to pacing in front of the door.
When she heard the key turning in the lock she put her feet on the coffee table and interlaced her fingers behind her neck, looking as if she hadn’t a care in the world. “Hey,” she said glancing over at Kahlan just long enough to notice the fresh manicure and pedicure, along with the flawless eyebrow waxing. She was tempted to ask her if she’d waxed any interesting parts but she decided to play it cool.
“Hey,” Kahlan said, “I gave you a nudge before I left this morning but you were sound asleep. Did you see my note?”
Cara picked up one of her comic books from the coffee table before answering. “Yeah, I saw it.”
It didn’t take Kahlan long to realize that Cara wasn’t in the mood for chitchat. “Well, I’ll leave you to your reading,” she said, and started toward her bedroom. “Oh, what happened here?” she asked when she walked by the kitchen.
Cara shrugged. “The eggs were bad.”
“‘The eggs were bad’,” Kahlan echoed. “I see.”
With that, she went in her room and closed the door behind her. Her first instinct was to reach for Ragedee, but she stopped herself. “No, Ragedee, we are not having this conversation. Cara is obviously at her insufferable worst. But you know what? I have my own life to live. In fact, there is a beautiful woman who is not emotionally damaged, and who is not afraid to open up about her feelings, and who is not the prime suspect in a triple homicide who is taking me on a --. Argh, I said we are not having this conversation, Ragedee.”
Kahlan would have kept right on talking had Cara not intervened. “Who are you talking to?” she asked, knocking on the door.
Kahlan rolled her eyes, feeling like a complete idiot. She opened the door, and said, “I was on the phone.” Which would have been a perfectly legitimate response had Cara not been holding Kahlan’s phone in her hand. “I, I was on my other phone.”
“What other phone?” Cara asked with her hands on her hips.
“The other phone that I have.” She crossed her arms in front of her with her head held up high.
“Oh yeah, the invisible one, silly me,” Cara said. “Don’t forget to take your meds.”
Kahlan ignored that last remark. She closed the door and got into bed, pulling the covers over her head for a few minutes. “I’m an idiot,” she mumbled.
***
At exactly six o’clock she opened her door and called out for Cara. “Can you help me with my zipper?”
It took Cara a moment to stop staring and actually take in Kahlan’s request. “Yeah, sure,” she said. Kahlan turned around and Cara edged in closer, reaching for the zipper but not actually doing anything with it.
“What’s wrong? Is it stuck?” Kahlan asked, with a hint of panic in her voice.
Cara paused for a long moment before answering. “No, it’s not,” she said, as she pulled up on it.
“Thank goodness,” Kahlan said, turning around to face Cara. The look on Cara’s face gave her pause. “Does it look horrible?” she asked with a pained expression.
Cara shook her head. “No, it looks beautiful.” She met her gaze with so much intensity that Kahlan felt her knees go weak.
“I, I should go finish my make-up.” Cara pursed her lips and nodded. Kahlan closed the door and leaned against it with her eyes closed. Her heart was pounding so hard that she suspected Cara could probably hear it from the other side of the door. “What are you doing to me, Cara?” She sat down on the edge of the bed to compose herself. Twenty minutes later, she walked out looking every bit like a queen.
Cara didn’t say a word; she just sat on the sofa with her elbows on her knees and her fingers interlaced. “Well, I’m finally ready,” Kahlan said with a nervous smile on her face. Cara tipped her head to meet her gaze but didn’t say anything. “I’ll probably be home late. You don’t have to wait up for me. Oh, and there’s plenty of food in the fridge.” For as much as she wanted to, Cara couldn’t bring herself to look away. “Okay, I should get going,” Kahlan said. “And hey, you can call me if you need anything.” Cara still didn’t say anything.
Kahlan took a deep breath and headed for the door, but she stopped just short of opening it. “So here’s the thing,” Kahlan said, while still facing the door; her voice broke a bit, and tears were threatening to ruin her make-up. “You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known, you really are. You’ve lived through things that would have destroyed most people, but not you; you somehow managed to get through it. The physical abuse, the torture, the many losses, you got through all of it, but I was brave, too, baby. From the very beginning, before all of those horrible things happened to you, I took all the risks -- and not once did I hold back. And I didn’t hold back because you were always worth the risk. On the first day of school, I was the one who reached out and held your hand. And a few years later, I was the one who said I love you, hoping against hope that you would say it back, and when you did, I was the happiest girl in the world. And that first kiss, that was all me, Cara. I made myself vulnerable over and over again, because you were worth it, you were worth risking rejection, you worth getting my heart broken, you were always worth it to me because I loved you, I loved you so much.
“A thousand times, I’ve handed you my heart, but I can’t do it anymore, baby. I’ve lost too much; I’m just not that brave anymore. My heart is so bruised and battered that just the thought of letting someone in terrifies me. It’s up to you this time, love. I can’t, I just can’t do it. So if you want me to stay -- and I think you do -- you’re going to have to be the brave one. And if you can’t do it, or you don’t want to, it’s okay. I won’t be angry at you and I won’t love you any less than I do. I’ll just accept that no matter how much you mean to me, I have to move on.” Cara released a hiss that Kahlan interpreted as a clear indication that it was really over between them.
With a deep intake of air, Kahlan straightened her spine and lifted her chin as she opened the door, but before she could cross the threshold, a strong pair of hands slammed the door shut and she felt a weight pressed to the back of her body. “I want you to stay,” said that familiar voice she had loved for years. “I always want you to stay. And, no, I’m not brave, not in the way that you are, because I’m scared right now, I’m fucking terrified that if I tell you that I love you you’ll die, just like everyone else has. But if I don’t tell you, I’ll lose you and I don’t want to lose you, Kahlan. And it’s not because you’re all I have left, it’s because you’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
Kahlan turned around in Cara’s arms and wiped away the tears streaking Cara’s cheeks. “You just told me, baby.” She cupped Cara’s cheeks, kissed each of her eye lids and finally her lips. They stayed like that for a long moment as if neither of them had any idea what should happen next -- except Kahlan quickly formulated a plan. She took hold of Cara’s hand and guided it to exactly where she wanted it. “Get me out of this dress, and make love to me.”
Author: fortunata13
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan
Rating: R
Warnings: None
Word Count: 4323
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Most certainly, I do not own these characters.
Summary: This chapter is jam packed with revelations. I'm talking surprises, secrets revealed, a geography lesson, Kahlan's big date with Sabrina, and more.
A/N: Gratitude to statuepup for keeping me honest and to the wonderful laurilee59 for the free legal advice. You two are awesome.
After releasing a gigantic yawn, Kahlan sat on the sofa next to Cara. “Aren’t you going to bed? It’s been a long day.”
“Not yet, I…not yet.”
“Is everything all right?” She ran her fingers through Cara’s hair and caressed her cheek with the back of her hand.
Cara shrugged. “There’s a lot going on -- too much maybe. I just want it to be over already. Combing over all the footage, the trial, the press; I wish it would all stop. Even if it means ending up in prison. I just wish it would all stop.”
Kahlan looked at her with her brow furrowed for a long moment, which earned her an eye roll from Cara. “You’re doing that thing again.”
“What thing?”
“Probing my mind to uncover my deepest secrets, or whatever.”
Kahlan tipped her head and parted her lips. “It’s the surveillance footage; it’s upsetting you.”
Cara sighed. “Yes, Amazing Kreskin, it’s upsetting me, only for me it’s not just footage, it’s my life, all of it, right there in those hard drives. Me as a little kid, me getting my ass kicked by Darken, me doing fucked up things that I didn’t want to do -- and that I certainly never wanted you to know I did.” She got up and walked over to the window. “Kahlan, I’m damaged goods. I’ll never be able to live a normal life, to feel things that regular people feel. I don’t want to sit in that courtroom listening to people dissect my life. And besides, for all I know, I did kill Darken and those other two guys.”
Kahlan didn’t move from her spot on the sofa. “Are you finished?” she asked once Cara stopped talking. “If you are, come sit here with me.” After a long moment, Cara hung her head and walked across the room to sit next to Kahlan again. “That footage is the past. Your life is here, right now, in the present. I’m not going to lie to you, the trial will be difficult, and there will be plenty of things that neither of us wants to relive, but we don’t have a choice. I am going to get you acquitted, Cara, and when I do, I’m going to make certain that everyone who had a hand in what happened to you is held accountable. Then, you and I are going to work together so that nothing like this happens to any other child in Aydindril. If you are willing to stay strong, maybe something good can come out of this. Demmin Nass is already behind bars; that alone is a huge accomplishment.”
Cara rested her elbows on her knees and, without looking up, said, “Go to bed.” Kahlan nodded and kissed her on the cheek. She’d known Cara for most of her life. Even as a little girl, she needed to work things out on her own. While Kahlan wanted nothing more than to hold her and make her feel safe and loved, she rose and disappeared behind the bedroom door, leaving Cara to work out her emotions. Late into the night, she tiptoed out of the bedroom and covered Cara with a blanket. “I love you so very much,” she said, closing her eyes for a moment before going back to bed.
***
“I like what you said.”
After rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Kahlan stretched her arms above her head, and asked, “I said something?”
“Last night, that thing you said about keeping stuff from happening to other kids. We should do that.” Kahlan smiled, and nodded. Cara had worked things out, just as Kahlan knew she would. “If we’re going to do that, you’re going to have to kick Cypher’s ass in court.”
“Oh, I plan on doing just that, trust me.”
Cara pursed her lips and thought for a moment. “And maybe I’ll have to step up, too.”
“Step up, how?” Kahlan asked before taking a sip of her coffee; Cara didn’t answer. Kahlan put her mug down on the kitchen counter. “Cara, talk to me. Step up, how? Are you keeping something from me because if you are --”
“I’m not,” Cara said, “I just need to think.”
Kahlan sighed; she didn’t like this one bit. “Baby, I suggest you share your thoughts with me, right now. Otherwise you may put me in an impossible position. I’m a trial lawyer, Cara; surprises are my least favorite thing in the world.” She waited for Cara to say something -- anything -- but she didn’t. Kahlan scowled and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.
“Temper, temper,” Cara said with a chuckle.
“I heard that,” said Kahlan, from behind the closed door. Cara smirked and busied herself setting the table for breakfast.
Just as they finished breakfast, the doorbell rang. “Thank you,” Kahlan said to the postman after signing for various pieces of mail, and tossing the rest of them on her desk. One bore the seal of San Marino -- a country she’d never heard of before.
“Cara,” she called out, “come look at this. Have you ever heard of this place?”
Cara smugly crossed her arms and said, “Why, yes, I have. San Marino is the oldest surviving sovereign state and constitutional republic in the world. It has a land mass of 23.63 square miles and a population of approximately 30,000 people. The official language is Italian, but Spanish is also widely spoken, and their currency is the euro.”
Kahlan’s eyes widened and she scratched her head. “And you know this because?”
“Clearly, because I’m a genius.” Kahlan tipped her head and waited for a more plausible reply. “Fine,” Cara finally said, “I have no life, so while you’re working I play Trivial Pursuit on your iPad.”
“That explains why my iPad’s gone missing.”
Cara gave an apologetic shrug. “It’s all part of my master plan. By the time the trial is over, my brain’ll be stuffed with all the useless information I need to become Jeopardy champion. I’ll use part of my winnings to buy you a new iPad, of course.”
“Whatever you say, baby. Now be quiet so I can figure out what this letter is about. Actually, no, it can wait,” she said, plunking it down on top of the impossibly large pile of mail she already had on her desk.
Cara frowned. “Do you like ever read your mail, clutter queen?”
Kahlan rolled her eyes and sighed. “Yes, of course I do, but it’s not a priority when I’m trying to keep someone I care about out of prison.”
“Fine,” Cara said, “but by the time the trial is over, you’re going to have to buy an industrial-sized shredder to get rid of this mess.”
“If that’ll put an end to your nagging, I will.” Before Cara could say anything, Kahlan kissed her on the nose and then on the lips. “You really do have the softest lips.”
“Yeah, and I have a nice ass, too. And for the record, I don’t nag.”
“We can debate that claim later but right now I have to go over my sister’s medical records.” She plunked down on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe I just said that. I am so angry at her, I can hardly stand it. This is all so unnecessary.”
Cara sat next to her and put her arm around her shoulders. “Maybe it’s like you said, maybe putting Dennee on the stand will fix things between the two of you.” Cara didn’t believe a word of what she was saying, but it seemed to make Kahlan feel better so she kept going. “I mean, your sister never had much use for me but she sure as hell loves you. Having to open up about the accident and listening to Richard’s testimony will probably sort it all out.”
Kahlan rested her head on Cara’s shoulder and rubbed her nose on her earlobe. “You don’t believe a single word of that little speech, do you?”
Cara considered going the righteous indignation route but decided to fess up instead. “The Richard thing could work. Knowing him, he’ll turn on the waterworks and get all dramatic about how I performed CPR on Dennee when her heart stopped. And he’ll go into that whole jazz about me saving his life, and about how I was the one who pulled them both out of the car before it exploded.”
Kahlan furrowed her brow. “Wait, what? Cara, none of that was in the police report. Why didn’t you say anything? I have to subpoena the officer’s dash cam, and get surveillance feeds from nearby businesses. I can’t believe this is the first I’m hearing of this.”
“It’s been almost six years. They probably recorded over it by now,” Cara said. “It doesn’t change the fact that if I would have stayed away, that kid would be alive.”
“Baby, it was an accident. You blaming yourself -- even after saving Dennee and Richard’s lives -- is insane. You’re a hero, Cara, not the villain you make yourself out to be.” She rose to her feet and pursed her lips for a moment. “There’s a bank down the street from where the accident happened. I’m sure they keep surveillance video for at least ten years. I’ll subpoena the footage tomorrow. But now I need to scrutinize these medical records. Will you makes us lunch later?” she asked Cara.
“Sure, we still have some spam left.”
“Ha, ha, very funny. Something nutritious that isn’t found at pet stores.”
“I guess I can swing it,” Cara said.
***
Almost three hours later, Kahlan walked out of her bedroom looking as white as a sheet.
Cara’s eyes widened but it took her a few seconds to react. “Kahlan, what is it, what’s wrong?” When Kahlan didn’t answer, she took hold of her shoulders and shook her a bit. “Kahlan, talk to me, please.” Kahlan lifted her arm, which had been limp at her side, and handed Cara the documents she’d been holding. She then sat on the sofa and held her head in her hands.
Cara took a deep breath and sat next to her, reading through the documents. “No,” she said, “this, this can’t be. It must be some sort of mistake. Maybe they pulled the wrong records. Call them, this can’t be right.”
Kahlan looked up at her and shook her head. “It isn’t a mistake, baby. It’s just evidence that I failed her, I failed my little sister. I should have known something was wrong. She’s my sister; I should have seen the signs.”
“You didn’t fail her, Kahlan. She distanced herself from you and now we know why. You would have gotten her the help she needed if she had let you in. You would have been there for her -- we both would have. Blaming yourself won’t change anything. We just need to get her help.” Dennee’s medical records proved that Cara wasn’t responsible for her miscarriage because there was no miscarriage. Dennee had been diagnosed with a rare psychological disorder called pseudocyesis -- false pregnancy. According to the medical records, it was more than likely caused by the trauma of the three previous miscarriages she had suffered.
“I didn’t even know she was trying to get pregnant,” Kahlan said. “I see it all so clearly now. Your sister and your parents were the only family she ever knew. She had no memories of our mother to hold on to, and once we got sent to boarding school, we hardly saw each other -- outside of lunch and dinner. She was in kindergarten and I was in fifth grade; we weren’t even in the same dormitory.
“When you and I broke up, she was only fourteen. Spirits, she must have needed me so much, but I was hanging on by a thread. How could I be there for her when I could barely manage to get out of bed? She must have felt completely abandoned, which really, she was.” She buried her face in Cara’s shoulder and she cried; she cried for everyone, for Dennee, for her mother, for Cara’s parents, and even for herself. Cara held her wordlessly, with tears running down her own cheeks.
“What do I do now, Cara? She’s already on Mike’s witness list. I have no choice but to question her; if I don’t, the jury will see it as an admission of guilt.”
“So don’t question her. I don’t want you to lose your sister because of me.”
Kahlan sighed and shook her head. “Why would it be your fault? You did nothing wrong; in fact, you saved her life. I’m not going to let you throw away your life to protect my sister, or anyone else. You matter, baby. Regardless of what happened to you in the past, you matter. I am going to question Dennee -- for her sake and yours. Maybe this is what will make her face the truth so that she can get the help that she needs, and I’ll be there for her every step of the way.”
Lunch sat uneaten on the kitchen counter; both she and Kahlan had lost their appetites.
***
As they had agreed, Maxine stopped by in the afternoon. She gazed at Kahlan for a long moment, noticing that her eyes were puffy, and that she hadn’t been greeted with Kahlan’s usual bright smile. Cara, who always wore her emotions on her sleeve, looked as if someone had put a knife through her chest. Maxine decided it was best not to ask so they immediately got to work. It soon became clear that had Darken not been dead already, the information contained in the files Maxine retrieved would have earned him at least fifty consecutive life sentences. “This guy was a monster,” Maxine said, shaking her head and gazing over at Cara. “How did you --” Kahlan shot her a look that stopped her from finishing the sentence. The last thing she wanted was for Cara to start ruminating on all the horrible things she’d lived through. “Uh, the facial recognition application is working pretty well but because there’s so much footage, it’s going to take time.” She looked over at Kahlan for a moment. “Someone who can actually identify these people is going to have to go over the footage. I’ve narrowed it down by specific dates. I recognized some of them from news reports, but most of them I’ve never seen before.”
Kahlan looked over at Cara, knowing the pained expression she’d find on her face. Maxine looked between them, realizing that Cara was probably the only person who could ID them -- a task that most certainly would be unpleasant for her. Cara furrowed her brow and stared at Maxine for what seemed like a long time. “Did you watch any of it?” Although she didn’t intend it as such, it came across in a menacing tone.
Maxine swallowed hard. “Just the parts relevant to the case,” she said. The conversation was making her more than a little uncomfortable. She was fidgeting and playing with her hair, as if she wanted nothing more than to get out of there. “I’ll work other angles,” she said, “maybe I’ll be able to ID some of them through police records.”
“Thank you, Maxine. I’ll walk you out.”
As the elevator doors closed, Maxine leaned back and said, “Wow, she’s pretty intense.”
Kahlan put her arm around her shoulders in an effort to reassure her. “It’s not you. Cara’s been through a lot. Reliving the contents of that footage is probably her worst nightmare.”
Maxine nodded. “Got it. I’ll do my best to see if I can figure out who they are.”
When Kahlan got back upstairs, Cara was staring out the window with her head resting on the window pane. “Are you okay?” she asked.
Cara turned her head slightly and nodded. “Yeah, but I think I freaked out Kalinda.”
“She’ll be fine.”
“Let’s watch a movie or something,” Cara said. “Not a murder mystery.” She raised her palm for emphasis.
“Agreed,” Kahlan said, “I cast my vote for something romantic.”
“Abbott and Costello?” Cara asked.
Kahlan gave her a shove. “No, but you’re in the right era. How about You Were Never Lovelier, with Fred Astaire and Rita Hayworth?”
Cara chuckled. “You do know we’ve watched that movie at least fifty times.”
“I do know that, yes. It’s still my favorite. Do you remember the first time we watched it?”
“Sure I do. There was a huge blizzard. Grace was competing in a spelling bee in Galea; my parents drove her there. I stayed at your house. Your mom bundled us up in her bed for a movie night. You liked it so much that we watched it five times in a row. Your mom, she was…she just laughed and shook her head. ‘Again?' she’d ask every time you said you wanted to watch it again.”
Kahlan had a sad smile on her face. “I had the best mom ever, and you had the most wonderful family. I wish so badly they were still with us.”
She pulled Kahlan closer and held her tight. “Let’s watch the movie,” Cara said, and kissed Kahlan on the temple. “But no more than three times.” She raised her index finger with a mock stern look on her face. Kahlan pouted a bit before agreeing to her terms. They fell asleep halfway through the fourth showing -- Cara’s terms turned out to be flexible.
Cara woke up the next morning to find a note on the coffee table. ‘Running errands’ was all it said. It struck her as odd that Kahlan didn’t wake her but as she made herself breakfast, it hit her. “Sabrina the NSA bitch. Fuck,” she said, pounding her fist on the kitchen counter. She turned off the stove, leaving the cracked eggs in the pan, and plunked herself down on the sofa. She then took to pacing in front of the door.
When she heard the key turning in the lock she put her feet on the coffee table and interlaced her fingers behind her neck, looking as if she hadn’t a care in the world. “Hey,” she said glancing over at Kahlan just long enough to notice the fresh manicure and pedicure, along with the flawless eyebrow waxing. She was tempted to ask her if she’d waxed any interesting parts but she decided to play it cool.
“Hey,” Kahlan said, “I gave you a nudge before I left this morning but you were sound asleep. Did you see my note?”
Cara picked up one of her comic books from the coffee table before answering. “Yeah, I saw it.”
It didn’t take Kahlan long to realize that Cara wasn’t in the mood for chitchat. “Well, I’ll leave you to your reading,” she said, and started toward her bedroom. “Oh, what happened here?” she asked when she walked by the kitchen.
Cara shrugged. “The eggs were bad.”
“‘The eggs were bad’,” Kahlan echoed. “I see.”
With that, she went in her room and closed the door behind her. Her first instinct was to reach for Ragedee, but she stopped herself. “No, Ragedee, we are not having this conversation. Cara is obviously at her insufferable worst. But you know what? I have my own life to live. In fact, there is a beautiful woman who is not emotionally damaged, and who is not afraid to open up about her feelings, and who is not the prime suspect in a triple homicide who is taking me on a --. Argh, I said we are not having this conversation, Ragedee.”
Kahlan would have kept right on talking had Cara not intervened. “Who are you talking to?” she asked, knocking on the door.
Kahlan rolled her eyes, feeling like a complete idiot. She opened the door, and said, “I was on the phone.” Which would have been a perfectly legitimate response had Cara not been holding Kahlan’s phone in her hand. “I, I was on my other phone.”
“What other phone?” Cara asked with her hands on her hips.
“The other phone that I have.” She crossed her arms in front of her with her head held up high.
“Oh yeah, the invisible one, silly me,” Cara said. “Don’t forget to take your meds.”
Kahlan ignored that last remark. She closed the door and got into bed, pulling the covers over her head for a few minutes. “I’m an idiot,” she mumbled.
***
At exactly six o’clock she opened her door and called out for Cara. “Can you help me with my zipper?”
It took Cara a moment to stop staring and actually take in Kahlan’s request. “Yeah, sure,” she said. Kahlan turned around and Cara edged in closer, reaching for the zipper but not actually doing anything with it.
“What’s wrong? Is it stuck?” Kahlan asked, with a hint of panic in her voice.
Cara paused for a long moment before answering. “No, it’s not,” she said, as she pulled up on it.
“Thank goodness,” Kahlan said, turning around to face Cara. The look on Cara’s face gave her pause. “Does it look horrible?” she asked with a pained expression.
Cara shook her head. “No, it looks beautiful.” She met her gaze with so much intensity that Kahlan felt her knees go weak.
“I, I should go finish my make-up.” Cara pursed her lips and nodded. Kahlan closed the door and leaned against it with her eyes closed. Her heart was pounding so hard that she suspected Cara could probably hear it from the other side of the door. “What are you doing to me, Cara?” She sat down on the edge of the bed to compose herself. Twenty minutes later, she walked out looking every bit like a queen.
Cara didn’t say a word; she just sat on the sofa with her elbows on her knees and her fingers interlaced. “Well, I’m finally ready,” Kahlan said with a nervous smile on her face. Cara tipped her head to meet her gaze but didn’t say anything. “I’ll probably be home late. You don’t have to wait up for me. Oh, and there’s plenty of food in the fridge.” For as much as she wanted to, Cara couldn’t bring herself to look away. “Okay, I should get going,” Kahlan said. “And hey, you can call me if you need anything.” Cara still didn’t say anything.
Kahlan took a deep breath and headed for the door, but she stopped just short of opening it. “So here’s the thing,” Kahlan said, while still facing the door; her voice broke a bit, and tears were threatening to ruin her make-up. “You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known, you really are. You’ve lived through things that would have destroyed most people, but not you; you somehow managed to get through it. The physical abuse, the torture, the many losses, you got through all of it, but I was brave, too, baby. From the very beginning, before all of those horrible things happened to you, I took all the risks -- and not once did I hold back. And I didn’t hold back because you were always worth the risk. On the first day of school, I was the one who reached out and held your hand. And a few years later, I was the one who said I love you, hoping against hope that you would say it back, and when you did, I was the happiest girl in the world. And that first kiss, that was all me, Cara. I made myself vulnerable over and over again, because you were worth it, you were worth risking rejection, you worth getting my heart broken, you were always worth it to me because I loved you, I loved you so much.
“A thousand times, I’ve handed you my heart, but I can’t do it anymore, baby. I’ve lost too much; I’m just not that brave anymore. My heart is so bruised and battered that just the thought of letting someone in terrifies me. It’s up to you this time, love. I can’t, I just can’t do it. So if you want me to stay -- and I think you do -- you’re going to have to be the brave one. And if you can’t do it, or you don’t want to, it’s okay. I won’t be angry at you and I won’t love you any less than I do. I’ll just accept that no matter how much you mean to me, I have to move on.” Cara released a hiss that Kahlan interpreted as a clear indication that it was really over between them.
With a deep intake of air, Kahlan straightened her spine and lifted her chin as she opened the door, but before she could cross the threshold, a strong pair of hands slammed the door shut and she felt a weight pressed to the back of her body. “I want you to stay,” said that familiar voice she had loved for years. “I always want you to stay. And, no, I’m not brave, not in the way that you are, because I’m scared right now, I’m fucking terrified that if I tell you that I love you you’ll die, just like everyone else has. But if I don’t tell you, I’ll lose you and I don’t want to lose you, Kahlan. And it’s not because you’re all I have left, it’s because you’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
Kahlan turned around in Cara’s arms and wiped away the tears streaking Cara’s cheeks. “You just told me, baby.” She cupped Cara’s cheeks, kissed each of her eye lids and finally her lips. They stayed like that for a long moment as if neither of them had any idea what should happen next -- except Kahlan quickly formulated a plan. She took hold of Cara’s hand and guided it to exactly where she wanted it. “Get me out of this dress, and make love to me.”