Life Hacks, for those who have been abused and neglected.
Content Warning: Emotional abuse, neglect, poverty, PTSD.
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1. When entering a room, your ability to either evade notice or to become the focal point of attention is what will help you avoid pain. You learn to read the cues in an instant and determine whether it’s more important to fade away into the woodwork, or to be cute and fun and charming. Don’t guess wrong. It hurts when you guess wrong.
2. It’s best if you just don’t remember things that happen that hurt you. Don’t worry. You’ll eventually learn that skill. The problem is that you’ll forget lots of other things, too, but that’s okay, because you won’t remember all of the bad stuff.
3. Sometimes, you’ll have to figure out which hurt is better, and sometimes that means that you’ll have to choose the hurt that at least comes with some kind of physical contact or emotional approval. Sorry about that.
4. When you go to bed at night, don’t sleep with your back to the door. Who are we kidding. You know you won’t sleep. It’s better to at least see the monsters coming for you instead of being surprised by them.
5. If you shake out your sheets, then tuck them in around your body, you won’t feel it when the roaches come out at night and crawl over you.
6. Take your moments of comfort and hold on to them. The time when you sprained your wrist and you got to sit in a warm robe and have oatmeal, and you remembered how nice it felt to be taken care of will become a central happy memory of your childhood.
7. Stay out of the house as much as you can. All day, overnight, however long you can make it work, do it. If you’re not at home, you don’t have to deal with the craziness there. Pretty much anywhere, including the back seat of a car, is preferable.
8. If you hurt yourself, you’re at least in control of the pain. You can find things to hurt yourself pretty much anywhere, but if you take them from the drawers at the doctor’s office, they’re at least clean.
9. You can live for a long time off of free lunches at school and minute rice and gravy packets at home. And you can make minute rice and gravy packets before you’re 10 years old by reading & following the directions on the box.
10. The easiest way to clean house is to wait for the landlord to evict you. Then they put all your stuff out on the front yard. You just pick up what you need and go to the next place.
11. The people on the phone at the dial-a-prayer numbers won’t really do anything to help you. But they sound like they will. The God they pray to also probably wasn’t listening those days.
12. When you can get clean clothing, it will be an experience akin to heaven. Warm towels and teeshirts will make you happy. Ditto knowing that there is food to eat when you’re hungry.
13. When you pee in your pants because you’re afraid to go to the bathroom, you can tie a jacket around your waist to hide it. Wear a jacket all year around, just for this reason.
14. It’s easier if you think you can control your life’s situations, despite the fact that you’re a child or a teenager and that’s what parents and adults are supposed to do.
15. At some point, these life hacks won’t work so well. They’ll make your heart hurt and you’ll want to drown out the pain, or they’ll make it really hard for you to have friendships and relationships that you say that you don’t really need but you really do. Then you’ll have to un-hack your life. But until then, hack the fuck out of it. You need to stay alive until you can get away. Once you’re away, you can start the unlearning process. That will take decades. But it’s okay, because you’ll be away. And alive. And that’s the point.
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1. When entering a room, your ability to either evade notice or to become the focal point of attention is what will help you avoid pain. You learn to read the cues in an instant and determine whether it’s more important to fade away into the woodwork, or to be cute and fun and charming. Don’t guess wrong. It hurts when you guess wrong.
2. It’s best if you just don’t remember things that happen that hurt you. Don’t worry. You’ll eventually learn that skill. The problem is that you’ll forget lots of other things, too, but that’s okay, because you won’t remember all of the bad stuff.
3. Sometimes, you’ll have to figure out which hurt is better, and sometimes that means that you’ll have to choose the hurt that at least comes with some kind of physical contact or emotional approval. Sorry about that.
4. When you go to bed at night, don’t sleep with your back to the door. Who are we kidding. You know you won’t sleep. It’s better to at least see the monsters coming for you instead of being surprised by them.
5. If you shake out your sheets, then tuck them in around your body, you won’t feel it when the roaches come out at night and crawl over you.
6. Take your moments of comfort and hold on to them. The time when you sprained your wrist and you got to sit in a warm robe and have oatmeal, and you remembered how nice it felt to be taken care of will become a central happy memory of your childhood.
7. Stay out of the house as much as you can. All day, overnight, however long you can make it work, do it. If you’re not at home, you don’t have to deal with the craziness there. Pretty much anywhere, including the back seat of a car, is preferable.
8. If you hurt yourself, you’re at least in control of the pain. You can find things to hurt yourself pretty much anywhere, but if you take them from the drawers at the doctor’s office, they’re at least clean.
9. You can live for a long time off of free lunches at school and minute rice and gravy packets at home. And you can make minute rice and gravy packets before you’re 10 years old by reading & following the directions on the box.
10. The easiest way to clean house is to wait for the landlord to evict you. Then they put all your stuff out on the front yard. You just pick up what you need and go to the next place.
11. The people on the phone at the dial-a-prayer numbers won’t really do anything to help you. But they sound like they will. The God they pray to also probably wasn’t listening those days.
12. When you can get clean clothing, it will be an experience akin to heaven. Warm towels and teeshirts will make you happy. Ditto knowing that there is food to eat when you’re hungry.
13. When you pee in your pants because you’re afraid to go to the bathroom, you can tie a jacket around your waist to hide it. Wear a jacket all year around, just for this reason.
14. It’s easier if you think you can control your life’s situations, despite the fact that you’re a child or a teenager and that’s what parents and adults are supposed to do.
15. At some point, these life hacks won’t work so well. They’ll make your heart hurt and you’ll want to drown out the pain, or they’ll make it really hard for you to have friendships and relationships that you say that you don’t really need but you really do. Then you’ll have to un-hack your life. But until then, hack the fuck out of it. You need to stay alive until you can get away. Once you’re away, you can start the unlearning process. That will take decades. But it’s okay, because you’ll be away. And alive. And that’s the point.