[There's another smile there, and she looks over at him as he mentioned Butterbeer.] Wouldn't mind lots of things, now that I think about it.
But... [A pause. It almost tastes like betrayal in her tongue to say.] I use to miss it all more intensely than I do now.
That's probably terrible, isn't it?
[Will she someday just forget to remember? Forget to miss things? The thought is alarming, much as she knows the world goes on. There are always things and people she will miss.
There's a crumpled picture she kept in her bag of her parents, the only one she let herself keep with herself in it, and in the rarest of moments, she lets herself think of them.
Her Mum and her Dad.]
You aren't the only one who should have to carry this, Harry. If I'd gotten to the entry before you had, I would have told him nearly word for word what you did.
I wanted to know. I don't regret knowing.
[As much as it broke her heart and it still does.
It still does. There's a pause there, as Harry had admitted to her Ron left, but not why.] Oh.
[She says it softly, lowering her gaze momentarily, wondering if there should be more she should say, and choosing not to. A lot of things with her and Harry aren't spoken but simply understood.]
It's strange to think about. We have time now.
[Hermione blinks back tears and the small noise that wants to stumble out of her throat. She wraps her arms around him instead, half-burying her face in his neck.
She will likely go to the library once more, search through every inch of it, along with all her belongings, her own and the other Hermione's, and more to find something.
Thank you, Hermione. Hermione wants to scream and she wants to cry and she ends up doing neither. She isn't sure if she wants a thank you, either, as she feels she's done absolutely nothing.
Feels as if she can't fix it, even if logically she knows it's not something to be fixed.]
All right, Harry. [It's said quietly, but when she stands, she tugs him up, too.]
It's the same for me, but that all feels... very far away.
[And he pauses, hesitates almost as she speaks again, but he shakes his head as if he can sense how much of a betrayal it feels like to her when it isn't.
It isn't at all.] No, it isn't. It's not terrible, Hermione.
I believe that happens to everyone, Hermione. If you miss someone or something as intensely as you do that first day you lose it, you would never... be able to live again.
You will always miss them, all of it. It'll always be a part of you too.
[It's not so much forgetting to miss them but living. Harry understand the fear though, and he keeps an arm around her.
But once Dumbledore pulled him away from a mirror, and the memory comes to him now.] Dumbledore once told me that... It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. They're dreams of what we can't have any longer, and... to not sit in front of a mirror aching for what has been taken isn't us choosing to lose them further.
[Hey, even Harry Potter has some wisdom now and then, some of it seeped over to him from what he's learned.]
Alright. [There's a small nod, because he knows that she's always wanted to help him carry so much and there's always been so much to carry.] I can tell you don't regret knowing, much as I know... it hurt you to hear.
[And it hurt him to do the telling, to have to hurt her with it.
And he hesitates a bit at her Oh. Hadn't realized that had slipped out at all. It's nothing said no and he doesn't know that he has words to say anything more about it, but it is... it's understood.]
We do. We have... the time.
[Harry hugs her tightly, swallowing back the emotion threatening to well up in his throat. He closes his eyes tightly, shoving it all away. There's so much.
There's always so much of it, and he doesn't let himself question whether or not this horcrux makes it unsafe for her to be so close. Years. It's been in him since he was a baby.
He pushes it all back, looking up at her when she stands and allowing her to help him to his feet.]
It doesn't fix anything but it helps us feel better. [At least for a little while.]
It does, doesn't it? It's no longer in either of our grasps.
[No matter how much they tried to reach for it. The way they thought life would be.] If someone had told me we'd both be living in a Tower in America, I wouldn't have believed them in the slightest.
[Hermione likely wouldn't believe anything they tried telling her, though.
She is still sore about Dinivation, ahem. But she can still scarcely believe it as it is.]
Of course. You're right, Harry, that was a stupid thing to say. ... I suppose I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, really.
[Everyone deals with the grief and he's been dealing for it longer.
This isn't something she has experience in the way he does.
Loss.
Starting with his parents. Hermione braves looking up at him, older than she ever used to be, and listens. It feels very much like that time she asked--knowing the answer--if everything would change. They were on the brink of something and she could feel it, like she feels it now.
Harry came to her, placed a hand on her shoulder, and said yes.
Yes, it would.]
He did always have a way with words, didn't he? [Someone else that they've had to bury, and there's a small ache in her heart, pride, too.]
We wouldn't want his words to go to waste. There's always a lesson to be learned.
And there are always new dreams, Harry.
[Sometimes you have to place others, impossible dreams, into a drawer, along with the dreams that as a child seemed possible but weren't, really.
Harry does have his moments, yes, and Hermione smiles slightly at the reminder. There's sadness and not, in her expression. At once.]
It was too important. More important than what hurt it may cause. [To not know, to not ask. It hurt, and it always will, but less and less as time goes on.
Something about that isn't comforting, for some reason. She senses his hesitation and she's not sure she has the words, either. Hermione only hugs him back, her chin on his shoulder, and it's understood.]
It's been a long night, Harry. For all of us. We can think about fixing things tomorrow. [She looks after him as she opens the door, and the smile is small but genuine.]
I'll admit that I wouldn't have believed it either. Here I thought to learn to expect the unexpected, but this was a little much.
[It would have seemed impossible. Beyond impossible. Everything else had been related to magic, but Rifts were something else.
Other universes? No one had mentioned those. They weren't in any books either, Harry is certain of that or Hermione would have mentioned it after falling through.]
No, it wasn't a stupid thing to say. It was how you felt, Hermione. It isn't stupid to feel any certain way.
They're feelings, and that's-- it would feel like that. You can't help how you feel, but feelings aren't always true.
[Grief and loss has been one of those themes of his life. He would likely be an angel of death in a verse where wanderers fall through and become an angel or demon.
Harry looks back at her when she looks up at him, and there's a part of him that feels as though they are back there. For all her logic, sometimes it is important to hear the actual words said out loud by someone who she loves.
Despite already knowing the answers.
He can do that for her. He would want to. She frequently gives him the answers when he doesn't have them at all and believes in him when he can't believe in himself.]
Yes, he always did have the words, and he had a way of saying them too. They didn't always make sense to me at first, but... [Harry shakes his head a bit, and there's an ache as well and something else.] I'd been so angry at him that year that we were travelling.
There was so much about him that I didn't know. I began to feel like maybe I didn't know him at all. Speaking of stupid feelings... [Harry says with a small smile, aware that he just said there aren't emotions that are stupid. So he doesn't seriously mean that it is stupid.]
Dumbledore had a way of teaching them or reinforcing the lessons to be learned in what we went through.
His words won't go to waste. I'll find-- we'll find new dreams, and we're together.
[It's the most important thing to him, that they're together.
Harry smiles back at her, in turn, reading the sadness but not.]
It did feel better, as much as it hurt. It would have been difficult to never share it with you. [They'd been through so much, and she was with him every step of the way, through all of that.
He wouldn't know how it would be for there to be so much that she didn't know.]
Yes, it has been. [His hand slides over his face under his glasses as he gets to his feet and reaches her side. Harry smiles over at her as they start out the door.]
Chocolate and a movie? [the smile widens just slightly.] Hermione, it nearly sounds like we're practically normal.
[But there will definitely be a movie as well.
And for tonight, for tonight, maybe they are a bit normal and it's wonderful.]
[There's another smile there, and she looks over at him as he mentioned Butterbeer.] Wouldn't mind lots of things, now that I think about it.
But... [A pause. It almost tastes like betrayal in her tongue to say.] I use to miss it all more intensely than I do now.
That's probably terrible, isn't it?
[Will she someday just forget to remember? Forget to miss things? The thought is alarming, much as she knows the world goes on. There are always things and people she will miss.
There's a crumpled picture she kept in her bag of her parents, the only one she let herself keep with herself in it, and in the rarest of moments, she lets herself think of them.
Her Mum and her Dad.]
You aren't the only one who should have to carry this, Harry. If I'd gotten to the entry before you had, I would have told him nearly word for word what you did.
I wanted to know. I don't regret knowing.
[As much as it broke her heart and it still does.
It still does. There's a pause there, as Harry had admitted to her Ron left, but not why.] Oh.
[She says it softly, lowering her gaze momentarily, wondering if there should be more she should say, and choosing not to. A lot of things with her and Harry aren't spoken but simply understood.]
It's strange to think about. We have time now.
[Hermione blinks back tears and the small noise that wants to stumble out of her throat. She wraps her arms around him instead, half-burying her face in his neck.
She will likely go to the library once more, search through every inch of it, along with all her belongings, her own and the other Hermione's, and more to find something.
Thank you, Hermione. Hermione wants to scream and she wants to cry and she ends up doing neither. She isn't sure if she wants a thank you, either, as she feels she's done absolutely nothing.
Feels as if she can't fix it, even if logically she knows it's not something to be fixed.]
All right, Harry. [It's said quietly, but when she stands, she tugs him up, too.]
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[And he pauses, hesitates almost as she speaks again, but he shakes his head as if he can sense how much of a betrayal it feels like to her when it isn't.
It isn't at all.] No, it isn't. It's not terrible, Hermione.
I believe that happens to everyone, Hermione. If you miss someone or something as intensely as you do that first day you lose it, you would never... be able to live again.
You will always miss them, all of it. It'll always be a part of you too.
[It's not so much forgetting to miss them but living. Harry understand the fear though, and he keeps an arm around her.
But once Dumbledore pulled him away from a mirror, and the memory comes to him now.] Dumbledore once told me that... It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. They're dreams of what we can't have any longer, and... to not sit in front of a mirror aching for what has been taken isn't us choosing to lose them further.
[Hey, even Harry Potter has some wisdom now and then, some of it seeped over to him from what he's learned.]
Alright. [There's a small nod, because he knows that she's always wanted to help him carry so much and there's always been so much to carry.] I can tell you don't regret knowing, much as I know... it hurt you to hear.
[And it hurt him to do the telling, to have to hurt her with it.
And he hesitates a bit at her Oh. Hadn't realized that had slipped out at all. It's nothing said no and he doesn't know that he has words to say anything more about it, but it is... it's understood.]
We do. We have... the time.
[Harry hugs her tightly, swallowing back the emotion threatening to well up in his throat. He closes his eyes tightly, shoving it all away. There's so much.
There's always so much of it, and he doesn't let himself question whether or not this horcrux makes it unsafe for her to be so close. Years. It's been in him since he was a baby.
He pushes it all back, looking up at her when she stands and allowing her to help him to his feet.]
It doesn't fix anything but it helps us feel better. [At least for a little while.]
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[No matter how much they tried to reach for it. The way they thought life would be.] If someone had told me we'd both be living in a Tower in America, I wouldn't have believed them in the slightest.
[Hermione likely wouldn't believe anything they tried telling her, though.
She is still sore about Dinivation, ahem. But she can still scarcely believe it as it is.]
Of course. You're right, Harry, that was a stupid thing to say. ... I suppose I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, really.
[Everyone deals with the grief and he's been dealing for it longer.
This isn't something she has experience in the way he does.
Loss.
Starting with his parents. Hermione braves looking up at him, older than she ever used to be, and listens. It feels very much like that time she asked--knowing the answer--if everything would change. They were on the brink of something and she could feel it, like she feels it now.
Harry came to her, placed a hand on her shoulder, and said yes.
Yes, it would.]
He did always have a way with words, didn't he? [Someone else that they've had to bury, and there's a small ache in her heart, pride, too.]
We wouldn't want his words to go to waste. There's always a lesson to be learned.
And there are always new dreams, Harry.
[Sometimes you have to place others, impossible dreams, into a drawer, along with the dreams that as a child seemed possible but weren't, really.
Harry does have his moments, yes, and Hermione smiles slightly at the reminder. There's sadness and not, in her expression. At once.]
It was too important. More important than what hurt it may cause. [To not know, to not ask. It hurt, and it always will, but less and less as time goes on.
Something about that isn't comforting, for some reason. She senses his hesitation and she's not sure she has the words, either. Hermione only hugs him back, her chin on his shoulder, and it's understood.]
It's been a long night, Harry. For all of us. We can think about fixing things tomorrow. [She looks after him as she opens the door, and the smile is small but genuine.]
Perhaps we can also watch a movie.
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[It would have seemed impossible. Beyond impossible. Everything else had been related to magic, but Rifts were something else.
Other universes? No one had mentioned those. They weren't in any books either, Harry is certain of that or Hermione would have mentioned it after falling through.]
No, it wasn't a stupid thing to say. It was how you felt, Hermione. It isn't stupid to feel any certain way.
They're feelings, and that's-- it would feel like that. You can't help how you feel, but feelings aren't always true.
[Grief and loss has been one of those themes of his life. He would likely be an angel of death in a verse where wanderers fall through and become an angel or demon.
Harry looks back at her when she looks up at him, and there's a part of him that feels as though they are back there. For all her logic, sometimes it is important to hear the actual words said out loud by someone who she loves.
Despite already knowing the answers.
He can do that for her. He would want to. She frequently gives him the answers when he doesn't have them at all and believes in him when he can't believe in himself.]
Yes, he always did have the words, and he had a way of saying them too. They didn't always make sense to me at first, but... [Harry shakes his head a bit, and there's an ache as well and something else.] I'd been so angry at him that year that we were travelling.
There was so much about him that I didn't know. I began to feel like maybe I didn't know him at all. Speaking of stupid feelings... [Harry says with a small smile, aware that he just said there aren't emotions that are stupid. So he doesn't seriously mean that it is stupid.]
Dumbledore had a way of teaching them or reinforcing the lessons to be learned in what we went through.
His words won't go to waste. I'll find-- we'll find new dreams, and we're together.
[It's the most important thing to him, that they're together.
Harry smiles back at her, in turn, reading the sadness but not.]
It did feel better, as much as it hurt. It would have been difficult to never share it with you. [They'd been through so much, and she was with him every step of the way, through all of that.
He wouldn't know how it would be for there to be so much that she didn't know.]
Yes, it has been. [His hand slides over his face under his glasses as he gets to his feet and reaches her side. Harry smiles over at her as they start out the door.]
Chocolate and a movie? [the smile widens just slightly.] Hermione, it nearly sounds like we're practically normal.
[But there will definitely be a movie as well.
And for tonight, for tonight, maybe they are a bit normal and it's wonderful.]
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