The Flashback 1/1
Title: The Flashback
Fandom: Port Charles
Pairing: Neil Kanelos and Serena Baldwin
Word Count: 2,067
Summary: Neil remembers what was and what almost could have been.
Author's Note: These two sooo would have been a supercouple! The banner shows how they might look all grown up.
The Flashback
I close my eyes and the flashback starts...
He spotted her immediately. She was standing in the garden chatting animatedly with his grandmother. He paused a moment to study her. He remembered they were best of friends as children. She had been his only friend; the one person his age that wasn't scared his leukemia was contagious. She used to come to the hospital to visit him on a regular basis even when he was at his most ill; even when almost everyone else had already given him up for dead.
She spotted him and grinned widely. Her smile was perfect. "Who's that big, tall hunk, Mary?" Mary Scanlon just laughed and moved aside as Neil sheepishly moved towards Serena. She closed the rest of the distance between them, throwing her slender arms around his waist.
She pulled back then and looked him over in his suit. "You clean up better than I remember, Kanelos," she said.
"You don't look half bad yourself," he admitted though "half bad" was the understatement of the year. She looked amazing. The pixie cut she used to sport as a kid had grown into long, slightly wavy locks that framed her heart-shaped face. Her brilliant blue eyes were playful and kind. He liked seeing that some things never changed.
Serena laughed. "I'll take that." She started to say something else but soon the wedding march was beginning to play and they took their seats. He was seated two rows ahead of her but still couldn't help glancing her way throughout the ceremony. She was just that beautiful.
XoXoXo
During the reception, he watched her move from one dancing partner to another. He kept meaning to ask her to dance with him but every time he was about to, some other guy would come along and steal her away. Neil understood it but it didn't make things less frustrating. Instead, he offered to twirl his grandmother around the ballroom and she asked him to do the same for all of her aged friends who got a big kick out of dancing with a twenty-three year old.
Finally, the reception winded down. His father and his father's new bride had rushed off to catch their flight and everyone else was packing it in. He realized he had missed his chance to ask Serena to dance. However, she spotted him as he was stacking chairs and came over, grabbing his arm. "Dance with me?"
"There's no music now."
"Who needs music?" Serena said. "We'll make our own anyway." She then took his hand and led him outside to the gazebo behind the Metro Court.
"I always thought dancing in a gazebo would be so romantic," she said as soon as he had opened his arms and she stepped into them.
"And...?"
"And it's ... not half bad." She giggled.
Neil just smiled at her.
"So, Kanelos, what have you been doing all this time?" She asked, her eyes twinkling up at him, so much brighter than those trimming the gazebo.
"There's not much to tell really. I bet you have more interesting stories than me."
Serena smiled. "Neil Kanelos. Ever the humble one... And maybe I have a story or two but I'd rather hear what you've been doing. Did you go to college?"
"Yes. I'm actually in grad school now at PCU."
"What did you major in?"
"Education," Neil said. "My dad wanted me to be a doctor like Uncle Joe but -"
"You defied him to live your dream," Serena said with a smile. "Now that's romantic."
Neil chuckled. "What about you? What have you been up to?"
"Oh no. I'm not done grilling you yet."
"What else do you want to know?"
"Well there's the obvious choice. Who's the lucky lady in your life BUT I'll save that for another time."
Neil smiled. He hoped she meant it when she said there would be "another time" for them.
"So what do you want to know then?"
"Well how's your mom? I know your dad got his happy ending with my sometimes stepsister, Livvie, but what about Courtney?"
Neil looked over Serena's head for a moment and she sighed. "Sorry if I brought up the wrong thing -" This was the first time tonight he had seen her appear unsure of herself. She had actually blossomed into quite a confidant woman but when he turned back to face her, she was biting her lip.
He shook his head. "It's not the wrong thing. I honestly don't know though. I haven't seen her in five years. Last I heard she married some wealthy casino owner so I guess, yeah, she got her happy ending. She always wanted security and she has that now, I'm guessing."
"I'm sorry. I wish I hadn't said anything."
"It's not a big deal, really. It's just the last time I was sick, I think she fell apart. She was sure I was going to die and she had to cut herself off in a way from that. To protect herself, I am guessing. She always was, for all her flaws, an amazing mom. Everyone has their breaking point and I guess she reached hers."
Serena reached up and lightly touched his cheek. "You were sick again?"
"Yeah the leukemia came back about six years ago. Everyone really thought I was going to bite the dust."
"You're so strong, Neil. I know I never could have handled that myself."
"You're the strongest woman I know, Serena. When we were kids -"
"We haven't been kids in years, Neil," Serena said and some of that brilliant light went out of her eyes.
Neil sighed. "Two girlfriends and an almost fiancée," he said.
"Huh?"
He quirked a little smile. "You asked me about the women in my life. I had two serious girlfriends and an almost fiancée."
He was pleased to see her smile brightly again. "Way to change the subject there, Kanelos," she said. "I appreciate that. Someday you'll have to tell me why you didn't marry that almost-fiancé."
"Yeah someday. There's a lot of time. I hope."
"There is. I'm back in Port Charles for awhile so expect to see me around more than you ever wanted to."
She then reached out and lightly brushed his cheek with her lips before slipping out of his arms.
XoXoXo
She did stay in Port Charles. It took time but she finally opened up about why she seemed so sad at times and why she tried so hard to hide it. She didn't want anyone to see her pain. She had lost so many people she loved: her sister Karen, her mother, a brother named Logan she never even got to meet ... her own almost-fiancée named Derek. She told Neil they had met in France where she was studying photography and though Derek was older by nearly ten years, she had loved him immediately. She still hadn't gotten over it and that's why she was so glad to receive the invitation to Frank and Livvie's wedding. She needed the chance to be around people who weren't grieving all the time like her. And her dad. She even revealed to him that Scott had been against her coming to the Locke-Scanlon wedding because he still blamed Frank for Karen's death. But Serena mused, "I am glad I defied him or I'd have kept on missing you, Neil."
XoXoXo
He thought about kissing her so many times; thought about asking her to be his forever but he believed she wasn't ready for that and even if she was, he wasn't sure she would ever love him the way he did her. So he waited and bided his time until he could finally figure out what she wanted.
The exact night he thought about really kissing her though, she stopped him with her news. He hadn't seen her much in two weeks. He had made linguini and set it out on a table on the roof of her apartment for them to enjoy. However, when she showed up she was too happy to even sit still.
"I met someone," she immediately gushed when he asked her why she was lit up like a firecracker.
He nodded. "Oh..."
"He's amazing, Neil! Everything I want; everything I thought I wouldn't find again after Derek."
"Oh ..." That's all he could say as he stared at the pathetically forgotten meal.
"His name is Johnny Zacchara."
Neil looked up at her. "The mob guy?"
"Well his dad's in the mob -"
"Serena, what the hell are you thinking?"
"What are you talking about, Neil?" Her eyes flashed.
"He has a dangerous life, Serena. I don't want to see you get hurt."
"Living hurts, Neil. Being with Johnny is one of the few times I don't feel dead inside." Then she turned and walked off.
XoXoXo
He wouldn't see her around much for the next four months. When he finally did, she was on her deathbed, the victim of a stray gunshot. She wasn't going to survive a surgery; everyone knew it. She wanted to see Neil and of course, he came. With tears burning his eyes and his heart breaking. He was supposed to die young; not her.
He took her hand. "Serena."
"Neil." She offered him a weak smile. "I'm so glad you came."
"Me too." A tear finally gave way and streaked down his cheek.
"Hey, don't cry. Not for me. I knew what I was getting myself into when I took up with a guy who hurt my brother so many times."
"Was it about revenge?" Neil asked, clenching her hand as tightly as he dared.
"No. It was really about forgetting the pain, forgetting everything. Even you..."
"What?"
"I loved you so much, Neil. I was just stubborn. I couldn't admit how much I wanted you. And now it's too late."
"It doesn't have to be," Neil said hoarsely. "We can fight this. We can. We can have that life we've been cheated out of."
Serena shook her head and he could tell even that was an effort. "No, there's not any time."
"Serena..."
"Why didn't you ever try to kiss me? Even once?"
"I didn't believe you wanted that."
"Well I did. And if I just would have admitted it ..."
"Serena ..."
"I love you, Neil, I always have."
And then he was pressing his lips to hers until he felt that she simply wasn't there anymore and his heart broke. How had he cheated death over and over and Serena, His Serena, couldn't?
XoXoXo
Every time he closed his eyes, the flashback of their too-short history played over in his mind. It had been two years since her death and everyone told him it was time to move on but he remained in a stagnant pattern, unable to move forward. His dad was convinced he was going to make himself sick again. Neil knew better. He was going to keep on living just to feel this pain over and over.
XoXoXo
Three years to the date of Serena's death, Livvie came over and brought him an envelope that had turned up in the Scanlon's mailbox that morning. She cupped her hugely pregnant stomach and offered him an encouraging smile. "I brought it right away. You need to see it."
He opened the envelope and looked inside. His heart stopped. It was a picture of him and Serena taken when they were just kids. He was sitting on a hospital bed smiling while she rubbed his bald head with laughter in her eyes. "Ohmigod ... where ... how?!"
"Like I said it came in the mail. No postmark. It just said 'Mr. Scanlon' so Frank opened it but he knew immediately it was a message for you."
"From who?"
Livvie shrugged. "I don't know but as corny as this may sound, I think that its Serena's way of saying she's alright now and you're going to be okay too."
Neil looked at the photo as a tear dripped down his cheek. It could have been sent from anyone but he didn't really believe it. This was the kind of thing Serena would have done and he loved her all over again for it. But he also felt freer than he had in so long.
And this time when he closed his eyes and flashed back, the memories didn't hurt so much when he opened his eyes.
FINIS