Yet again....People Suck

[fortheloveibear]

Why are you so mad? Upset, that I never made you the top priority all of the time? Does this world bleed just for you? Three words for every one that didnt get to share time with me, or didnt get enough with me, or is upset with the fact that SHIT ALWAYS happens to me..... "LIFE FUCKING HAPPENS

Comments

[amoury]

Y'now, it doesn't bother me that you posted in reply to my post. You have full right to. Just as I had full right to write it.
If you didn't get the point of it, here it is; if you claim to miss me, then you can at least *call* me to let me know you can't come over. You can make that amount of effort. I wasn't comparing you, love. If you are offended, then you are offended at your own actions and how they made me feel.
I have NEVER EVER demanded that I be top priority in your life. When you left that night I told you to just CALL if you couldn't make it by. That's IT. If "shit happened" as you so claimed, that's the least you could have done. The point is is that I have NEVER been that important in any sense of priority to you for you to make that simple action, and let me know you give half a dime's worth for my feelings.
How do you think it made me feel to know that you were in this part of the country last February (or March, can't remember) when I was pregnant, and you not only didn't stop by for a few minutes, but you *never even called*? How can you miss me when all I get is a message from my husband who happened to be at Ally's when you dropped by there for a bit to "say hi to her for me"? Am I supposed to feel like you care when that happens? That I mean anything at all to you? if so, then I have no idea how you ever really saw our relationship.
I'll tell you from my perspective how I saw our relationship; I fucking loved you until it hurt. I was willing to travel miles in crap cars to come and see you, because you were so WORTH it in my eyes. I would sit with you and try to comfort you through your nasty dealings with you-know-who. I wanted to be there for you, and love you, and hold you, and make sure you were all right. Making love to you at 4am, or 6am, hours and hours was beyond wonderful. I cherished our moments together and I never needed a dozen roses a week, or diamonds on my fingers. And everything I've ever done, every effort I made to make sure you KNEW I loved you was for JUST THAT REASON.
And for awhile... it was good, wasn't it? It was lovely. But over the last few years, what have you done to show me you care? I'm not asking for the "I miss you"s or what not, I'm asking through pure and present ACTION what you've done AT ALL to really SHOW you miss me or care for me.
Don't insult me by making me out to be demanding, for you know that isn't true. At ALL. If I was demanding, I'd expect you to come by and stay for days because "I'm too good for anyone else". You KNOW I've never thought of your life as a slavery to my will, I just wanted a CALL. And if THAT is too demanding, if THAT is just too much for you to accomplish, then how do you expect me to honestly feel?! If you had called that Wednesday and said "I'm sorry V, I'd really like to come see you again... but I'm really busy. I do want to let you know that I was glad to see you and your babe and Ilya. I do miss you, and I'm sorry things just don't work out betwixt us" I would have not only never made that post about you, never said one bad word in your direction, but any hopes I had of you actually loving me would have come true in my eyes and that would have been enough. And any bad feelings I'd had for all this would have faded out and I would have probably rekindled my love for you in return.
I'm glad for you and your impending family. It can be very fullfilling. But do NOT come on here and claim that because of me (no matter your disclaimer) I am a big deciding factor in you not coming back to Mass. You can easily resurface here permanently with or without my love or hate. You don't ever have to speak to me or let me know you've come back if you wiash it to be so. But don't dare make out like I'm just a big bitch and have no accordance to my feelings, and that that's a big reason why you won't come back. I wouldn't put that on you. It makes one feel like crap, which is exactly how I feel about now.
I have held back talking about this, in lj, with friends, whoever until now. I feel I have a right to feel this way. It is by your lack of action that I feel this way, I'm not making shit up.
Congrats on your family, and I wish you the best.
-V