i haven't been myself

[forthefirsttime]

i'm this bitter
my plan, is to go just as your equal

my tears are for lying
everything means nothing
i will not shine
my heart is for dying

so far away
i've never been this lonely
all these years
seem like one long day

and for the first time
i know just what i want
it'll be the last time
i ever get it

all is lost
i'll never be back home
nowhere to go
it haunts me

why can't it be
just all right
in love but
not the kind to dream of

i try hard
it still hurts
like losing
i've tried
but i could never fill this

and for this last time
i can't just take it
but it's the last time
i might as well

i long for you
like i long for nothing
it's too true
i've lost my way

i can't go wrong
i've lost it all
this sad love
it fits me well