(no subject)

[fortheasking]

I'm not sure what's up with my mood these past couple of days. I don't feel like just staying in the house, but I don't really feel like seeing anyone either. I think I just need time alone. It would be nice if I could just go out, get a cup of coffee, and sit and read by myself without having to worry about running into anyone. That doesn't seem to be happening though. Every time I leave the house I get the feeling that it's simply ridiculous to do anything around here without having at least six people with you. It's getting hard to hear myself think, and now I have to go down to Orange County. Meeting Hayley's new friends, and seeing what her life is like down there witll be nice, but other than that I don't really want to go. I'm not even so sure I want to see Chris that badly come to think of it. He's barely had time to talk to me since we've been on break, and everytime he does call he's either on his way somewhere or those so many people talking in the background I can't even hear what he's saying. He's upset with me because I don't like talking about how much he hangs out with Ni. It's not the fact that she's his ex-girlfriend that bothers me, it's the fact that her and her friend Mary have been unbearably rude to me every time I've seen them. I don't want to be the bitchy, whiny girlfriend, but sometimes I do feel like Chris should say something to them about it.

bah...I'm bitching. I don't know what my problem is, in fact, I don't really even have a problem. There's just something about being back in Paso/San Luis that depresses me a bit more each time. I've realized I don't really have anywhere that really feels like home. I come back here because this is where my parents are, and it happens to be the place where I can see the handful of old friends I have. I return to Arcata because it's where I have to be right now. You would think that after twenty years of living a person would have a place they love to be.