JUMP CRACK Talk Show [Ep.1]
Title: JUMP CRACK Talk Show [Ep.1]
Author: Yours truly, Francie!
Genre: Crack/Comedy
Rating: Pg13
Pairing: Various hinted.
Summary: HSJ starts their own talk show and things get out of hand.
A/N: I started this series because sometimes I just want to write about crack and I never really have good ideas for plots. So this is my getaway excuse. It's not like a fic, more like a script, but it's okay right?
Disclaimer: I OWN THE TALK SHOW! *Beaten down by rabid fangirls.*
~`
JUMP: *In failed unison.* Doumo and welcome to JUMP CRACK Talk Show!
*Deafening fangirl screaming drowns out "Your Seed" playing in the background.*
JUMP sits in the middle of the stage on a long semi-circular couch.
Yabu: Hai! So to get us started, everyone introduce themselves along with a random fact!
Takaki: But they already know who we are. Especially me and my sexy bod. *Takaki gets up and strips halfway.*
*More fangirl screaming.*
Yabu: DO THAT WITH YAMADA BUT NOT HERE! God, what is with people and public smexing? *Sigh.* Anyway, Yabu Kota desu. I am the oldest in JUMP.
Takaki: Hai, Takaki Yuya desu. Yamada moans really loud.
Ryutaro: In what? *Takaki smirks and shivers crawl up Ryutaro's spine.* H-hai... Morimoto Ryutaro desu... and I just found out something I really didn't need to know.
Yamada: *In a childish voice.* Hai Yamada Ryosuke desu! Takaki's is really big!
Chinen: Really big what? *Chinen's eyes pop out and his face turns a lovely shade of red.* Chinen Yuri desu... I think something's growing in my pants.
Inoo: Inoo Kei desu! Eeto, my sister shoved me in a stinky bathroom stall again.
Keito: *In English* Hello! Okamoto Keito desu! I like chocolate milk!
Daiki: Arioka Daiki desu and I think Keito's watched too much American television.
Yuto: OH PUH-LEEZE YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING RUSSIAN GROWTH PROGRAMS SINCE THIS MORNING! ... Ahem, Nakajima Yuto desu.
Hikaru: And the best for last, Yaotome Hika-
Daiki: YOU ASSHOLE WHAT ABOUT THAT PILE OF PORN YOU LENT ME YESTERDAY?
Yuto: THAT WASN'T PORN YOU STUPID IDIOT. THAT WAS MY ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PUPPIES! ARE YOU FREAKING HORNY EVERY SECOND OF THE YEAR?
Daiki: WHAT WERE ALL THOSE DICKS YOU DREW ON THERE HUH? WHO'S HORNY-SAN NOW BETCH?
Hikaru: AS I WAS SAYING...
*Studio goes quiet.*
Hikaru: Yaotome Hikaru desu! Eeto, I ate a cat burger right before I came!
Chinen: *Crying* Y-y-you ate a cat? *Sniff sniff* WAHHH! I KNEW YOU HATED THEM BUT I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D EAT THE POOR LITTLE THINGS! WAHH!
Hikaru: No no! I mean a catfish burger not a cat burger!
Ryutaro: OH NOW YOU DROWN THEM AND THEN COOK THEM? ABSOLUTELY SICK.
Hikaru: I mean the catfish that swim in the ocean not drowned cats!
Chinen & Ryutaro: Ohh.
*Studio still quiet with a few girls coughing sarcastically.*
Yabu: ... Moving on. In this talk show, we'd like to answer questions from the audience and fans as well as display our humor and the casual side of JUMP. We will pick our first question out of this here hat, *Pull out a top hat with pieces of paper in it* and go on from there. Chinen will you please pick the first question and read it to us.
*Chinen reaches his hand in and pulls out a question.*
Chinen: This is from a girl named... Takaki Yui? Umm... "To Ryosuke-kun, how about having some fun tonight? ♥"
Takaki: *Eyes shift to Yamada.* Anytime babe.
*Fangirls scream chanting "Takayama! Takayama! Takayama!"*
Inoo: I want to pull out a question! *Reaches hand in and pulls out piece of paper.* From Ichigo-ko. "What would be your one wish and why?"
Yabu: Let's have everyone answer this!
Daiki: ME FIRST I WANNA GROW TALLER CUZ TALL PEOPLE ARE SEXY. END OF DISCUSSION.
Hikaru: ... I wish for everyone to laugh at my jokes.
*Audience and JUMP start laughing sarcastically.*
Hikaru: That wasn't a joke.
*...*
Chinen: I wish to grow biiig and strong! (o^w^o)
*Fangirls go "KYAHHH: and JUMP goes "Aww kawaii."*
Ryutaro: *Mumbles* Fricking attention whore. *Regular voice.* I wish to take over the world.
Keito: Are you Hitler? I swore I saw a mustache growing.
Ryutaro: ICH BIN EIN RYUTARO! NOT HITLER!
Keito: YOU SPEAK GERMAN?
Ryutaro: I SAID I'M RYUTARO, NOT HITLER!
Keito: Just don't throw your nazi hamsters at me. I wish to be sexy.
*Francie in the audience: You already are!*
Keito: Thanks darling. *Flashes a smile at the audience.*
*Fangirls go "KYAAAAHHH" again.*
Yamada: I wish to have my own strawberry patch.
Yuto: What, so you can go roll around in your happy fruit and call yourself Ichigo Oyaji?
Yamada: No! I want to-
Yuto: Then make a fortune off of those strawberries and then poison them at the last minute so everyone in Japan can die and then give Takaki the antidote so you can fuck him whereever you want?
Yamda: No I- ... Not a bad idea.
Yuto: HELL NO YOU AREN'T DOING THAT. I wish to be an elephant.
Inoo: You know elephants have ridiculously large dicks right?
Yuto: O_O WHAT?
Inoo: There's elephants with dicks so huge, people mistake it for a 5th leg. (A/N: Seriously, my dad thought it was a 5th leg.)
Yuto: *Rocking back and forth in a corner petting his plush pink elephant.* It's okay my dear Elle-chan, you are not a freak, you are not a freak, you are not- I SAID YOU ARE NOT A FREAK SO SHUT UP!
Inoo: I wish to pick Yuto's next mental asylum. =w=
Yabu: Yeah you do that. My turn! I wish to become a great scientist and bring back the ozone layer!
Yamada: You can't bring back the ozone layer. If it's gone, it's gone.
Yabu: Well when I become a scientist, I'll invent this spray that will repair the ozone layer as well as freshen the whole planet and make it smell like flowers.
Yamada: Are you homo? I swear, everything that just came out of your mouth was, "I'm a homo. I'm a homo. I'm a homo."
Yabu: Shut up! I'm being environmental!
Yamada: No, you're just being regular mental.
Yabu: YOU WANNA SAY THAT AGAIN ICHIGO-DICTATOR?
Yamada: BRING IT ON MISS PANSY-PANTS!
Yabu & Yamada: *In a hectic cat fight, wrestling like a bunch of little girls.*
Chinen & Ryutaro: *In Yuto's emo corner trying to comfort him.*
Takaki: *Stripping in front of the audience.* Yeah, you like that don't you girls. *Kisses his own biceps.*
Hikaru: Anoo I think you guys should calm down.
Inoo: AND I SAY IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO GROW 5 INCHES IN ONE DAY.
Daiki: NOTHING'S IMPOSSIBLE IF YOU JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! AKIRAMENAI KIMI GA IREBA~!
Inoo: YOU SING LIKE YOUR FRICKIN' MAMA! DONNA TOKI MO CHANSU WA ARU~!
Daiki & Inoo: *"Your Seed" singing battle.*
Keito: *Looks at Hikaru.*
Hikaru: *Looks at Keito.*
Keito: I thought this was supposed to be a talk show.
Hikaru: Yeah that's what I thought too.
*Audience blinks confused as chaos ensues the stage.*
Keito: Wanna make out?
Hikaru: Eh, okay.
*Keito and Hikaru start lip-locking insanely.*
*Audience starts chanting "Hikato! Hikato! Hikato!"*
~`
Well that's the first episode! Comment if you like it! As you can see, I sneaked myself in. =w=
If you would like to be in the talk show as a guest, please comment saying so! ^^
Author: Yours truly, Francie!
Genre: Crack/Comedy
Rating: Pg13
Pairing: Various hinted.
Summary: HSJ starts their own talk show and things get out of hand.
A/N: I started this series because sometimes I just want to write about crack and I never really have good ideas for plots. So this is my getaway excuse. It's not like a fic, more like a script, but it's okay right?
Disclaimer: I OWN THE TALK SHOW! *Beaten down by rabid fangirls.*
~`
JUMP: *In failed unison.* Doumo and welcome to JUMP CRACK Talk Show!
*Deafening fangirl screaming drowns out "Your Seed" playing in the background.*
JUMP sits in the middle of the stage on a long semi-circular couch.
Yabu: Hai! So to get us started, everyone introduce themselves along with a random fact!
Takaki: But they already know who we are. Especially me and my sexy bod. *Takaki gets up and strips halfway.*
*More fangirl screaming.*
Yabu: DO THAT WITH YAMADA BUT NOT HERE! God, what is with people and public smexing? *Sigh.* Anyway, Yabu Kota desu. I am the oldest in JUMP.
Takaki: Hai, Takaki Yuya desu. Yamada moans really loud.
Ryutaro: In what? *Takaki smirks and shivers crawl up Ryutaro's spine.* H-hai... Morimoto Ryutaro desu... and I just found out something I really didn't need to know.
Yamada: *In a childish voice.* Hai Yamada Ryosuke desu! Takaki's is really big!
Chinen: Really big what? *Chinen's eyes pop out and his face turns a lovely shade of red.* Chinen Yuri desu... I think something's growing in my pants.
Inoo: Inoo Kei desu! Eeto, my sister shoved me in a stinky bathroom stall again.
Keito: *In English* Hello! Okamoto Keito desu! I like chocolate milk!
Daiki: Arioka Daiki desu and I think Keito's watched too much American television.
Yuto: OH PUH-LEEZE YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING RUSSIAN GROWTH PROGRAMS SINCE THIS MORNING! ... Ahem, Nakajima Yuto desu.
Hikaru: And the best for last, Yaotome Hika-
Daiki: YOU ASSHOLE WHAT ABOUT THAT PILE OF PORN YOU LENT ME YESTERDAY?
Yuto: THAT WASN'T PORN YOU STUPID IDIOT. THAT WAS MY ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PUPPIES! ARE YOU FREAKING HORNY EVERY SECOND OF THE YEAR?
Daiki: WHAT WERE ALL THOSE DICKS YOU DREW ON THERE HUH? WHO'S HORNY-SAN NOW BETCH?
Hikaru: AS I WAS SAYING...
*Studio goes quiet.*
Hikaru: Yaotome Hikaru desu! Eeto, I ate a cat burger right before I came!
Chinen: *Crying* Y-y-you ate a cat? *Sniff sniff* WAHHH! I KNEW YOU HATED THEM BUT I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D EAT THE POOR LITTLE THINGS! WAHH!
Hikaru: No no! I mean a catfish burger not a cat burger!
Ryutaro: OH NOW YOU DROWN THEM AND THEN COOK THEM? ABSOLUTELY SICK.
Hikaru: I mean the catfish that swim in the ocean not drowned cats!
Chinen & Ryutaro: Ohh.
*Studio still quiet with a few girls coughing sarcastically.*
Yabu: ... Moving on. In this talk show, we'd like to answer questions from the audience and fans as well as display our humor and the casual side of JUMP. We will pick our first question out of this here hat, *Pull out a top hat with pieces of paper in it* and go on from there. Chinen will you please pick the first question and read it to us.
*Chinen reaches his hand in and pulls out a question.*
Chinen: This is from a girl named... Takaki Yui? Umm... "To Ryosuke-kun, how about having some fun tonight? ♥"
Takaki: *Eyes shift to Yamada.* Anytime babe.
*Fangirls scream chanting "Takayama! Takayama! Takayama!"*
Inoo: I want to pull out a question! *Reaches hand in and pulls out piece of paper.* From Ichigo-ko. "What would be your one wish and why?"
Yabu: Let's have everyone answer this!
Daiki: ME FIRST I WANNA GROW TALLER CUZ TALL PEOPLE ARE SEXY. END OF DISCUSSION.
Hikaru: ... I wish for everyone to laugh at my jokes.
*Audience and JUMP start laughing sarcastically.*
Hikaru: That wasn't a joke.
*...*
Chinen: I wish to grow biiig and strong! (o^w^o)
*Fangirls go "KYAHHH: and JUMP goes "Aww kawaii."*
Ryutaro: *Mumbles* Fricking attention whore. *Regular voice.* I wish to take over the world.
Keito: Are you Hitler? I swore I saw a mustache growing.
Ryutaro: ICH BIN EIN RYUTARO! NOT HITLER!
Keito: YOU SPEAK GERMAN?
Ryutaro: I SAID I'M RYUTARO, NOT HITLER!
Keito: Just don't throw your nazi hamsters at me. I wish to be sexy.
*Francie in the audience: You already are!*
Keito: Thanks darling. *Flashes a smile at the audience.*
*Fangirls go "KYAAAAHHH" again.*
Yamada: I wish to have my own strawberry patch.
Yuto: What, so you can go roll around in your happy fruit and call yourself Ichigo Oyaji?
Yamada: No! I want to-
Yuto: Then make a fortune off of those strawberries and then poison them at the last minute so everyone in Japan can die and then give Takaki the antidote so you can fuck him whereever you want?
Yamda: No I- ... Not a bad idea.
Yuto: HELL NO YOU AREN'T DOING THAT. I wish to be an elephant.
Inoo: You know elephants have ridiculously large dicks right?
Yuto: O_O WHAT?
Inoo: There's elephants with dicks so huge, people mistake it for a 5th leg. (A/N: Seriously, my dad thought it was a 5th leg.)
Yuto: *Rocking back and forth in a corner petting his plush pink elephant.* It's okay my dear Elle-chan, you are not a freak, you are not a freak, you are not- I SAID YOU ARE NOT A FREAK SO SHUT UP!
Inoo: I wish to pick Yuto's next mental asylum. =w=
Yabu: Yeah you do that. My turn! I wish to become a great scientist and bring back the ozone layer!
Yamada: You can't bring back the ozone layer. If it's gone, it's gone.
Yabu: Well when I become a scientist, I'll invent this spray that will repair the ozone layer as well as freshen the whole planet and make it smell like flowers.
Yamada: Are you homo? I swear, everything that just came out of your mouth was, "I'm a homo. I'm a homo. I'm a homo."
Yabu: Shut up! I'm being environmental!
Yamada: No, you're just being regular mental.
Yabu: YOU WANNA SAY THAT AGAIN ICHIGO-DICTATOR?
Yamada: BRING IT ON MISS PANSY-PANTS!
Yabu & Yamada: *In a hectic cat fight, wrestling like a bunch of little girls.*
Chinen & Ryutaro: *In Yuto's emo corner trying to comfort him.*
Takaki: *Stripping in front of the audience.* Yeah, you like that don't you girls. *Kisses his own biceps.*
Hikaru: Anoo I think you guys should calm down.
Inoo: AND I SAY IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO GROW 5 INCHES IN ONE DAY.
Daiki: NOTHING'S IMPOSSIBLE IF YOU JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! AKIRAMENAI KIMI GA IREBA~!
Inoo: YOU SING LIKE YOUR FRICKIN' MAMA! DONNA TOKI MO CHANSU WA ARU~!
Daiki & Inoo: *"Your Seed" singing battle.*
Keito: *Looks at Hikaru.*
Hikaru: *Looks at Keito.*
Keito: I thought this was supposed to be a talk show.
Hikaru: Yeah that's what I thought too.
*Audience blinks confused as chaos ensues the stage.*
Keito: Wanna make out?
Hikaru: Eh, okay.
*Keito and Hikaru start lip-locking insanely.*
*Audience starts chanting "Hikato! Hikato! Hikato!"*
~`
Well that's the first episode! Comment if you like it! As you can see, I sneaked myself in. =w=
If you would like to be in the talk show as a guest, please comment saying so! ^^