[FIC] Hope In Shadows
Title: Hope In Shadows
Length: One-shot
Author: Forsaken
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Drama
Fandom: DBSK (THSK)
FYI: /denotes inner thoughts/
Summary: During the conflict between three of the members of DBSK and the powerful SM Corporation, Jaejoong tries to deal with his separation from Yunho and Changmin and the instability and chaos bleeding into his world.
Author's Note: I haven't written in a while, but I found myself in need of comforting myself during this horrible time with our boys. Right now, this little fic stands as a one-shot, but it may turn into a series, much like my Genesis series did, if I'm inspired to take it further. Guess we'll see. Hope you enjoy it. As always, I look forward to your comments.
Disclaimer: I do not own DBSK/THSK or any of its lovely members. I just love them to no end and have a very twisted imagination.
Hope In Shadows
“Do you regret our decision?”
“No, that I’ll never regret.” Jaejoong swallowed painfully as he turned his somber gaze once again to the window he’d been staring out of, eyes peering into the night. “I regret leaving them behind.”
He felt the comforting weight of Yoochun’s hand on his shoulders. “I know, Jae. But they chose to stay. And now, there’s nothing we can do but ride this all out.”
Jaejoong clenched his fists, pressing them into the windowsill. “What if we never get back what we had?” he whispered, the words tearing at his heart. “What if we’re never together again like we used to be?”
“I guess we’ll move on, just like they will.”
“I don’t want to move on!” Tears sprung to Jaejoong’s eyes and he had to take a deep breath to control the sudden desperation clutching his insides.
Yoochun sighed. “Jae….”
“No!” Jaejoong turned around to face his friend, not caring of the wetness sliding down his cheeks. “They’re part of our family, Yoochun.”
“I know, Jae. But it’s out of our hands.”
“How can we just let this happen, let them separate us like this? It’s not fair! We did nothing wrong!”
Strong arms wrapped around him as Yoochun embraced him. “No, we didn’t.”
Jaejoong’s face contorted as despair nearly overwhelmed him. With tear filled eyes, he whispered, “I miss Changmin. I miss…I miss Yunho.”
Pure agony invaded his senses as he spoke his estranged lover’s name. Although his relationship with Yunho wasn’t a secret among his bandmates, Yoochun was the only one privy to his secret thoughts and innermost feelings. He knew better than anyone how much Jaejoong loved Yunho and what this near unbearable separation was doing to him. His friend was aware of how it tormented Jaejoong to see Yunho only briefly and never in private. How standing just a few feet away from Yunho and being unable to touch him, to even speak to him, ripped into Jaejoong’s heart.
“I know you do,” Yoochun replied, his voice low, comforting. “And I’m sure he misses you, too.” Yoochun pulled away enough to look into Jaejoong's eyes. “We’ll be together again, Jae. I know we will. But for now, the three of us have to stick together. We have to remain strong and faithful to our convictions. We have to make a stand.”
A gentle finger wiped away the wetness at the corner of Jaejoong’s right eye. “You’ll be with him again soon, Jaejoong.”
Unable to stop himself, Jaejoong let out a sob and then completely fell apart. He cried uncontrollably, clutching at Yoochun’s shirt as he fell forward against his friend’s chest, lost in a sea of misery, incapable of speech or lucid thought.
When Jaejoong could no longer hold himself up, Yoochun half carried him to his bed. His friend settled him in, pulling the covers over him, all the while running a soothing hand through Jaejoong’s hair. Sniffling, Jaejoong slowly blinked, eyes dry and irritated, body tired and drained, soul agonized and still silently calling out for its other half.
“Are you going to be alright?”
Though he was too tired to conjure up his usually bright smile, Jaejoong still tried, curving his lips a little, as he gazed up at his concerned friend. “I’m okay, Yoochun. I don’t mean to worry you. It’s just… Some days are worst than others, you know?”
Yoochun nodded his head. “Yeah, I do.”
Jaejoong knew he did, Junsu too. The three of them just weren’t whole without Changmin and Yunho. Jaejoong took a deep breath and valiantly tried to push away his own sadness, unwilling to continue behaving so selfishly. Yoochun and Junsu were suffering just as he was, but they weren’t lying around in bed crying like babies. He needed to man up, dammit.
Determined to stop wallowing in his own unhappiness, Jaejoong moved to get up, pulling at the bed sheets. Yoochun, however, didn’t let him. Instead, he pushed Jaejoong further into the bed and tucked him in once again.
“Stay put.”
“No, I should get up and make dinner.” /Keep myself busy,/ he added silently.
Yoochun refused to let him. “Dinner can wait, and you need to rest for a bit.”
“I’m fine, Yoochun. I’m not even tired.” But even as he spoke the words, it was becoming harder and harder to keep his eyes open, his eyelids growing heavier.
“Stop pouting and humor me, okay?”
Knowing Yoochun wouldn’t relent, Jaejoong let out a small, exasperated sigh and did as his friend wished, snuggling further into the bed.
Chuckling, Yoochun patted Jaejoong’s head softly and stood up. As the other man turned to leave the room, Jaejoong reached out and clasped Yoochun’s hand in a tight grip. “It’ll all be okay, right Yoochun?”
Yoochun nodded his head and smiled. “It will.”
Jaejoong smiled back, refusing to acknowledge the fact that Yoochun’s smile hadn't reached his eyes, and said, “I’ll try to be more patient then. Promise.” /I’ll try to be stronger./
“Good, now go to sleep.”
The lights dimmed and the door clicked shut as Yoochun left the room. Jaejoong turned onto his side, his tired eyes focusing once again on the window and the dark sky beyond it. /Why does it have to be this way, Yunho? Why didn’t you make a stand with me?/
Even as the bitter thoughts filtered through his mind, Jaejoong knew he was being unfair. Yunho had his reasons for staying, good reasons, and Jaejoong couldn’t begrudge him for having them. He could only hope that Yunho thought the same.
Turning his face into his pillow, Jaejoong closed his eyes, telling himself that he would indeed keep his promise to Yoochun. He would be more patient, and he would be stronger. From past experience, he knew things would become worst before they got better. But, sooner or later, his family would be reunited and he would once again know the joy of having Yunho’s arms around him.
/Hope,/ Jaejoong thought, as everything faded away, his troubles lost within the cloud of slumber. /I have to have hope./
THE END
Length: One-shot
Author: Forsaken
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Drama
Fandom: DBSK (THSK)
FYI: /denotes inner thoughts/
Summary: During the conflict between three of the members of DBSK and the powerful SM Corporation, Jaejoong tries to deal with his separation from Yunho and Changmin and the instability and chaos bleeding into his world.
Author's Note: I haven't written in a while, but I found myself in need of comforting myself during this horrible time with our boys. Right now, this little fic stands as a one-shot, but it may turn into a series, much like my Genesis series did, if I'm inspired to take it further. Guess we'll see. Hope you enjoy it. As always, I look forward to your comments.
Disclaimer: I do not own DBSK/THSK or any of its lovely members. I just love them to no end and have a very twisted imagination.
Hope In Shadows
“Do you regret our decision?”
“No, that I’ll never regret.” Jaejoong swallowed painfully as he turned his somber gaze once again to the window he’d been staring out of, eyes peering into the night. “I regret leaving them behind.”
He felt the comforting weight of Yoochun’s hand on his shoulders. “I know, Jae. But they chose to stay. And now, there’s nothing we can do but ride this all out.”
Jaejoong clenched his fists, pressing them into the windowsill. “What if we never get back what we had?” he whispered, the words tearing at his heart. “What if we’re never together again like we used to be?”
“I guess we’ll move on, just like they will.”
“I don’t want to move on!” Tears sprung to Jaejoong’s eyes and he had to take a deep breath to control the sudden desperation clutching his insides.
Yoochun sighed. “Jae….”
“No!” Jaejoong turned around to face his friend, not caring of the wetness sliding down his cheeks. “They’re part of our family, Yoochun.”
“I know, Jae. But it’s out of our hands.”
“How can we just let this happen, let them separate us like this? It’s not fair! We did nothing wrong!”
Strong arms wrapped around him as Yoochun embraced him. “No, we didn’t.”
Jaejoong’s face contorted as despair nearly overwhelmed him. With tear filled eyes, he whispered, “I miss Changmin. I miss…I miss Yunho.”
Pure agony invaded his senses as he spoke his estranged lover’s name. Although his relationship with Yunho wasn’t a secret among his bandmates, Yoochun was the only one privy to his secret thoughts and innermost feelings. He knew better than anyone how much Jaejoong loved Yunho and what this near unbearable separation was doing to him. His friend was aware of how it tormented Jaejoong to see Yunho only briefly and never in private. How standing just a few feet away from Yunho and being unable to touch him, to even speak to him, ripped into Jaejoong’s heart.
“I know you do,” Yoochun replied, his voice low, comforting. “And I’m sure he misses you, too.” Yoochun pulled away enough to look into Jaejoong's eyes. “We’ll be together again, Jae. I know we will. But for now, the three of us have to stick together. We have to remain strong and faithful to our convictions. We have to make a stand.”
A gentle finger wiped away the wetness at the corner of Jaejoong’s right eye. “You’ll be with him again soon, Jaejoong.”
Unable to stop himself, Jaejoong let out a sob and then completely fell apart. He cried uncontrollably, clutching at Yoochun’s shirt as he fell forward against his friend’s chest, lost in a sea of misery, incapable of speech or lucid thought.
When Jaejoong could no longer hold himself up, Yoochun half carried him to his bed. His friend settled him in, pulling the covers over him, all the while running a soothing hand through Jaejoong’s hair. Sniffling, Jaejoong slowly blinked, eyes dry and irritated, body tired and drained, soul agonized and still silently calling out for its other half.
“Are you going to be alright?”
Though he was too tired to conjure up his usually bright smile, Jaejoong still tried, curving his lips a little, as he gazed up at his concerned friend. “I’m okay, Yoochun. I don’t mean to worry you. It’s just… Some days are worst than others, you know?”
Yoochun nodded his head. “Yeah, I do.”
Jaejoong knew he did, Junsu too. The three of them just weren’t whole without Changmin and Yunho. Jaejoong took a deep breath and valiantly tried to push away his own sadness, unwilling to continue behaving so selfishly. Yoochun and Junsu were suffering just as he was, but they weren’t lying around in bed crying like babies. He needed to man up, dammit.
Determined to stop wallowing in his own unhappiness, Jaejoong moved to get up, pulling at the bed sheets. Yoochun, however, didn’t let him. Instead, he pushed Jaejoong further into the bed and tucked him in once again.
“Stay put.”
“No, I should get up and make dinner.” /Keep myself busy,/ he added silently.
Yoochun refused to let him. “Dinner can wait, and you need to rest for a bit.”
“I’m fine, Yoochun. I’m not even tired.” But even as he spoke the words, it was becoming harder and harder to keep his eyes open, his eyelids growing heavier.
“Stop pouting and humor me, okay?”
Knowing Yoochun wouldn’t relent, Jaejoong let out a small, exasperated sigh and did as his friend wished, snuggling further into the bed.
Chuckling, Yoochun patted Jaejoong’s head softly and stood up. As the other man turned to leave the room, Jaejoong reached out and clasped Yoochun’s hand in a tight grip. “It’ll all be okay, right Yoochun?”
Yoochun nodded his head and smiled. “It will.”
Jaejoong smiled back, refusing to acknowledge the fact that Yoochun’s smile hadn't reached his eyes, and said, “I’ll try to be more patient then. Promise.” /I’ll try to be stronger./
“Good, now go to sleep.”
The lights dimmed and the door clicked shut as Yoochun left the room. Jaejoong turned onto his side, his tired eyes focusing once again on the window and the dark sky beyond it. /Why does it have to be this way, Yunho? Why didn’t you make a stand with me?/
Even as the bitter thoughts filtered through his mind, Jaejoong knew he was being unfair. Yunho had his reasons for staying, good reasons, and Jaejoong couldn’t begrudge him for having them. He could only hope that Yunho thought the same.
Turning his face into his pillow, Jaejoong closed his eyes, telling himself that he would indeed keep his promise to Yoochun. He would be more patient, and he would be stronger. From past experience, he knew things would become worst before they got better. But, sooner or later, his family would be reunited and he would once again know the joy of having Yunho’s arms around him.
/Hope,/ Jaejoong thought, as everything faded away, his troubles lost within the cloud of slumber. /I have to have hope./
THE END