December 3 (Saturday) ~ At home (2:04 a.m.)
He was in pain, an intense pain that blinded him. Forward he stumbled into the darkness grasping for anything to guide him along, a wall or a chair just anything to keep him from falling. As another wave of pain coursed through his body he realized it was too late and he suddenly felt a hard surface below him. The pain was still thriving but his body started to feel cold and the shivers started. He was dying, there was no other way to explain it, he just knew it was the end. He couldn't remember how he ended up this way, was it Masao or his own stupidity. Turning his head Kira opened his eyes and found himself face to face with a mirror but it wasn't his bloody face looking back at him, no it was Leo's. He wasn't Kira after all he was Leo and he was dying.
Jumping up in bed Kira panicked as the sheets curled around him and he struggled to break free of their tight grip. In a matter of seconds his body hit the floor and he managed to roll out of his burden. His body was shaking a bit and his mind dizzy, Kira decided he might as well clean up a bit as his shirt clung to the sweat on his body. He left his room and went to the bathroom, his mom was working tonight so he didn't have to worry about waking her. He looked at his drawn face in the mirror and splashed some water on his face doing anything to keep the bile rising in his throat down. After calming down some it seemed to help.
Once back in his room he switched the light back on, he wasn't going to sleep now, not after that dream. He only wondered why Leo? It didn't make sense he hadn't really talked to Sawada in over a month, he still considered him to be his friend though the best and truest he had. He gave Leo his space knowing the boy was still leaving. Where was it Leo said he was going, maybe England, maybe he was running away, Kira couldn't remember. Everything that Leo said about his departure was a blur but the rest stayed fresh in his memory. His words of advise that kept Kira from touching the needle.
He opened his desk drawer and pulled the note out that Leo gave him with a number to call if he ever needed help. Kira never had a reason to use it but he kept it in case, Leo himself wouldn't be around forever he himself admitted it but he also promised Kira he would come back. He wouldn't leave Kira, at least that was what he said but now as time passed and the drugs run thin in his systems did Kira realize how little everything made sense. He had no clue what was happening with Leo but it was big though, his friend seemed miserable at times. Kira held his distance, knowing there was nothing he could do and not wanting to persuade Leo in any sort of way not to do what was best for himself.
Kira sat down and prayed that this dream only was fueled by the stress of everything and it was a coincidence that it was Leo's face not his own. After all Leo was safe, more so then Kira himself it was just odd for him to think of his friend after all this time when he wrapped himself up in finding his father so he could ignore the fact his friend was leaving. He had seen someone beat up by Shige and swore the kid was going to die and that was what must have started it and the guilt from ignoring Leo lately just added to it. Kira was sure of this and kept repeating it to convince himself of it.
He put the card back and pulled out a sketch book. Flipping through the blank pages he thought of his other problem. He couldn't paint, no ideas came to him his mind empty. Was he losing his spirit and his only talent might now be lost forever? He had to do something though his painting was due soon. He couldn't even show his anguish on the canvas anymore it just all felt numb and fake. He slammed the book back and his drawer and opted to spend the rest of his night laying awake in his bed.