amo ergo sum
havnt updated in a while. sorry. dont think you all missed me much but heres whats been happening.
bombed one of my finals, was on adderal, got sick from it and didnt eat for like 2 days and lost 5 pounds, nailed the whole section leader thing. was supose to hang with alan one day after school only for my dad to come home while i was about to open the door to the house and alan be there with me...my cell fone bill was too high and i kinda got grounded for it...had a breakdown cuz everythings all my fucking fault...i prolly freaked out so much cuz of the side effects of the adderal. bitched and complained to my mom about my life and ended up getting lectured for being such a loser and for being such a negative worry wort...i dont understand tho...i tried to explain that i cant just not worry...i try so hard...she said shes going to take me to a gyno cuz she thinks its horomones. had lunch with my dad on friday, went to my old favorite restaraunt same ol waiter we usualy had...only for him to not be the same...or maybe its just me. havnt talked to alan much, mom let me call him a few times, i worry about our relationship, he says not to worry cuz he will love me forever and never do anything to hurt me. i hope so, i love him too. i picked up the 2nd book of the gossip girl novels and finished it in one day...blaires step-bro aaron is so dreamy...*sigh and day dreams* i need to get the next one...my grandparents came into town today and are staying until mon. alans outa town at his cabin...i hope he calls me...ive cleaned my room...getting rid of pretty much everything from my past...i want to start over new...to many things holding me back...somethings i dont even understand why i even kept them...batteries...hoping someday they would work for me...notes from 7th and 8th grades?...i gues to make me smile in the future...but they dont...
mom gave me a self help book titled "dont sweat the small stuff"...do i really need help from a book? i feel pathetic now. i want alan.
tommorow i have to go to church...the church i hate and caused me to shy away from the catholic faith...i bet i might see one of those damn girls who always teased me...great...just imagine how wierd it would be to explain how im goin out with alan...they dont know me anymore...they dont know alan anymore..they would just think of us as losers...
im content at this moment...i think im going to read the damn self help novel...hopfully it will make me smarter...thinks could be alot better...and alot worse...right now i just want to run away...
ps- im going to leadership camp again this year and im rooming with the lovely katie stephens!!
bombed one of my finals, was on adderal, got sick from it and didnt eat for like 2 days and lost 5 pounds, nailed the whole section leader thing. was supose to hang with alan one day after school only for my dad to come home while i was about to open the door to the house and alan be there with me...my cell fone bill was too high and i kinda got grounded for it...had a breakdown cuz everythings all my fucking fault...i prolly freaked out so much cuz of the side effects of the adderal. bitched and complained to my mom about my life and ended up getting lectured for being such a loser and for being such a negative worry wort...i dont understand tho...i tried to explain that i cant just not worry...i try so hard...she said shes going to take me to a gyno cuz she thinks its horomones. had lunch with my dad on friday, went to my old favorite restaraunt same ol waiter we usualy had...only for him to not be the same...or maybe its just me. havnt talked to alan much, mom let me call him a few times, i worry about our relationship, he says not to worry cuz he will love me forever and never do anything to hurt me. i hope so, i love him too. i picked up the 2nd book of the gossip girl novels and finished it in one day...blaires step-bro aaron is so dreamy...*sigh and day dreams* i need to get the next one...my grandparents came into town today and are staying until mon. alans outa town at his cabin...i hope he calls me...ive cleaned my room...getting rid of pretty much everything from my past...i want to start over new...to many things holding me back...somethings i dont even understand why i even kept them...batteries...hoping someday they would work for me...notes from 7th and 8th grades?...i gues to make me smile in the future...but they dont...
mom gave me a self help book titled "dont sweat the small stuff"...do i really need help from a book? i feel pathetic now. i want alan.
tommorow i have to go to church...the church i hate and caused me to shy away from the catholic faith...i bet i might see one of those damn girls who always teased me...great...just imagine how wierd it would be to explain how im goin out with alan...they dont know me anymore...they dont know alan anymore..they would just think of us as losers...
im content at this moment...i think im going to read the damn self help novel...hopfully it will make me smarter...thinks could be alot better...and alot worse...right now i just want to run away...
ps- im going to leadership camp again this year and im rooming with the lovely katie stephens!!