Other hockey not!fic
Just for the sake of aggregation. Also because I apparently can't stand for people not to know how crazy I am?
So, uh. I have not!fic about a win and not!fic about a loss, both Kaner/Tazer. Man, sometimes I judge myself.
You know, I am pretty sure this win calls for fic involving celebratory blowjobs. A fic which I am totally not writing, mind you, but someone really should get on that. Multiple people, even. There could be one fic where Tazer and Kaner have this long-standing points system where goals=sex, with the act changing depending on the relative importance of the goal.
(And, occasionally, the way the goal was scored; any time Kaner pulls off one of those super-ridiculous-yet-glorious goals of his, he gets tied up and fucked for pretty much hours, because Tazer says that if he has the patience to fool around with fancy stick-handling, then he has the patience to deal with not getting to come until Tazer lets him. Which is basically the best we're-totally-not-admitting-this-is-positive-reinforcement ever, and Tazer doesn't even mind that they're not playing by the rules of their points system.)
So this goal happens, and not only is it an OT, game-winning goal, but it also keeps them in the playoffs, which means that Tazer gets pretty much whatever he wants. Which probably means not only celebratory blowjobs, but Kaner having to actually have a healthy breakfast the next morning instead of bacon or something, because Johnny is an awful person like that.
BUT there could also be fic about how they have all been skating around all night with their hearts clenching, and then when Tazer scored that goal it felt like being the best kind of adrenaline, like getting punched in the face by endorphins, and so when they're all in the locker room Kaner just looks at Johnny, sweaty and gross and half-out of his pads, and some part of him feels like this should not be attractive but the rest of him is too busy trying to keep him from dropping to his knees in front of Tazer right there in the locker room, in front of all the guys, right next to a roomful of reporters and everything. And when Johnny looks up and meets his eyes it's like he knows, like he can see every single dirty thought that Kaner is having, and his eyes darken and he maybe gets out of his gear a little quicker but other than that he doesn't change his routine, still talks to the press and showers instead of just grabbing Patrick and leaving, and so Patrick has to wait too, has to wash up and get dressed and say incredibly dumb things to other people because his brain is actually not working right now.
And so he gets in his own car, because Johnny doesn't believe in roadhead, and the entire time he’s practically jumping out of his own skin, his heart pounding from the win and from the way Tazer looked after, that same look of satisfaction he sometimes gets when he’s fucking Kaner, which should not actually be as hot as it is. But he somehow gets to Tazer’s place without crashing his car, and he lets himself through the door (Tazer can say whatever he wants about how he needed to have a key to Kaner’s place to make sure he wasn’t doing anything stupid, and how giving Kaner a key to Tazer’s place was just fair turnabout; Kaner knows that it’s exactly for times like this, when neither of them want to have to wait for Tazer to answer the door) and then Tazer is on him so quickly that Kaner has no time to wonder how the hell Tazer made it here before he did.
And yeah, the making out against the door is good, is great, Kaner is all about making out against the door, but he kind of came here with a goal in mind. Johnny should appreciate that. Johnny is all about goal-focused behavior, which is why Kaner takes advantage of their pause for breathing in order to spin Tazer around. Tazer’s going to need something to lean against, okay; Kaner is just that awesome.
Kaner’s knees reacquaint themselves with the floor, and he says, “You should have just taken your pants off when you got in the door,” as he unzips Tazer’s jeans. “Saved me the trouble.”
“Shut up,” Tazer says, and Kaner can’t really see any good reason not to.
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(And then I got scolded for not providing more porn. ♥)
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Oh my god, those interviews. I hate their faces SO MUCH. (And by hate, I mean I hate the fact that I could stare at their faces pretty much forever, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.) But here is my theory: After the game Kaner and Tazer pretty much let themselves wallow in their misery for a while, which for Kaner means drinking as much as Tazer would let him and for Tazer means spending a while just internally replaying everything that went wrong and trying to figure out if he could have changed anything. (Kaner cries. It’s pretty awful.) And this sort of goes on for a while until Kaner pretty much decides that fuck it, they’ve spent enough time feeling shitty, and he’s sick of seeing Tazer beating himself up. All this Canadian guilt can’t be healthy. So he essentially just razzes Tazer into snapping, which is tricky because Tazer totally knows what he’s doing. Tazer is wise to the ways of the Kaner, and when he’s moping sometimes it’s harder to get him to actually react the way Kaner wants him to. But Kaner hasn’t known Tazer this long without learning where his buttons are and how to push them; knowing the ins and outs of aggravating each other is one of the fundamental tenets of their relationship, and right now Tazer is managing to aggravate Kaner by being a moping asshole, which means it’s Kaner’s turn to return the favor. So he manages it, burns off Tazer’s melancholy outer layer until the banked rage underneath, which has so far all been turned inward, comes out, and he pretty much just picks Kaner up and manhandles him up against the wall. Kaner is very much okay with this, even if they’re still yelling at each other; Tazer is probably screaming something along the lines of, “CAN’T YOU FUCKING EVER LEAVE ANYTHING ALONE,” to which Kaner is like, “FUCK YOU, CAN’T YOU? NOBODY’S GOING TO GIVE YOU A FUCKING MEDAL FOR YELLING AT YOURSELF ALL THE TIME, FUCKING GET OVER IT.”
And they scream at each other until their voices are raw and rasping, and when they can’t scream anymore they start kissing, all teeth and aggression, Tazer shoving Kaner against the wall and Kaner biting Tazer’s lip until it bleeds, and at some point Kaner’s feet just leave the ground but it doesn’t even matter because between Tazer’s hands and the hard line of Tazer’s hips pressing him back into the wall, it’s not like he’s going anywhere. He wraps his legs around Tazer anyway, just because he can.
...He may or may not also kick the backs of Tazer’s legs so that the two of them collapse to the floor in a heap, and it reverberates through a bruise he has on his tailbone but it’s all worth it just to see Tazer growl and pin him against the carpet.
So basically they just have a ton of really angry sex all over the apartment, wall to floor to couch to Tazer pressing Kaner’s wrists down against the bed and Kaner arching up to bite Tazer’s shoulder, sharp and messy. (Kaner may cry at one point. It’s pretty awesome.) Eventually they fall asleep tangled up together, covered in bruises that are just beginning to bloom. When they wake up, they just reach for whatever shirts are close at hand and look at each other, all, “Okay, so we didn’t get it this year, and that sucks, but we’re going to fucking CRUSH everyone next year.” And then they head off for their exit interviews.
Although to be fair, Kaner still sounds sort of depressed during his exit interview, so... Maybe he’s just really distracted the whole time by the fact that he’s wearing Tazer’s shirt, or fucking Tazer’s angst out of him didn’t really work both ways and so Tazer needs to get on that later. (Um. Get on that, literally. Pun?) Or else he thinks that Tazer thought it was just a cheering-up, one-time thing, and so he’s upset, and they have a few days worth of confused miscommunication before they finally get it straightened out and have a lot more sex.
And holy crap, this got a lot longer and a little bit dirtier than I was really intending it to be. Um. Also a little bit more depressing, I guess? But yeah, that’s pretty much what I’ve been imagining.
So, uh. I have not!fic about a win and not!fic about a loss, both Kaner/Tazer. Man, sometimes I judge myself.
You know, I am pretty sure this win calls for fic involving celebratory blowjobs. A fic which I am totally not writing, mind you, but someone really should get on that. Multiple people, even. There could be one fic where Tazer and Kaner have this long-standing points system where goals=sex, with the act changing depending on the relative importance of the goal.
(And, occasionally, the way the goal was scored; any time Kaner pulls off one of those super-ridiculous-yet-glorious goals of his, he gets tied up and fucked for pretty much hours, because Tazer says that if he has the patience to fool around with fancy stick-handling, then he has the patience to deal with not getting to come until Tazer lets him. Which is basically the best we're-totally-not-admitting-this-is-positive-reinforcement ever, and Tazer doesn't even mind that they're not playing by the rules of their points system.)
So this goal happens, and not only is it an OT, game-winning goal, but it also keeps them in the playoffs, which means that Tazer gets pretty much whatever he wants. Which probably means not only celebratory blowjobs, but Kaner having to actually have a healthy breakfast the next morning instead of bacon or something, because Johnny is an awful person like that.
BUT there could also be fic about how they have all been skating around all night with their hearts clenching, and then when Tazer scored that goal it felt like being the best kind of adrenaline, like getting punched in the face by endorphins, and so when they're all in the locker room Kaner just looks at Johnny, sweaty and gross and half-out of his pads, and some part of him feels like this should not be attractive but the rest of him is too busy trying to keep him from dropping to his knees in front of Tazer right there in the locker room, in front of all the guys, right next to a roomful of reporters and everything. And when Johnny looks up and meets his eyes it's like he knows, like he can see every single dirty thought that Kaner is having, and his eyes darken and he maybe gets out of his gear a little quicker but other than that he doesn't change his routine, still talks to the press and showers instead of just grabbing Patrick and leaving, and so Patrick has to wait too, has to wash up and get dressed and say incredibly dumb things to other people because his brain is actually not working right now.
And so he gets in his own car, because Johnny doesn't believe in roadhead, and the entire time he’s practically jumping out of his own skin, his heart pounding from the win and from the way Tazer looked after, that same look of satisfaction he sometimes gets when he’s fucking Kaner, which should not actually be as hot as it is. But he somehow gets to Tazer’s place without crashing his car, and he lets himself through the door (Tazer can say whatever he wants about how he needed to have a key to Kaner’s place to make sure he wasn’t doing anything stupid, and how giving Kaner a key to Tazer’s place was just fair turnabout; Kaner knows that it’s exactly for times like this, when neither of them want to have to wait for Tazer to answer the door) and then Tazer is on him so quickly that Kaner has no time to wonder how the hell Tazer made it here before he did.
And yeah, the making out against the door is good, is great, Kaner is all about making out against the door, but he kind of came here with a goal in mind. Johnny should appreciate that. Johnny is all about goal-focused behavior, which is why Kaner takes advantage of their pause for breathing in order to spin Tazer around. Tazer’s going to need something to lean against, okay; Kaner is just that awesome.
Kaner’s knees reacquaint themselves with the floor, and he says, “You should have just taken your pants off when you got in the door,” as he unzips Tazer’s jeans. “Saved me the trouble.”
“Shut up,” Tazer says, and Kaner can’t really see any good reason not to.
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(And then I got scolded for not providing more porn. ♥)
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Oh my god, those interviews. I hate their faces SO MUCH. (And by hate, I mean I hate the fact that I could stare at their faces pretty much forever, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.) But here is my theory: After the game Kaner and Tazer pretty much let themselves wallow in their misery for a while, which for Kaner means drinking as much as Tazer would let him and for Tazer means spending a while just internally replaying everything that went wrong and trying to figure out if he could have changed anything. (Kaner cries. It’s pretty awful.) And this sort of goes on for a while until Kaner pretty much decides that fuck it, they’ve spent enough time feeling shitty, and he’s sick of seeing Tazer beating himself up. All this Canadian guilt can’t be healthy. So he essentially just razzes Tazer into snapping, which is tricky because Tazer totally knows what he’s doing. Tazer is wise to the ways of the Kaner, and when he’s moping sometimes it’s harder to get him to actually react the way Kaner wants him to. But Kaner hasn’t known Tazer this long without learning where his buttons are and how to push them; knowing the ins and outs of aggravating each other is one of the fundamental tenets of their relationship, and right now Tazer is managing to aggravate Kaner by being a moping asshole, which means it’s Kaner’s turn to return the favor. So he manages it, burns off Tazer’s melancholy outer layer until the banked rage underneath, which has so far all been turned inward, comes out, and he pretty much just picks Kaner up and manhandles him up against the wall. Kaner is very much okay with this, even if they’re still yelling at each other; Tazer is probably screaming something along the lines of, “CAN’T YOU FUCKING EVER LEAVE ANYTHING ALONE,” to which Kaner is like, “FUCK YOU, CAN’T YOU? NOBODY’S GOING TO GIVE YOU A FUCKING MEDAL FOR YELLING AT YOURSELF ALL THE TIME, FUCKING GET OVER IT.”
And they scream at each other until their voices are raw and rasping, and when they can’t scream anymore they start kissing, all teeth and aggression, Tazer shoving Kaner against the wall and Kaner biting Tazer’s lip until it bleeds, and at some point Kaner’s feet just leave the ground but it doesn’t even matter because between Tazer’s hands and the hard line of Tazer’s hips pressing him back into the wall, it’s not like he’s going anywhere. He wraps his legs around Tazer anyway, just because he can.
...He may or may not also kick the backs of Tazer’s legs so that the two of them collapse to the floor in a heap, and it reverberates through a bruise he has on his tailbone but it’s all worth it just to see Tazer growl and pin him against the carpet.
So basically they just have a ton of really angry sex all over the apartment, wall to floor to couch to Tazer pressing Kaner’s wrists down against the bed and Kaner arching up to bite Tazer’s shoulder, sharp and messy. (Kaner may cry at one point. It’s pretty awesome.) Eventually they fall asleep tangled up together, covered in bruises that are just beginning to bloom. When they wake up, they just reach for whatever shirts are close at hand and look at each other, all, “Okay, so we didn’t get it this year, and that sucks, but we’re going to fucking CRUSH everyone next year.” And then they head off for their exit interviews.
Although to be fair, Kaner still sounds sort of depressed during his exit interview, so... Maybe he’s just really distracted the whole time by the fact that he’s wearing Tazer’s shirt, or fucking Tazer’s angst out of him didn’t really work both ways and so Tazer needs to get on that later. (Um. Get on that, literally. Pun?) Or else he thinks that Tazer thought it was just a cheering-up, one-time thing, and so he’s upset, and they have a few days worth of confused miscommunication before they finally get it straightened out and have a lot more sex.
And holy crap, this got a lot longer and a little bit dirtier than I was really intending it to be. Um. Also a little bit more depressing, I guess? But yeah, that’s pretty much what I’ve been imagining.