(no subject)
So basically the latest fics that I've written (and "finished") are a tiny Glee AU where Kurt and Mercedes own a cake decorating store à la Ace Of Cakes, for an RL friend of mine (well, she's in fandom, obviously, but I met her in RL first) who bugs me about actually writing the random snippets I like to text her at random during the day, and then this ridiculous Kane/Toews notfic that's barely anything at all and that I dumped anonymously in a tumblr askbox. BECAUSE I AM THE CLASSIEST. Also because things are more fun when they're anon.
I... don't even know what to do with myself? And I have a feeling that somewhere out there, hapakitsune is weeping bitter, bitter tears of "JUST WRITE SOME FREAKING TSN FIC ALREADY" frustration.
I mean, I've worked a little bit on robot!Mark, but it doesn't really have a plot and I'm wondering if it's getting boring, and I occasionally go back to the pretentious Avengers fic, but I have to be in a properly pretentious mood for that so I can make sure my sentences are pretentious enough while still, you know, sort of making sense. A little bit. Or at the very least, not being repetitively pretentious in any way that isn't purposeful.
(Also apparently my school expects me to decide on my classes for next year? And I'm just like, "AHAHAHA I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE EXPECTING ME TO THINK ABOUT NEXT YEAR WHEN I AM STILL DROWNING IN THIS YEAR'S WORKLOAD." College is awesome, you guys.)
Anyway, I am going to try to be a little less of a fic failure this year than I was last year, but for now I'm just going to post the hockey!rpf Fic That Wasn't. Because seriously, you guys, this is barely a fic. It's only tenuously holding on to the vaguest ficcish tendencies.
So basically, queeniegalore, whose tumblr it was, had posted some photos of Ryan Kesler from a photoshoot where he was only wearing boxers, and she was lamenting the fact that Toews had not seen fit to do a similar shoot.
To which I, the helpful anon, replied:
I was going to start suggesting an AU where Tazer is an underwear model (that way, if he ever starts looking too awkward during a shoot, they can just do one of those frames where they only show his body and not his face) and Kaner's a photographer or something (he would have this sleazy-but-only-for-show thing going on, it would be great), but I just get too depressed at the thought of them not playing hockey. It's the one thing in their lives that they're good at and I'm taking it away?
So instead I decided that there should be a fic where Tazer has to do one of those mostly-unclothed photoshoots, as part of a "Hey, some of our fans are apparently actually attracted to these guys!" sort of thing, but somebody thinks that it would be a good idea to ask Kaner to come to the shoot, in order to keep Toews looking human and not like a well-muscled mostly-naked robot. Nobody asked Tazer about this, obviously, or he would have told them what an awful, horrible idea it was.
And so the entire photoshoot is just Kaner heckling Toews about everything under the sun, and Tazer either standing there looking pissed or yelling back and calling Kaner a failure, which pretty much IS Tazer at his most relaxed, so at least it worked on that level. The problem is just that most of the film is split between Tazer looking aggrieved, Tazer yelling, or Tazer looking fond, which is not so much what the directors were hoping for.
(Kaner could have told them that Toews doesn't do the smoldering thing on purpose, it just sort of happens when he's not paying attention, but nobody asked Kaner.) And that's not even counting what happens when the directors/photographers break to decide what to do, and some enterprising assistant decides to keep snapping photos of Tazer and Kaner while they're just standing around, getting in a shoving match and calling each other failures. You know, as you do.
So they eventually decide to tell Patrick that he can leave, they only have a few more to finish up, and he's like, "Okay, whatever. Text me when you're done, asshole, we're going out tonight," which really means that they'll end up drinking beer and playing video games in Tazer's living room, but whatever. The problem is that after he leaves, Tazer actually does turn into a giant robot of failure, so they finish up pretty quickly and just decide to look over what they have already.
[...Okay, Tumblr actually made me stop posting things in your askbox, wow. I apologize for spamming you!] ANYWAY, long story short (ha), the photographers find the most usable shots - a couple of the robots, a few of the irritated/fond ones, and this one really nice one that none of them can really remember taking, where Toews is looking away, solemn but a little smirky, until they ask the assistant and she's like, "Uh, I'm pretty sure that's the one I took when Kane was walking away."
Romantic? Or just Tazer watching Kaner's ass as he walks away? YOUR CHOICE.
Later, this happened:
Anonymous asked: Ahahaha, I am glad to hear that you do not actually think I'm crazy for spamming you with about 5 million Asks-worth of notfic about hockey players in their underwear.
OF COURSE I LOVE IT THIS IS SO GREAT. SO GREAT.
Things that are great: Tazer in his underwear, JUST FOR A START; Kaner coming along for moral support/mocking opportunities. HE WOULD. He would spend the entire time whining about why no one wants HIM in his underwear (I WANT THAT KANER); Tazer being basically horrible in every way, but even worse/much better when Kaner’s there to give him shit; AWW ROMANCE, ROMAAAANCE IN THE END HE JUST LOVES KANER SO MUCH OKAY, THE CAMERA NEVER LIES~~~~
You should just do this all of the time, okay? For me? Yes. Thank you. Great.
You’re the best <3
Feel free to mock me as you will.
I... don't even know what to do with myself? And I have a feeling that somewhere out there, hapakitsune is weeping bitter, bitter tears of "JUST WRITE SOME FREAKING TSN FIC ALREADY" frustration.
I mean, I've worked a little bit on robot!Mark, but it doesn't really have a plot and I'm wondering if it's getting boring, and I occasionally go back to the pretentious Avengers fic, but I have to be in a properly pretentious mood for that so I can make sure my sentences are pretentious enough while still, you know, sort of making sense. A little bit. Or at the very least, not being repetitively pretentious in any way that isn't purposeful.
(Also apparently my school expects me to decide on my classes for next year? And I'm just like, "AHAHAHA I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE EXPECTING ME TO THINK ABOUT NEXT YEAR WHEN I AM STILL DROWNING IN THIS YEAR'S WORKLOAD." College is awesome, you guys.)
Anyway, I am going to try to be a little less of a fic failure this year than I was last year, but for now I'm just going to post the hockey!rpf Fic That Wasn't. Because seriously, you guys, this is barely a fic. It's only tenuously holding on to the vaguest ficcish tendencies.
So basically, queeniegalore, whose tumblr it was, had posted some photos of Ryan Kesler from a photoshoot where he was only wearing boxers, and she was lamenting the fact that Toews had not seen fit to do a similar shoot.
To which I, the helpful anon, replied:
I was going to start suggesting an AU where Tazer is an underwear model (that way, if he ever starts looking too awkward during a shoot, they can just do one of those frames where they only show his body and not his face) and Kaner's a photographer or something (he would have this sleazy-but-only-for-show thing going on, it would be great), but I just get too depressed at the thought of them not playing hockey. It's the one thing in their lives that they're good at and I'm taking it away?
So instead I decided that there should be a fic where Tazer has to do one of those mostly-unclothed photoshoots, as part of a "Hey, some of our fans are apparently actually attracted to these guys!" sort of thing, but somebody thinks that it would be a good idea to ask Kaner to come to the shoot, in order to keep Toews looking human and not like a well-muscled mostly-naked robot. Nobody asked Tazer about this, obviously, or he would have told them what an awful, horrible idea it was.
And so the entire photoshoot is just Kaner heckling Toews about everything under the sun, and Tazer either standing there looking pissed or yelling back and calling Kaner a failure, which pretty much IS Tazer at his most relaxed, so at least it worked on that level. The problem is just that most of the film is split between Tazer looking aggrieved, Tazer yelling, or Tazer looking fond, which is not so much what the directors were hoping for.
(Kaner could have told them that Toews doesn't do the smoldering thing on purpose, it just sort of happens when he's not paying attention, but nobody asked Kaner.) And that's not even counting what happens when the directors/photographers break to decide what to do, and some enterprising assistant decides to keep snapping photos of Tazer and Kaner while they're just standing around, getting in a shoving match and calling each other failures. You know, as you do.
So they eventually decide to tell Patrick that he can leave, they only have a few more to finish up, and he's like, "Okay, whatever. Text me when you're done, asshole, we're going out tonight," which really means that they'll end up drinking beer and playing video games in Tazer's living room, but whatever. The problem is that after he leaves, Tazer actually does turn into a giant robot of failure, so they finish up pretty quickly and just decide to look over what they have already.
[...Okay, Tumblr actually made me stop posting things in your askbox, wow. I apologize for spamming you!] ANYWAY, long story short (ha), the photographers find the most usable shots - a couple of the robots, a few of the irritated/fond ones, and this one really nice one that none of them can really remember taking, where Toews is looking away, solemn but a little smirky, until they ask the assistant and she's like, "Uh, I'm pretty sure that's the one I took when Kane was walking away."
Romantic? Or just Tazer watching Kaner's ass as he walks away? YOUR CHOICE.
Later, this happened:
Anonymous asked: Ahahaha, I am glad to hear that you do not actually think I'm crazy for spamming you with about 5 million Asks-worth of notfic about hockey players in their underwear.
OF COURSE I LOVE IT THIS IS SO GREAT. SO GREAT.
Things that are great: Tazer in his underwear, JUST FOR A START; Kaner coming along for moral support/mocking opportunities. HE WOULD. He would spend the entire time whining about why no one wants HIM in his underwear (I WANT THAT KANER); Tazer being basically horrible in every way, but even worse/much better when Kaner’s there to give him shit; AWW ROMANCE, ROMAAAANCE IN THE END HE JUST LOVES KANER SO MUCH OKAY, THE CAMERA NEVER LIES~~~~
You should just do this all of the time, okay? For me? Yes. Thank you. Great.
You’re the best <3
Feel free to mock me as you will.