hahahahahahaha
i'm probably the funniest pregnant chick in the world. so much irony stems from a situation like this, and so many laughs would be wasted if we didn't relish in it.
when first announcing that i was probably with child, my best friend worried for me and hugged me a lot. to console us i said "life goes on."
last night, hanging out and drinking, we were designing shirts in our heads. i want one that has just a wire coat-hanger on the front. on the back it's all unwound and dripping. best friend suggested that the word "placenta" be written also dripping from the coat hanger. we're terrible.
last night while at some dumb party, i was protecting a 12-pack from hoards of highschool kids. i held it behind me and then put it on the floor. because i was wearing a skirt, someone exclaimed that it looked like i just gave birth. i replied "haha i could." a friend laughed and we did the 'whoosh' over-my-head hand/arm motion.
driving today i was thinking about what to get the boy for fathers' day, because damn that's a good idea. i should obviously get him a box of condoms, wrapped in something awkward... such as "it's a boy!" paper or the instructions from the pregnancy tests.
if i had known that i was pregnant on mothers' day, i would have asked for a t-shirt that says "baby on board." then afterward i would get a 'no' symbol on it, like "no smoking" but instead "no baby on board."
my best friend now calls me "mama" and randomly punches me in the stomach when i'm not paying attention. we know that this does not affect the fetus*, but it's still funny to see.
i name my pimples after people who stress me out at their time of creation, so i named my fetus Stewart. i think it's a dumb name in the first place, and this really obnoxious guy who came into my work is also named Stewart. he has the email addresses stewdio54@domain.com and stewdious@domain.com.
* Accidents typically do not cause a miscarriage. The baby is well protected in its amniotic sac, surrounded by fluid, and even a hard blow to the abdomen will likely only rock it. Most women who have a car accident, even with a certain amount of trauma, have their babies just fine.
when first announcing that i was probably with child, my best friend worried for me and hugged me a lot. to console us i said "life goes on."
last night, hanging out and drinking, we were designing shirts in our heads. i want one that has just a wire coat-hanger on the front. on the back it's all unwound and dripping. best friend suggested that the word "placenta" be written also dripping from the coat hanger. we're terrible.
last night while at some dumb party, i was protecting a 12-pack from hoards of highschool kids. i held it behind me and then put it on the floor. because i was wearing a skirt, someone exclaimed that it looked like i just gave birth. i replied "haha i could." a friend laughed and we did the 'whoosh' over-my-head hand/arm motion.
driving today i was thinking about what to get the boy for fathers' day, because damn that's a good idea. i should obviously get him a box of condoms, wrapped in something awkward... such as "it's a boy!" paper or the instructions from the pregnancy tests.
if i had known that i was pregnant on mothers' day, i would have asked for a t-shirt that says "baby on board." then afterward i would get a 'no' symbol on it, like "no smoking" but instead "no baby on board."
my best friend now calls me "mama" and randomly punches me in the stomach when i'm not paying attention. we know that this does not affect the fetus*, but it's still funny to see.
i name my pimples after people who stress me out at their time of creation, so i named my fetus Stewart. i think it's a dumb name in the first place, and this really obnoxious guy who came into my work is also named Stewart. he has the email addresses stewdio54@domain.com and stewdious@domain.com.
* Accidents typically do not cause a miscarriage. The baby is well protected in its amniotic sac, surrounded by fluid, and even a hard blow to the abdomen will likely only rock it. Most women who have a car accident, even with a certain amount of trauma, have their babies just fine.