haters

[formerfetus]

GangStarr - Moment of Truth
Nobody's invincible no plan is foolproof
We all must meet our moment of truth
It's universal, you play with fire it may hurt you
or burn you, lessons are blessings you should learn through
But just as you'll receive what is comin to you
Everybody else is gonna get theirs too
Actions have reactions, don't be quick to judge
You may not know the harships people don't speak of
It's best to step back, and observe with couth
For we all must meet our moment of truth
Sometimes you gotta dig deep, when problems come near
Don't fear things get severe for everybody everywhere
Why do bad things happen, to good people?
Seems that life is just a constant war between good and evil
The situation that I'm facin, is mad amazin
to think such problems can arise from minor confrontations
Now I'm contemplatin in my bedroom pacin
Dark clouds over my head, my heart's racin
But wait, I've been through a whole lot of other shit, before
So I oughta be able, to withstand some more
But I'm sweatin though, my eyes are turnin red and yo
I'm ready to lose my mind but instead I use my mind
My only crime, was that I'm too damn kind
So like they say, every dog has it's day
And like they say, God works in a mysterious way
So I pray, remembering the days of my youth
As I prepare to meet my moment of truth
"You should know the truth
And the truth shall set you free"

i think most people live their lives like rabbits or other animals, insects even, without being conscious of their

• your consciousness of your own identity
• The Self is a key construct in several schools of Psychology. Usages differ between theorists and fields of study, but in general the self refers to the conscious, reflective personality of an individual. The study of the self involves significant methodological problems, especially concerning consciousness. Some of these are taken up in philosophy of mind and metaphysics.
• The concept of self in the context of philosophy is the idea of one's consciousness of one's own being or identity, the essential qualities distinguishing oneself from others, and/or one's
  sense of individuality.
• with a capital 'S' is reference to one's entirety of person, the spirit and soul, if you will.
• Philosophically stated, self is the ego, often identified with the soul or mind as opposed to the body; a permanent subject of successive and varying states of consciousness; what one is at a particular time or in a particular aspect or relation, one’s nature, character, or sometimes physical constitution or appearance, considered as different at different times. We psychologically define self as an assemblage of characteristics and dispositions that we may conceive as constituting one of various conflicting personalities within a human being.

they go day to day, acting on both natural and learned instincts and never asking 'why?!' they're afraid of water, they like fart jokes, and they oppose abortion - and they never are curious enough to know where these thoughts and 'feelings' originated. they think it's 'just how they are' or that they believe these complete and total opinions to be facts.

i know why i am having an abortion (besides the reasons that are directly relating to me today)...

• when i was in seventh grade i had to do a social studies report on a famous person. my mother suggested that i choose Margaret Sanger. because she is my mother, and because i was twelve, and because she suggested Margaret Sanger over Jesus, i am more susceptible to have an abortion than keep my child.
• when i was in eighth grade i had to do another social studies project on a current event. i chose an article in Seventeen magazine about female genital mutilation, without any influence from my mother. i disgusted every soul in the room (all of the thirteen-year-olds and the teacher) with the reality of my presentation. i developed a great appreciation for a woman's (and man's) rights to their own body, regardless of tradition and idealism and opinion.
• i volunteered at planned parenthood for eight months when i was seventeen years old. i am very good at identifying propaganda and found only about six percent within this organization. all religious or pro-life influence that has been pushed on me in my short nineteen years of life has been identified by my consciousness as 100% complete propaganda.
• "If God gives life to humans as a gift, then to deny this gift is a sin." or some bullshit. the If of a hypothesis must be true to validate the Then. the legitimacy of the If is also simply opinion. and then on top of that you must believe that sins even exist or affect you in any way. yeah. i'm an athiest.
• in my mother's first marriage (i am a product of her second and current) she had two sons. one is all grown up and has two daughters, the other died when he was eighteen months old for unknown reasons. the depression that resulted from this incident is directly related to why that marriage 'failed.' i can't exactly pinpoint how this relates to my abortion, but i know that it has to because i've been thinking about it every day. i'll analyze my Self some more and come up with an answer someday, i'm sure.
• a very good friend of mine growing up was adopted. his father was a crack addict - still is - and his mother is a bitch and poor mother for her own reasons, mostly because she doesn't completely love and appreciate her son as (and for who) he IS. he was abused greatly as a child emotionally, psychologically and physically. i would never ever ever want to subject a child to this possibility or pain.
• i worked at a restaurant and the owners, a husband and wife, were very involved in a group for women who had grown up in foster care and were abandoned by the 'system' the day they turned eighteen. most of the girls worked for the restaurant or the wife's jewelry business and had children of their own. one girl suffered from a severe case of neglect. she had a son who then suffered from the same syndrome. when i left the restaurant, she had just had her second son who most likely now suffers from the same problem. they will probably abuse their girlfriends, if they even survive from their physical disabilities, and wives and children - because they surely will have them. and they will have them young.

because i'm sure everyone has lost interest or fallen asleep by this point in the post, i will conclude.

to summarize: if you're going to flame in this journal, you obviously are too closed minded to even survive in a friendship with me in the first place. i am solid in what i believe and it will only frustrate you to read this journal. please take yourselves elsewhere.

to everyone who has shown support: thank you very very much. i appreciate your understanding, especially from those of you that don't agree with my decision. that is very mature of you to understand that people are different and what is right for some is not always right for others; that people have different up-bringings and situations and opinions. thank you all. <3

i wanted to end this post with some sweet hip-hop lyrics. try the ones that started it.