(no subject)
because you asked..
i have been doing fine and well. actually, currently, i am writing you from an internet cafe in queens, vacationing from florida since christmas. i return home tomorrow and then head out to los angeles for three weeks. then i think i'm going to live on a ship and sail around the east coast of the US.
physically, i've been well. mentally, getting there.
the abortion was terrible to "get over." i had a lot of problems accepting who i was/am afterward, you know, after my pain killer prescription ran out. i was briefly sleeping around again, and then was single for a couple months. now i'm single again, getting back into accepting that and loving myself solo. dating is a nice distraction from your own brain, but ultimately ends because nobody is on the same journey as me.
the whole problem with the abortion, though, wasn't anything moral or ethical, it was just because i had been so judgmental of women who had abortions. not that they are bad people or anything of that nature, just because it's so easily preventable and irresponsible to put yourself in such a position. that was very hard to get over, and i already knew that i was an irresponsible person. i just wasn't taking care of myself at that time, and now i know that i'm all that i've got, and that i'm the most important person in my life - not in an arrogant way at all, just in a form of self-preservation. i'm the only person who has to live with my brain and up to my standards. i'm the only person who can make me happy, and i'm the only person that i can make happy... see this bukowski poem. it's a bit overwhelming to try to give you a one-sided perspective of the situation, i'm trying to guess what assumptions you would make and questions you would ask, so i'll just end that here. i'm loving myself and trying to figure out life. i've been signing my letters "love and laughs" from the atmosphere lyrics "all i'm living for is love and laughs." and i don't mean romantic love either. i have no idea what that even is at this point in my life. so moving on.
the boy is now dating his exgirlfriend, the only other person he's had sex with (well, at my time anyway) and the other person who has had one of his abortions. he still hasn't paid me, and with all of this traveling and no working, i could use two hundred dollars desperately. i was giving him a lot of slack because his band was touring and he was in between homes and jobs for a bit. now, however, he's waiting tables (in season in FL, meaning he's making a lot of money) and getting tattoos. so i'm collecting my keep. trying, anyway. hopefully my week in florida will end that conversation forever.
i hope you all are doing well. i'm still around, will be forever, so let me know if you need any help or support of any kind. i'm here. you aren't alone, even though i feel like i am.
i have been doing fine and well. actually, currently, i am writing you from an internet cafe in queens, vacationing from florida since christmas. i return home tomorrow and then head out to los angeles for three weeks. then i think i'm going to live on a ship and sail around the east coast of the US.
physically, i've been well. mentally, getting there.
the abortion was terrible to "get over." i had a lot of problems accepting who i was/am afterward, you know, after my pain killer prescription ran out. i was briefly sleeping around again, and then was single for a couple months. now i'm single again, getting back into accepting that and loving myself solo. dating is a nice distraction from your own brain, but ultimately ends because nobody is on the same journey as me.
the whole problem with the abortion, though, wasn't anything moral or ethical, it was just because i had been so judgmental of women who had abortions. not that they are bad people or anything of that nature, just because it's so easily preventable and irresponsible to put yourself in such a position. that was very hard to get over, and i already knew that i was an irresponsible person. i just wasn't taking care of myself at that time, and now i know that i'm all that i've got, and that i'm the most important person in my life - not in an arrogant way at all, just in a form of self-preservation. i'm the only person who has to live with my brain and up to my standards. i'm the only person who can make me happy, and i'm the only person that i can make happy... see this bukowski poem. it's a bit overwhelming to try to give you a one-sided perspective of the situation, i'm trying to guess what assumptions you would make and questions you would ask, so i'll just end that here. i'm loving myself and trying to figure out life. i've been signing my letters "love and laughs" from the atmosphere lyrics "all i'm living for is love and laughs." and i don't mean romantic love either. i have no idea what that even is at this point in my life. so moving on.
the boy is now dating his exgirlfriend, the only other person he's had sex with (well, at my time anyway) and the other person who has had one of his abortions. he still hasn't paid me, and with all of this traveling and no working, i could use two hundred dollars desperately. i was giving him a lot of slack because his band was touring and he was in between homes and jobs for a bit. now, however, he's waiting tables (in season in FL, meaning he's making a lot of money) and getting tattoos. so i'm collecting my keep. trying, anyway. hopefully my week in florida will end that conversation forever.
i hope you all are doing well. i'm still around, will be forever, so let me know if you need any help or support of any kind. i'm here. you aren't alone, even though i feel like i am.