"Cartman either ends up extremely successful or a bum living on Liane’s couch."
Can we stop for a minute and talk about the possibilities in Cartman's future? because i share the same headcanon. First, Cartman has all the capabilities to become a successful businessman, or as I like to think, corrupt lawyer, because that would let him lie and make money based on his insane obstinacy of being right, even for the worst reasons. However, all the the small moments in which Cartman reaches success on the show end up kicking his own ass, and I think the same would happen to his successful career in a short period of time.(Still, the idea of Cartman being that typical old bastard in a high position who takes advantage of others, lies for money and abuses of his power whenever he can is something that stays near to my heart. It's like Cartman on the top of his assholeness.) As I said, at some point in his life Cartman loses all that, then locks himself in his room and refuses to leave his mother's house, devoting entirely to write homoerotic novels for the rest of his life. After a few years, he publishes his first book and starts sending letters to Kenny, who also writes romance novels in jail.
Kyle is addicted to buying these hats but he doesn't realize they look like dicks. Everyone keeps the secret and Stan is too embarrassed to tell him the truth. Butters is the most heterosexual man in pink shorts in the whole town, and when nobody expects it he marries an old woman. Cartman is so amazed by the boring sexual life of his friend he decides to write a new book: Leopold and Sexuality.
hahaaaa, well, you know, I've never written Stan/Kyle wedding fic? And a humor fic with drunken speeches would be the only approach, really. Because Kyle could rage and cry and Stan would pat him reassuringly/gently fuck him in a back room until he calms down about this dick hat he's been wearing all these years.
One day Stan and Kyle are walking to the library and suddenly Kyle asks Stan "Do you think i look gay?" Stan cannot contain a giggle but doesn't say anything. Kyle sighs irritated, not understanding the situation and walks away, swaying his dick-hat.
The book is published and a few days later Butters' wife dies and he recives all her inheritance. He becomes a millionaire, leaves South Park and starts dating a cuban transvestite.
The book is published and a few days later Butters' wife dies and he recives all her inheritance. He becomes a millionaire, leaves South Park and starts dating a cuban transvestite.
Yes to: Cartman potentially being a very successful, unscrupulous lawyer, reaching a height of achievement at an early age that makes him naive re:/vulnerable to his own shortcomings, falling from grace and sequestering himself in the dark of Liane's basement with lots of snack cakes, writing homoerotic novels that are thinly veiled attempts to imagine the sex life of Stan/Kyle and which inevitably end in tragedy for Stan, the Kyle character seeking refuge in his childhood enemy's arms, and Kenny being in jail and writing much more literary erotica, happily.
I'm gonna go with the Sims Love Bed, in a Cartman/Butters verse, they'd both be into it.
I like to imagine that Cartman builds himself a tiny Colorado drug empire and acts like some Tony Montana-style bigshot for a couple of years before it all comes crashing down. He manages to spend a reduced sentence in a minimum security prison because he has no qualms about diming out everybody who was even slightly complicit and a few who weren't. Then he spends the rest of his life in his mom's basement. He buries her in the backyard when she eventually dies so he can keep collecting her social security checks.
I'm totally into this scenario. Cartman-centered fics where he becomes hugely successful at whatever scheme he's playing don't bother me if it's comedy/tongue in cheek, but in the dramatic ones I always long to see his downfall.
omg at him burying her in the backyard aosdifjdoi - he wouldn't even consider this cruel, just practical.
Can we stop for a minute and talk about the possibilities in Cartman's future? because i share the same headcanon.
First, Cartman has all the capabilities to become a successful businessman, or as I like to think, corrupt lawyer, because that would let him lie and make money based on his insane obstinacy of being right, even for the worst reasons. However, all the the small moments in which Cartman reaches success on the show end up kicking his own ass, and I think the same would happen to his successful career in a short period of time.(Still, the idea of Cartman being that typical old bastard in a high position who takes advantage of others, lies for money and abuses of his power whenever he can is something that stays near to my heart. It's like Cartman on the top of his assholeness.)
As I said, at some point in his life Cartman loses all that, then locks himself in his room and refuses to leave his mother's house, devoting entirely to write homoerotic novels for the rest of his life. After a few years, he publishes his first book and starts sending letters to Kenny, who also writes romance novels in jail.
Oh! i also have some headcanons for Butters' bed. these ones are my favorites: 1 2 and we cannot forget about sims love bed!!
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Butters is the most heterosexual man in pink shorts in the whole town, and when nobody expects it he marries an old woman. Cartman is so amazed by the boring sexual life of his friend he decides to write a new book: Leopold and Sexuality.
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Cartman's drunken speech at the Stan/Kyle wedding <3
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The book is published and a few days later Butters' wife dies and he recives all her inheritance. He becomes a millionaire, leaves South Park and starts dating a cuban transvestite.
omg yes Cartman drunken speech <3<3
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<3 <3 <3
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I'm gonna go with the Sims Love Bed, in a Cartman/Butters verse, they'd both be into it.
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omg at him burying her in the backyard aosdifjdoi - he wouldn't even consider this cruel, just practical.
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