Realizations before a battle. From thepowerplayers
This was vulnerability. I did not like this feeling. I could recall flashes, where at different points, the Burkle girl felt these emotions, but for me, they were a stain. They were a stain that crept into every fiber of my being, letting it be known to all who saw me that the great Illyria could be so devastatingly humiliated by another being. Adding to that level of embarrassment, was the simple and irreplacable fact that with Angel’s plan of attack only minutes away, that I would have to fight with these visible and painful wounds.
I did what was not in my nature, but that I recalled from my memories that Fred had experienced. I asked Wesley for help, and to my surprise, my utter surprise, he was more then willing to help me, to give me comfort with these wounds. I would not have asked anyone else. For the past two weeks, since I had taken on the Burkle persona so that her parents would not believe her to be dead, so that her parent’s would not believe that she had been encompassed by the greatness that was me, Wesley had been unwilling to talk to me. He had ceased intercourse with me. He showed disdain at the sight of me and it made me want to cripple him with pain and punish him for his impunity, but this was Wesley and I could not hurt him. I found it strange that I could not hurt him, but it was starting to make a modicum of sense to me, now.
The World was still strange and too closed off for my greatness, but an understanding of why I was so unlimited when it came to Wesley started to come to pass. It was her affection for him. The same could be said for Charles Gunn. Fred had experienced affection for him at one point, and I would no sooner hit him then myself, and it had nothing to do with the fact that he had been the one responsible for bringing me to this world and out of the deeper well. I had no problem in hitting Spike, or Angel, or anyone else. Fred did not have great affection for the two vampires. She liked them. I knew that much instantaneously, but she did not love them. With Gunn and Wesley, that was not true.
These emotions had been playing on my mind since I started to understand them with greater measure. Love was something that we would squash in my day. It was no different then thirst or hunger, but being that I was now in these times, I deeply wished to explore love and sexual prowess. I knew Fred’s memories and could feel her pleasure at Gunn thrusting in and out of her, but she had never experienced such pleasure with Wesley, and it was a tragedy to her. She had wanted him, and now, I wanted him.
Wesley was the one to be my guide here, and I wanted so much more then just that, which was difficult if not impossible to accomplish with him ignoring me. Now, he was not ignoring me. Now, at his home, where the walls were still very closed, he was placing an ointment that burned to the touch, both on my face and on my neck. It burned, but eventually soothed. He then opened my top and a warm feeling encompassed me. Was this passion? If it was, other then my injuries which stung, it felt amazing, as he applied the ointment to the strange discolorations on my abdomen.
When he was finished, I looked at him. “Will these medicinal treatments make me feel well enough to kill this devil and come back and help punish Hamilton for doing this to me, later, when Angel phones us?”
[Wesley]
I did what was not in my nature, but that I recalled from my memories that Fred had experienced. I asked Wesley for help, and to my surprise, my utter surprise, he was more then willing to help me, to give me comfort with these wounds. I would not have asked anyone else. For the past two weeks, since I had taken on the Burkle persona so that her parents would not believe her to be dead, so that her parent’s would not believe that she had been encompassed by the greatness that was me, Wesley had been unwilling to talk to me. He had ceased intercourse with me. He showed disdain at the sight of me and it made me want to cripple him with pain and punish him for his impunity, but this was Wesley and I could not hurt him. I found it strange that I could not hurt him, but it was starting to make a modicum of sense to me, now.
The World was still strange and too closed off for my greatness, but an understanding of why I was so unlimited when it came to Wesley started to come to pass. It was her affection for him. The same could be said for Charles Gunn. Fred had experienced affection for him at one point, and I would no sooner hit him then myself, and it had nothing to do with the fact that he had been the one responsible for bringing me to this world and out of the deeper well. I had no problem in hitting Spike, or Angel, or anyone else. Fred did not have great affection for the two vampires. She liked them. I knew that much instantaneously, but she did not love them. With Gunn and Wesley, that was not true.
These emotions had been playing on my mind since I started to understand them with greater measure. Love was something that we would squash in my day. It was no different then thirst or hunger, but being that I was now in these times, I deeply wished to explore love and sexual prowess. I knew Fred’s memories and could feel her pleasure at Gunn thrusting in and out of her, but she had never experienced such pleasure with Wesley, and it was a tragedy to her. She had wanted him, and now, I wanted him.
Wesley was the one to be my guide here, and I wanted so much more then just that, which was difficult if not impossible to accomplish with him ignoring me. Now, he was not ignoring me. Now, at his home, where the walls were still very closed, he was placing an ointment that burned to the touch, both on my face and on my neck. It burned, but eventually soothed. He then opened my top and a warm feeling encompassed me. Was this passion? If it was, other then my injuries which stung, it felt amazing, as he applied the ointment to the strange discolorations on my abdomen.
When he was finished, I looked at him. “Will these medicinal treatments make me feel well enough to kill this devil and come back and help punish Hamilton for doing this to me, later, when Angel phones us?”
[Wesley]