i always come crawling back
okay. so here it is:
i admit that writing that comment on emily's journal was a little low. but honestly, i dont know. i love brandon so much. and i really dont know why. we never talk anymore. i really don't think i would have anything against him if i didnt care about him so much. and sometimes, when he's standing there talking to emily or ellie and ignoring me, i feel like pulling a gun out of my pocket and shooting myself in the head would make things a lot less painful. i was talking to chris about all this today and he was like "why do you care so much?" and it really got me thinking.. why do i care so much? i guess after what happened this summer things can never really go back to how they were. but i have this strange attachment to him. he's only person on this planet who i can't think about with out crying. i associate so much pain with his name. and when he walks on the bus in the morning and looks right past me, it just twists the knife.
so maybe i've been a bitch lately. to everyone. and i'm sorry. i don't mean to piss people off or make people angry with me. i just have this uncanny ability to upset people. every little thing has just piled on and on and i have had this lump in my throat for a good two weeks. and it's not okay to make excuses. because there's no excuse to hurt the ones that you love, the people who are always there for you. always. at least most of them are.
brandon seems to have faded into the backdrop. i dont know anything anymore, except that he hates me now. and i just fucked myself over. i always thought brandon and i would be close friends forever. but all it took was some bad advice and an akward week to twist it all around. and now we're not even talking. why? because he blocked me, that's why. and even if he hadn't, he wouldnt want to talk to me anyways.
he's the only person who can make me cry without saying a word.
youknowyouloveme
i admit that writing that comment on emily's journal was a little low. but honestly, i dont know. i love brandon so much. and i really dont know why. we never talk anymore. i really don't think i would have anything against him if i didnt care about him so much. and sometimes, when he's standing there talking to emily or ellie and ignoring me, i feel like pulling a gun out of my pocket and shooting myself in the head would make things a lot less painful. i was talking to chris about all this today and he was like "why do you care so much?" and it really got me thinking.. why do i care so much? i guess after what happened this summer things can never really go back to how they were. but i have this strange attachment to him. he's only person on this planet who i can't think about with out crying. i associate so much pain with his name. and when he walks on the bus in the morning and looks right past me, it just twists the knife.
so maybe i've been a bitch lately. to everyone. and i'm sorry. i don't mean to piss people off or make people angry with me. i just have this uncanny ability to upset people. every little thing has just piled on and on and i have had this lump in my throat for a good two weeks. and it's not okay to make excuses. because there's no excuse to hurt the ones that you love, the people who are always there for you. always. at least most of them are.
brandon seems to have faded into the backdrop. i dont know anything anymore, except that he hates me now. and i just fucked myself over. i always thought brandon and i would be close friends forever. but all it took was some bad advice and an akward week to twist it all around. and now we're not even talking. why? because he blocked me, that's why. and even if he hadn't, he wouldnt want to talk to me anyways.
he's the only person who can make me cry without saying a word.
youknowyouloveme