It been a week of good and bad (mostly bad)
Ok, where did I leave off, since it been awhile since I’ve had the time to update... I had a blast at Carowins! Spent the whole day walking around with my friend Amber, getting lots of food and riding all the pretty roller coasters. I bought Jonah a stuffed Monkey to. Its purple, green and orange and it has a belly button! Then Sunday night I had to stay up to 5 in the morning to finish my honors project for Environmental Science. Then I had to wake up at 6 to go to school. I went to Mom's first sonogram to. It was so cool, cuz I saw the baby and I saw it's heartbeat and everything. Tuesday was me and Jonah's one month so we skipped first period. Then I ended up having this really bad dream that night and my week has been pretty shitty since.
Wednesday, I had a meeting for swim team and a meet, then everything went all to hell. I ran 2 laps around the track for warm up and my ankle just went "Nope I'm not working anymore." I don't know what wrong with it, but its killing me. I’m probably out of commission for the rest of the season, which really sucks. Thursday, nothing really happened, except for me being in a really bad mood all day for no reason. Oh, and everybody begging my mother to let me go camping this weekend, which she changed her mind about a millions times and finally said no. Then today was a really bad day. I’ve just been all blah, cuz Jonah is leaving this weekend, and I don’t get to see him or talk to him till Sunday night, which I probably won’t even get to then, cuz he’ll get home and have to go to church. Then mom and I were fighting like hell in the car today because she won’t let me go on this camping trip, because she “knows me” and there won’t be a chaperone that she knows, not like a billion teachers aren’t gonna be there. Not like I’d be stupid enough to screw up on a school function like that anyway. Excuse me for wanting to get out of my house for the weekend. So I was informed of what a stupid selfish bitch I am and how I should be beating myself up every sec of everyday of everything I’ve ever done wrong, especially the last big one, and how she did when she got pregnant with me, how she wasn’t even able to talk to anybody, blah blah, how I’ve screwed everything up my whole life, and how if I’m not adultish enough to take responsibility than I just need to drop out of everything I’m doing right now, cuz she isn’t gonna let me go anywhere, and just basically how horrible of a person I am. Now I know that doesn’t really sound to bad, but this is my mother. I can deal with anybody saying shit about me, but when it comes to my mother, I have no barriers and everything she says like that cuts deep into my soul and just hurts me almost more than I can bare. So I’ve spent the night bawling my eyes out.
I agree with my therapist, Angie. She told me on Thursday that I just need to move the fuck out of my house as soon as I can and get on some damn Zanex. And she worded it exactly like that. I love her, she’s so great.
So Monday, after I’ve gone all weekend with out getting to even talk to Jonah, I have to go to an appointment for my ankle, then I have a dentist appointment in the afternoon, cuz I had a filling come out awhile ago. Then I have a psychiatrist app. on Tuesday, an app with Angie on Wed. And mid-terms on Thursday and Friday. Then I get freedom. I’m out of school starting Oct. 11th and don’t go back till the 18th. Its gonna be great. Jonah said something about actually going on a real date next weekend to, but I doubt that will happen. Something will go wrong, I’m sure.
Somebody shoot me in the head please!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t take much more of this fucken house!
Wednesday, I had a meeting for swim team and a meet, then everything went all to hell. I ran 2 laps around the track for warm up and my ankle just went "Nope I'm not working anymore." I don't know what wrong with it, but its killing me. I’m probably out of commission for the rest of the season, which really sucks. Thursday, nothing really happened, except for me being in a really bad mood all day for no reason. Oh, and everybody begging my mother to let me go camping this weekend, which she changed her mind about a millions times and finally said no. Then today was a really bad day. I’ve just been all blah, cuz Jonah is leaving this weekend, and I don’t get to see him or talk to him till Sunday night, which I probably won’t even get to then, cuz he’ll get home and have to go to church. Then mom and I were fighting like hell in the car today because she won’t let me go on this camping trip, because she “knows me” and there won’t be a chaperone that she knows, not like a billion teachers aren’t gonna be there. Not like I’d be stupid enough to screw up on a school function like that anyway. Excuse me for wanting to get out of my house for the weekend. So I was informed of what a stupid selfish bitch I am and how I should be beating myself up every sec of everyday of everything I’ve ever done wrong, especially the last big one, and how she did when she got pregnant with me, how she wasn’t even able to talk to anybody, blah blah, how I’ve screwed everything up my whole life, and how if I’m not adultish enough to take responsibility than I just need to drop out of everything I’m doing right now, cuz she isn’t gonna let me go anywhere, and just basically how horrible of a person I am. Now I know that doesn’t really sound to bad, but this is my mother. I can deal with anybody saying shit about me, but when it comes to my mother, I have no barriers and everything she says like that cuts deep into my soul and just hurts me almost more than I can bare. So I’ve spent the night bawling my eyes out.
I agree with my therapist, Angie. She told me on Thursday that I just need to move the fuck out of my house as soon as I can and get on some damn Zanex. And she worded it exactly like that. I love her, she’s so great.
So Monday, after I’ve gone all weekend with out getting to even talk to Jonah, I have to go to an appointment for my ankle, then I have a dentist appointment in the afternoon, cuz I had a filling come out awhile ago. Then I have a psychiatrist app. on Tuesday, an app with Angie on Wed. And mid-terms on Thursday and Friday. Then I get freedom. I’m out of school starting Oct. 11th and don’t go back till the 18th. Its gonna be great. Jonah said something about actually going on a real date next weekend to, but I doubt that will happen. Something will go wrong, I’m sure.
Somebody shoot me in the head please!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t take much more of this fucken house!