(no subject)
So. I've finally figured out what changed for me over the period of time that I didn't update my livejournal. I had given up on guys. Now that I've gotten my hopes up, and then had them completely shattered once again, I feel exactly like I did before. Back in like October, when I used to update. My realization that I cannot compete with these other girls, they all have way more to give than me. I don't know why. When I'm in the mall and see a hot guy, I wonder if he notices me, then I think to myself, "Why would he? Look at all these beautiful girls around me with shorts skirts and their skinny stomachs hanging out. Why would he chose to look at me when there are all of these other pretty girls to pick from?" Now that I've gone and crushed again, I feel the same as I did when I had the livejournal before. Like my ultimate reason for living is to be the girl that never gets the guy. And not only is it that I can't compete with these girls, but the guys I actually think I have a chance with already have a girl. So there's no point in pursuing. My luck sucks. I never had a boyfriend, and I never will. I need to learn to get that through my head now.