All Aboard the Failboat; Twimoms Attempt to Clean Up Act
Hello again, my magnificent readers! I know it’s been a while since we first tentatively tested the Twimom forums’ murkiest waters, and I apologize! As much as I’d like to pretend it’s because my life has been achingly busy, it’s not. It’s because I am a lazy, filthy sloth, and have been laying about uselessly, spending the first couple weeks of my summer vacay in nigh coma status. While these sleepy weeks have been quite refreshing, it’s time for me to get back on the internet ball. So I thought that my first order of business would be a new installment of some creepy Twimom screencaps!
But shock!
Horror!
Agony.
Where has the ♥ Hotties ♥ forum gone??
Apparently our favorite matriarchs have been doing a little housecleaning (not the real kind, silly!), and have done away with it. Well, not entirely. Instead, they’ve introduced an access-by-special-request-only area called "The Basement". No, I’m not making an incredibly funny joke about them being homemakers and also creepy. That is in fact what they’ve named it.
Even more intriguingly, the Moms seem to be tightening the reins on content, further updating their "Keep It Clean" policy. What I found interesting about this was that it went down after our previous installment. I’m not going to assume any actual linkage of the events, but it’s certainly a funny coincidence.
Still, the wank soldiers on. So our insider sent an email straightaway requesting the proverbial key to this proverbial room, hoping for plenty of entirely nonproverbial creepiness.
And here it is.
Yes, there is a thread in Vampire Physiology concerning vampire "mating". And one just about sex in BD.
Feeling a little too queasy this time around to sludge through the mating thread, but wanting to give you guys a peek anyhow, here is the latest page’s most prominent conversation:
Yeah, it’s definitely about lube. Vampire lube.
But I just ate, so I’m not about to backtrack through that thread. Let’s keep it vanilla this time and see how they’re doing back at the heart of the Twimom forums; the Robert Pattinson thread in ♥ Sigh & Swoon ♥.
JessLynn is a teacher who wishes she could browse Twimoms at work. Those pesky kids, hungry for knowledge!
Esme’s Protogee, on the other hand, can access it at work, and is having difficulty juggling career and celebrity photographs. Being a modern woman is so difficult!
At least she’s in good company. edwards_obsession has the same ish, trying to keep the window hidden from her coworkers and boss.
Then the topic of Rob / Edward dreams is brought up. Oh boy, we’ve been through this.
But JRHatto raises the bar to a weird, meta level, explaining that she dreamt about posting about Rob on the forums. And isn’t sure if it’s a good dream or not. Uh, we can help you figure that one out.
marci.hearts.edward complains about her intrusive spouse’s needs, and then dismisses them, choosing to honor Rob’s alleged wishes instead.
Did you know Robert can also serve as inspiration for cleaning? Incredible! Gone are the days of being bothered by how dirty the house is being a hint that you should clean. Robert will control your schedule from now on.
Yes, Rob can be all-consuming. He even affects vision, as artistically recreated here. Poor KStew.
Robert also may provoke loss of coordination. And an increase in appetite for sparkly graphics.
They have seemed to have formed some kind of club, known as the RAA. I have no idea what this is, but I’m going to go out on a limb and hypothesize that it may stand for the Robert Appreciation Association. Or like, Rapists Almost Anonymous. Who knows.
ferrarimum asks if she’s the only one who has sensorial hallucinations about Robert’s skin. I sure hope so.
There’s another funny trend the ladies exhibit. In keeping with the tighter ‘Clean’ policy, whenever they feel like they’re about to enter the proverbial gutter, they say things like this:
edwards_obsession thinks they’re going to need something bigger.
ferrarimum persists.
Someone opts out of the barge in favor of straddling him, but hopes that imagery isn’t too "untoward".
Later, the sheer idea of Robert in the New Moon movie sends these mothers into an emotional flurry.
What bleak as fuck toilet paper commercials has she been watching?
RAA! RAA! RAA!
Ugh, husbands and kids again! It’s so inconvenient when they bring up their need for food.
Also, since this is at least the second time the misspelling has appeared, I’d like to point out that ogle is spelled O-G-L-E. I don’t know what oogle is, unless the Twimoms have developed some Google Images spinoff solely devoted to hotties. Which, you know, not a bad idea. Get on that, Rhonda.
But let’s end this on an appropriately depressing note.
That may actually work in the husband’s favor, for once.
Source: Twimoms.
But shock!
Horror!
Agony.
Where has the ♥ Hotties ♥ forum gone??
Apparently our favorite matriarchs have been doing a little housecleaning (not the real kind, silly!), and have done away with it. Well, not entirely. Instead, they’ve introduced an access-by-special-request-only area called "The Basement". No, I’m not making an incredibly funny joke about them being homemakers and also creepy. That is in fact what they’ve named it.
Even more intriguingly, the Moms seem to be tightening the reins on content, further updating their "Keep It Clean" policy. What I found interesting about this was that it went down after our previous installment. I’m not going to assume any actual linkage of the events, but it’s certainly a funny coincidence.
Still, the wank soldiers on. So our insider sent an email straightaway requesting the proverbial key to this proverbial room, hoping for plenty of entirely nonproverbial creepiness.
And here it is.
Yes, there is a thread in Vampire Physiology concerning vampire "mating". And one just about sex in BD.
Feeling a little too queasy this time around to sludge through the mating thread, but wanting to give you guys a peek anyhow, here is the latest page’s most prominent conversation:
Yeah, it’s definitely about lube. Vampire lube.
But I just ate, so I’m not about to backtrack through that thread. Let’s keep it vanilla this time and see how they’re doing back at the heart of the Twimom forums; the Robert Pattinson thread in ♥ Sigh & Swoon ♥.
JessLynn is a teacher who wishes she could browse Twimoms at work. Those pesky kids, hungry for knowledge!
Esme’s Protogee, on the other hand, can access it at work, and is having difficulty juggling career and celebrity photographs. Being a modern woman is so difficult!
At least she’s in good company. edwards_obsession has the same ish, trying to keep the window hidden from her coworkers and boss.
Then the topic of Rob / Edward dreams is brought up. Oh boy, we’ve been through this.
But JRHatto raises the bar to a weird, meta level, explaining that she dreamt about posting about Rob on the forums. And isn’t sure if it’s a good dream or not. Uh, we can help you figure that one out.
marci.hearts.edward complains about her intrusive spouse’s needs, and then dismisses them, choosing to honor Rob’s alleged wishes instead.
Did you know Robert can also serve as inspiration for cleaning? Incredible! Gone are the days of being bothered by how dirty the house is being a hint that you should clean. Robert will control your schedule from now on.
Yes, Rob can be all-consuming. He even affects vision, as artistically recreated here. Poor KStew.
Robert also may provoke loss of coordination. And an increase in appetite for sparkly graphics.
They have seemed to have formed some kind of club, known as the RAA. I have no idea what this is, but I’m going to go out on a limb and hypothesize that it may stand for the Robert Appreciation Association. Or like, Rapists Almost Anonymous. Who knows.
ferrarimum asks if she’s the only one who has sensorial hallucinations about Robert’s skin. I sure hope so.
There’s another funny trend the ladies exhibit. In keeping with the tighter ‘Clean’ policy, whenever they feel like they’re about to enter the proverbial gutter, they say things like this:
edwards_obsession thinks they’re going to need something bigger.
ferrarimum persists.
Someone opts out of the barge in favor of straddling him, but hopes that imagery isn’t too "untoward".
Later, the sheer idea of Robert in the New Moon movie sends these mothers into an emotional flurry.
What bleak as fuck toilet paper commercials has she been watching?
RAA! RAA! RAA!
Ugh, husbands and kids again! It’s so inconvenient when they bring up their need for food.
Also, since this is at least the second time the misspelling has appeared, I’d like to point out that ogle is spelled O-G-L-E. I don’t know what oogle is, unless the Twimoms have developed some Google Images spinoff solely devoted to hotties. Which, you know, not a bad idea. Get on that, Rhonda.
But let’s end this on an appropriately depressing note.
That may actually work in the husband’s favor, for once.
Source: Twimoms.