Disappointments stop by from time to time.
Honestly, has my faith fallen so far away from me? Has it fallen as far away as I think it has..
Sadly, I believe so.
My day to day musings have quickly turned cynical, bitter and jaded.
I no longer find pride in saying that I will "pray for someone" because I don't know whether or not it will truly help. In all the years of lost and unanswered prayers, I've slowly lost my faith in the power of prayer. More often than not, I find myself replacing that phrase with "let me know if there's anything I can do." And to be quite honest with you, it's very disheartening. Before all of my experiences - all of my disappointments - led me to this life of disillusionment, I lived on my prayers. They helped me through the day. I couldn't have made it without my Rock. Now, I find myself relying on myself and no one else. I don't rely on friends, because they only disappoint me. And more and more lately, I've stopped relying on prayer, because it seems none of them are answered. Disappointments seem to be nipping closely at my heels at every turn.. and not the least of these are my unanswered prayers.
It's disheartening.. but after one has gone through so many trials and tribulations of the caliber that I have experienced, things change. You become bitter.. cynical... jaded.. and independent. You rely on yourself more than you rely on others - including God.
Have I lost my faith? Or is it in hiding?
Sadly, I believe so.
My day to day musings have quickly turned cynical, bitter and jaded.
I no longer find pride in saying that I will "pray for someone" because I don't know whether or not it will truly help. In all the years of lost and unanswered prayers, I've slowly lost my faith in the power of prayer. More often than not, I find myself replacing that phrase with "let me know if there's anything I can do." And to be quite honest with you, it's very disheartening. Before all of my experiences - all of my disappointments - led me to this life of disillusionment, I lived on my prayers. They helped me through the day. I couldn't have made it without my Rock. Now, I find myself relying on myself and no one else. I don't rely on friends, because they only disappoint me. And more and more lately, I've stopped relying on prayer, because it seems none of them are answered. Disappointments seem to be nipping closely at my heels at every turn.. and not the least of these are my unanswered prayers.
It's disheartening.. but after one has gone through so many trials and tribulations of the caliber that I have experienced, things change. You become bitter.. cynical... jaded.. and independent. You rely on yourself more than you rely on others - including God.
Have I lost my faith? Or is it in hiding?