(for ergone) The Gray Area
For: ergone
Title: The Gray Area
Pairing: Jongin/Chanyeol
Word Count: ~5,300 words
Rating: R
Warnings: Angst
Summary: Chanyeol and Jongin live in two different worlds. It’s winter when the worlds meet, and it’s winter when they fall apart.
Author's Note: Heavily inspired by the song “Winter” by Mree and lightly inspired by two amazing and similar yet different books, 1984 by George Orwell and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.
“You wrote a poem,” said the Elder Shade. “A free-verse poem.”
“Yes,” Jongin replied, feeling his hands sweating against each other as he gripped them as hard as he could. The Elder Shade took a deep breath, his black eyes glinting back at Jongin. He was angry.
“You are aware, I’m sure, that free-verse is not an acceptable form of poetry?” The Elder Shade finally spoke once again. He stood, walking around his ebony desk across the obsidian floor to Jongin. “Jongin, literature is about rules. It is about technique. It is about style. It is not about self-expression. For self-expression makes us…” he motioned for Jongin to continue, and Jongin knew the rest of the phrase well.
“For self-expression makes us weak and naive,” he said.
“And to whom do we leave extraneous emotions?”
“We leave extraneous emotions to the lustful Ashes, for they know nothing of sophistication,” Jongin recited.
“Precisely,” the Elder Shade said, sitting back down in his inky chair. “You will now return to your lodgings and complete the assignment in the proper manner.”
Jongin nodded. “Yes, sir,” he said with a curt bow. He turned to leave, but the Elder Shade had one last word to put in.
“Jongin,” he said, and Jongin turned around. “Do not envy the Ashes. While they have an abundance of emotions, they have no intelligence. And to be without intelligence is to be without the meaning of life itself. They live for nothing, Jongin. Do not envy them.”
“Yes, sir,” Jongin replied, bowing again, but the Elder Shade’s words had mostly gone over his head. Jongin couldn’t help but envy the Ashes. He wanted their blissful ignorance. He wanted their lavish luxury. But Jongin was a Shade. He couldn’t have those things.
He exited Shadow Hall, across the sable Shadow Plaza to his apartment.
Jongin lived in an academy building. He knew he was fortunate, to be allowed to attend the academy and to live in the center of Shadow City. He had his own fully furnished apartment - everything sophisticated, sleek and black. He realized his fortune, and yet he could never be fully satisfied because Jongin had always seen himself as a little different than the other Shades.
He had always had trouble keeping up with his studies. He liked reading old books, the kinds that were about imaginary things, things people thought about before creativity was banned. He envied those who were allowed to design buildings and write Shade Side music, because they were the only ones allowed to have any sort of imagination. Worst of all, though, he found himself wanting to dance - an activity that was strictly prohibited on the Shade Side.
He now found himself on the precipice of adulthood, waiting to finish this final assignment for the Elder Shade at the academy. Then he would become a writer for the Shade Side Chronicle. Everything he wrote and said would be overseen and controlled by the Council of Ten and the Elder Shade. He was allowed to do nothing else for the rest of his life.
The Ashes may have lived for nothing, but Jongin couldn’t comprehend the purpose of his life much better than theirs.
“Come to bed,” Saeyeong whined. “Chanyeollie, come to bed. I want to try the new toy I got yesterday.”
“Just a second,” Chanyeol told her, sitting away from the white mass of pillows and blankets in a small chair. “I want to finish this section.” The gauzy curtains fluttered in the autumn breeze that came through their window, and Saeyeong sighed, pulling a pair of lacy panties on before sidling up to Chanyeol. She pressed her bare breasts to Chanyeol’s back, looking over his shoulder.
“How can you even read books?” she asked, sounding bored. “That’s for the Shades. They can be boring and smart. At least we have fun.”
“Books are fun, Saeyeong,” Chanyeol tried to convince her. “And this book especially. It’s about the discovery of the Gray Area. It’s a true story.”
“Ew, history,” Saeyeong stuck out her tongue. “And how can you tell the difference between those little symbols, anyway? They all look the same to me.”
Chanyeol perked up, looking at her eagerly. “I can teach you how to read, if you want!” But Saeyeong made a disgusted face.
“No,” she said, waving him off, “I don’t care. Unless it’ll get some sex out of you, then maybe.” She reached down, tweaking one of Chanyeol’s nipples. “How about it?”
Chanyeol bit his lip reluctantly. “I really want to finish this section, though.” He looked up at her with a guilty expression, and she just sighed.
“Fine, I’ll just go join Inyoung and Jimin for now. All-girl threesomes are fun too,” she shrugged. She got up to head down the hall, not bothering to put on any more clothes. Before she left, she turned back to Chanyeol. “Hey, there’s an orgy tonight. You’re coming, right?”
Chanyeol looked up. “Uh...maybe?” He glanced down at the book, and Saeyeong sighed, knowing that ‘maybe’ meant ‘if I finish this book.’
“Suit yourself. If you get horny, I’m just down the hall.” She stalked off, her hips swaying behind her. She was pretty, if Chanyeol was being honest. She had big breasts, pale skin, a nice face. She wasn’t bad to hang out with, either, but she just wasn’t enough for Chanyeol. Nobody seemed to be.
He knew he was lucky to live in the House of Pleasures. Only the most beautiful Ashes were allowed to live there. They were allowed to be pleasured and give pleasure whenever they wanted, wherever in the House they wanted. The orgies held at the House were envied all over the Ash Side. He knew of his fortune, and yet, he wasn’t satisfied. Chanyeol had always seen himself as a little different than the other Ashes.
For one, he was almost certain he was the only Ash of his generation who knew how to read. He’d always had an interest in structured activities, like writing and playing music. Chanyeol was one of the most technically skilled guitar players on the Ash Side, and he had always been praised for the passion he put into the music. Sometimes he’d be hired to play at orgies, which was nice, because then he didn’t have to participate. That was another thing. Chanyeol didn’t enjoy orgies. He preferred the idea of having one partner, and only that partner. But it was an idea that most people scoffed at, because why just love one person when he could love hundreds?
Chanyeol was an adult, but he had been doing the same thing with his life since he was fifteen. He wanted to learn. He wanted to know about things, have some sort of reason to be alive. A passion besides guitar and running away from orgies. But he’d never get any further in his life than this.
He envied the Shades, because they had intelligence, which was all Chanyeol ever wanted.
Foreword from “The Legend of the Gray Area” by Heo Aerin
Nobody knows where legends come from. Some say they come from the Shades, because they have elaborate historical record-keeping methods. Some say they come from the Ashes, because they have the ability to come up with fantastical stories.
Some say they come from the Gray Area. This is my belief, and it always has been. The stuff of legends can only come from a people who have mixed traits of both the Shades and the Ashes, intelligence and passion.
The Gray Area exists, though many still affirm that it does not. It lies on an island in the southernmost portion of the River Trast, far away from any Ash or Shade settlement. When Cho Sunah described it in her writings, she described it as a small shanty-town (though I wouldn’t be surprised if by now it was a city), and as a heaven on Earth. So different from both the Shade Side and the Ash Side, and yet similar. The Gray Area was comprised of the good aspects of both cultures.
If the Gray Area is indeed a heaven on Earth, Shades and Ashes from all over should be flocking to it. I would be headed there myself, were I not old and graying. What worries me about both cultures is this: the Shades will never go to the Gray Area because in a matter of five or ten years, they’ll be forbidden from leaving the Shade Side. The Ashes will never go to the Gray Area because they won’t know enough about it, nor will they want to leave the blissful ignorance of their own culture. I don’t know what’s worse - being banned from seeking a better life, or not wanting a better life.
With that being said, I leave you, dear reader, with this: seek out a better life. Just because you are born a Shade doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to express yourself. You have the capacity for expression just as much as an Ash does. Likewise, just because you’re born an Ash doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to seek knowledge. You, too, have the capacity for intelligence, in the same way a Shade does. It is a risk - one that I have long contemplated taking - but it is worth it. Reader, seek out the Gray Area.
- Heo Aerin, 1746 SR
Jongin turned in his new composition - an essay on the geometry of the Shade Side architecture - and he passed with a high score.
But while he was there, the Elder Shade had told something that had lit a fire inside him.
“It would be wise not to waste your Month,” he’d said. Jongin knew what he meant. The Month was given to each Shade who successfully passed his or her exam. It was the only free time they were given between their birth and their retirement (though most Shades passed before reaching retirement; such was the way of the Shades). The Elder Shade had meant for Jongin to use it wisely, according to Shade standards. He meant for Jongin to read and write and copy mathematical proofs. In effect, it wouldn’t be a month of free time at all. It would be a month of the same things Jongin always did.
Then again, those things were supposedly what Shades loved to do. Any normal Shade would enjoy doing calculus problems and reading analytic papers in their free time. Any normal Shade would be perfectly content with the life they were living.
Jongin was not normal. And he didn’t intend to use his Month wisely. He was going away, to the River Trast. He’d heard rumors, as a child in the Facility, that there was an island in the middle of the river where nobody had to live according to Shade standards. He could finally be free.
Of course, when his Month was up, they’d come looking for him. But he felt certain they wouldn’t find him.
And so Jongin departed.
Chanyeol skipped the orgy. He told the others he was just going outside for some fresh air. It was a lie. Chanyeol was packing the few belongings he had; his guitar, the shirt he owned, and even more scandalous were the shoes he owned. He’d stolen them from one of the elders - and he’d felt horrible at the time, but the elder had passed and the only things anyone wanted out of his possessions were the diagrams of sex positions.
He’d never been contented with orgies and constant sex with people he didn’t particularly like to talk to. He wanted his freedom.
Chanyeol was going to the Gray Area.
Excerpt from Chapter Two of “The Truth of the Gray Area” by Park Juhee
It was winter when Chanyeol and Jongin departed their respective homes. Chanyeol had to cross mountains; Jongin had to cross endless marshland.
Hardship was met with perseverance from both of them. They wanted the better life. They wanted the freedom that their cultures wouldn’t or couldn’t give them. They knew that the promise of everything they’d hoped for was right in front of them in the Gray Area - all they had to do was walk.
So they walked. They walked far and long, becoming thirsty and tired and dirty. Both of them succumbed to the fever. Both of them survived after a day or two of rest, almost as if it was fate. It was cold, rainy, bleak. Both of them couldn’t deny having the thought to turn back at least once or twice. But they persevered.
Three days it took Chanyeol. Jongin spent nearly twice that on his journey. And when they reached the River Trast, both of them nearly cried with delight. It wasn’t far for them, they knew. The happiness they’d so craved was within their reach.
As they neared the Gray Area, they also neared each other, and that is where my story really begins. Chanyeol had to cross a long bridge into what was technically Shade territory - but the passage wasn’t guarded, for who expected an Ash to wander that far from home? Jongin, too, had neared the bridge, hoping it was a way to the island he’d been yearning for.
On the last step of that rickety bridge is where Chanyeol and Jongin finally met…
“Oh! Why, you scared me,” Jongin said as a boy tumbled out of the woods in front of him. The boy looked up, grabbing Jongin’s hands.
“You’re beautiful. Your skin...it’s like bronze. Beautiful,” he mused, looking up and down Jongin’s form. The boy looked like he was in a daze, his gaze lingering on Jongin’s face. Jongin felt confused, wondering what in the world this boy was talking about. The boy noticed Jongin’s obvious discomfort, and then his eyes widened. “Oh! You’re a Shade! I’m sorry, um, I know I shouldn’t be here, but -”
“No!” Jongin said quickly. “It’s okay. I’m going to the Gray Area. I’m assuming that’s where you’re headed as well.”
“Yes,” the boy said, nodding. “Do you think it exists?”
“I don’t know. I’ve always been told it doesn’t. I hope it does,” Jongin said. “Ah, my name is Jongin.”
“Oh! Chanyeol. That’s me,” the boy named Chanyeol said. “You’re gorgeous.” Jongin recoiled a bit. “Is that...strange to say? I’ve never met a Shade before. I don’t know your customs.”
Jongin smiled for the first time in weeks, thinking that this was most likely exactly what he needed. “It’s okay. I’m not really normal as far as Shades go, in any case.”
“I feel the same way about myself and Ashes. It must be odd to hear, but did you know I’m the only Ash of my generation to know how to read?”
“Really?” Jongin said, astonished. “I mean...it’s the same for me. I’m the only one who dances.”
“You dance?” Chanyeol asked, looking impressed, and Jongin smiled, nodding. “I’ll play guitar for you to dance to sometime. I mean - assuming you want to go walking around with me. Should we go find the Gray Area together?”
Jongin smiled at Chanyeol, suddenly feeling like perhaps this whole journey was starting to become worth it. “Yes,” he said. “Let’s find our freedom.”
Jongin was beautiful. Jongin was exactly what Chanyeol had been hoping for all along. He was quiet and reserved, and yet Chanyeol could see the spark in his eyes.
They traveled together for days, headed south towards their promise land. At night, they’d stop to rest, and it was on their second night together that Chanyeol took out his guitar.
“Will you dance for me?” he asked his companion, and Jongin smiled happily, nodding with an eagerness reminiscent of a puppy. Chanyeol loved Jongin’s smile. He was unbearably cute, so out of his element as a Shade but willing to embrace everything Chanyeol threw at him. They were learning about each other slowly but surely.
When Chanyeol started playing a self-composed tune on the guitar, Jongin began to sway, completely at ease with dancing before someone who was practically a stranger. His movements were so graceful yet mechanical and Chanyeol felt that this was the reason he started to play guitar at all. He figured somehow it was fate to meet Jongin, to have him dance to one of Chanyeol’s songs.
“You’re amazing,” Chanyeol said, playing still as Jongin continued to dance like a flower petal spinning around in an eddy of wind outside his window at home.
Jongin laughed as he spun. “No, you’re amazing,” Jongin cried. “I thought all Ashes did was have intercourse!” Chanyeol chuckled at Jongin’s use of such a technical term. “But you’re different!”
“You’re different too!” Chanyeol insisted. “I didn’t think Shades would be able to dance even if they tried, but you’re doing an amazing job. Have I told you you’re beautiful?”
“Many times,” Jongin said, pausing to sway back and forth in front of Chanyeol. “I don’t really know what beauty is. But I think you’re beautiful too.”
Chanyeol flushed.
Excerpt from Chapter Seven of “The Legend of the Gray Area” by Heo Aerin
“Love” is defined as an intense emotional attraction. I’ve never understood the concept well, but to me this definition seems lacking. One can love a particular type of food, or the shape of someone’s face. One can love the sound of a bluebird in the winter, or the feel of a puppy’s fur on one’s fingertips. In the past, there were groups called “families,” often comprised of two parents and their children, who lived together for the better parts of their lives. The only reason these groups stayed together was their mutual love.
Perhaps the most strange variety of love is the romantic type. This can be both a sexual attraction as well as an emotional attraction, but it goes deeper than that. There is something about love that brings two people together, has them devoted fully to each other. There are flaws in the relationship, of course, as there are in all relationships. This kind of love, however, implies a mutual understanding, a mutual trust. The two individuals bring happiness to each other. Love is comprised of intimate words just as much as it is comprised of intimate touches.
The reason I discuss love in this chapter is that love is a commonality between Shades and Ashes. The notion is surprising, considering the expectation that Shades would shun the concept of such frilly, extraneous emotions while the Ashes would embrace it. However, that is not so.
Shades have been deprived of the emotion their whole lives, being brought to the Facility at birth and never experiencing familial love. Friendships are frowned upon, and romance is a waste of time. Ashes, similarly, have been so accustomed to sexual relationships that love has no meaning to them. There’s nothing that makes a lover different from an acquaintance.
This deprivation of love will lead Shades and Ashes alike to let it in far more easily than they would have in the past. Shades and Ashes are quick to fall in love...
Jongin loved the feeling of Chanyeol’s body next to his as they slept the winter nights away. There was warmth there, but there was something else along with that. They watched each other fall asleep every night, the light going out of their eyes as the moon hid itself behind snow-filled clouds. They held each other’s hands, soft skin against soft skin. Jongin’s hands shook sometimes. He wondered if it was because he felt so comforted by Chanyeol’s presence it was frightening, or if he was scared about the journey.
In any case, he’d never slept so peacefully as he did when he was held in Chanyeol’s arms.
It snowed nearly every day, some days only a dusting, and some days enough to cover the landscape in a blanket of whiteness for as far as they could see. Jongin didn’t mind. One day maybe two weeks into their journey, Chanyeol had the idea to make a snow house, and once he explained his idea, the geometry made perfect sense in Jongin’s mind. They built the house together, creating blocks of packed snow to place on top of the other ones. They lined the ground of their house with the blankets they’d brought along, and inside, for the first time, Chanyeol made love to Jongin.
Jongin had never experienced such a feeling. It was painful and pleasurable at the same time, horrible and wonderful all at once. Chanyeol kissed away the tears on Jongin’s face, holding him gently as he canted his hips forward in a rhythm just like his guitar playing. Jongin couldn’t help but smile as Chanyeol’s breaths became ragged, still kissing Jongin’s face like he was the most precious thing in the world. Jongin let out a long moan when he reached his peak, and when Chanyeol filled him up, he had never felt quite so happy. Chanyeol lay down next to Jongin, both of them warm despite their snow house.
“I love you,” Jongin said. “I don’t know what that even means, but I feel like I love you.”
“I know I love you,” Chanyeol said, kissing Jongin’s plush, swollen lips. “You’re what I came looking for.”
And Jongin knew that Chanyeol was what he came looking for, too.
“How did you hear about the Gray Area?” Chanyeol asked Jongin one morning as they packed their belongings and went on their way. “For me, I read a book written by a Shade like forty years ago. How about you?”
“I heard stories when I was very young, in the Facility. There were two children my age whose parents had run away with them. They’d been heading to the Gray Area when they were caught, and the children were taken to the Facility. I don’t know what happened to the parents. But the children remembered where they were going. They told me and some other children the story. I think I’m the only one who cared.”
“Caught?” Chanyeol asked, suddenly feeling nervous. “They were caught by who?”
“The authorities,” Jongin said, as if it was obvious. Chanyeol didn’t understand why Jongin wasn’t considering that small fact.
“Are you forbidden from going to the Gray Area?” he asked.
“We’re forbidden from going anywhere at all,” Jongin told him, pecking him on the cheek as he picked up a blanket, wrapping it up.
“Will people come after you?” Chanyeol asked, and Jongin pondered his answer for a moment before turning back to Chanyeol.
“Yes,” he replied, “but they don’t know where I’ve gone. And I’ll have a month or so head start. If I can get to the Gray Area before they find me, I should be safe.”
“And if not?”
“If not...then this is all the time we have,” Jongin said, smiling in a way that said he wasn’t sure of himself.
“All I need is time,” Chanyeol said, taking Jongin’s waist gently. “We’ll find the Gray Area.” Jongin kissed Chanyeol’s lips lovingly, softly, and finally. Chanyeol knew that Jongin didn’t mean the kiss to feel so terminal, but Chanyeol couldn’t help feeling a sense of foreboding start to pool in his gut. He hadn’t asked the one question that was biting at his mind. How much time do we have?
Excerpt from Chapter Nine of “The Truth of the Gray Area” by Park Juhee
...Jongin, before he left Shadow City, had made the fortuitous decision to bring a map with him on the journey. It came in handy when Chanyeol and Jongin had finally reached the area that they had hoped to reach. There was no island on the map, but Jongin told Chanyeol that he was certain it had just been censored by the Shade government. All they had to do was cross the river, and it would be in front of them.
The problem was finding a boat. Neither of them knew how to make such a thing, so they had to depend on finding one.
They expected it to be difficult, but when they found one on the shoreline of the River Trast, buried in a bank of snow, they counted themselves lucky. It allowed them just a little more time with each other, playing guitar and dancing on the Shade Side before they crossed to the Gray Area.
It took them two hours to reach the shore, and after another hour of walking across the island, they came to realize a disheartening fact...
The island was deserted. It was too quiet, covered in a thin quilt of snow and barren trees and nothing else, with cold, gray water lapping up at the shore. Jongin let go of Chanyeol’s hand, and Chanyeol looked at him with concern. Jongin was more than disappointed - he was devastated.
Jongin collapsed on the ground, tears pooling in his eyes. “There’s nothing here,” he wept. “There’s nothing here. The Gray Area doesn’t exist after all.”
Chanyeol shook his head, kneeling down in front of Jongin and taking his hands gently. “We’re here,” Chanyeol said quietly, holding Jongin’s hands in his own. “Jongin, I think we are the Gray Area.”
Jongin looked up at Chanyeol, tears rolling down his cheeks. “If we are, we’re misaligned,” he said, and though it didn’t quite make sense, Jongin knew that Chanyeol knew what he meant. Because the Gray Area wasn’t a place, Jongin would be taken away. All they needed was time. Maybe if they’d come at another time, it would have worked out. They could have been together forever.
“How much time do we have?” Chanyeol asked, and Jongin let out a strangled sigh.
“Three, four days before they come looking for me,” Jongin told him, trying not to let tears fall again. “Chanyeol, I love you. I don’t want to leave you.”
“I know,” Chanyeol said, hugging Jongin tight as snow began to fall once again from the sad gray sky, the flakes clinging to Jongin’s black hair. “I know. I love you too.”
Jongin resolved to make the most of their time together. “Let’s build another snow house. And I’ll leave you with enough kisses to last a lifetime.”
“I love you,” Chanyeol said, kissing Jongin softly. “I wanted the Gray Area to be real as much as you did. I’ll never be satisfied now when I go back home. But you - what’s going to happen to you? I can’t bear the thought of you having to suffer…”
Jongin smiled, tears falling anew. He reached a bronze hand out to touch Chanyeol’s snow white face, thumbing across his cheekbone. “I could never suffer thanks to you. Just thinking of you will make me happy.” It was true, but at the same time, Jongin was scared. He didn’t know what would happen. He knew it wouldn’t be good. Chanyeol returned Jongin’s melancholy smile, and Jongin told himself not to cry anymore. He wanted the last moments of the most perfect time of his life to be happy.
“Let’s build the snow house.”
They made love again that night, loving and slow and prolonged. Jongin had never felt so electric and relaxed, savoring the sensation of Chanyeol’s arms holding his waist protectively. He couldn’t remember how many times he told Chanyeol he loved him that night, or how many times he heard the words whispered into his own ears.
It wasn’t enough.
Chanyeol was sleeping peacefully, Jongin wrapped up against his chest securely in his arms, when he woke with a start.
Something wasn’t right. He knew this would happen. There was something off. He was used to sleeping with lots of noise, having lived in the House of Pleasures, but this was not like the kind of noise of well-sexed people.
“Jongin,” he said urgently. This was bad. “Jongin, wake up. Listen to me. I love you, I love you so much, you’re amazing, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re creative, you’re the only one I’ve ever loved and I am so so so glad I found you.”
Jongin rubbed his eyes, frowning. “They’re here, aren’t they?” Jongin asked, and Chanyeol nodded somberly.
“I’m almost positive,” he said. “That’s why...Jongin, you’re everything to me and I will never forget you. Please...if you can help it...don’t forget me either.”
“I won’t,” Jongin said, biting his lips. “You’re everything to me too, Chanyeol. You and I are the Gray Area and that’s all I’ve wanted my entire life. I love you,” he trailed off in a sob. Chanyeol kissed him pressingly, over and over and over again until one of the walls of their snow house was bashed in by the butt of a gun.
“Jongin of Shadow City, you’ve misused your Month,” said the soldier who looked down at the two of them. “The Elder Shade has ordered your capture.”
“No,” Jongin said shakily, clinging to Chanyeol. Chanyeol couldn't speak. He was so scared and devastated at the same time. He’d held out hope that this wouldn’t happen.
“I’m afraid you don’t have a choice,” the soldier replied, motioning for the other soldiers to come over. Chanyeol stood, ready to fight for Jongin, but the soldiers overwhelmed him easily, pulling Jongin away from him. Jongin let out a cry, reaching out for Chanyeol.
“Chanyeol!” he screamed. “No, no, leave me alone!”
“Jongin!” Chanyeol sobbed, trying to pull away from the soldiers who were taking Jongin further and further away from him.
“Wake up, Jongin,” the soldier said, “this isn’t reality.”
“I am already awake!” Jongin screamed at him. “Chanyeol, I’m yours! I’m yours! I’ll always be yours!” he cried before Jongin was stuffed into the back compartment of a silent airship. Jongin was out of his sight, and the last thing Chanyeol remembered before one of the soldiers pierced his skin with a syringe full of tranquilizer were the tear tracks on Jongin’s beautiful, beautiful face.
Epilogue from “The Truth of the Gray Area” by Park Juhee
Chanyeol and Jongin never saw each other again. Chanyeol made his way back to the Ash Side, where only a few people had noticed he’d even gone, and nobody had worried. But they noticed a change in his personality. Chanyeol, who’d been strange before, was suddenly even more odd. He was quiet, sad, reserved. He stopped attending orgies altogether, even to play guitar. He moved away from the House of Pleasures into another, smaller house in the Town. He never forgot about Jongin.
That’s where I come in. I didn’t live in the House of Pleasures, and I had always been an overly curious child. There was one house in the Town whose resident I didn’t know, so one day when I was eight, I knocked on the door.
A man opened the door. He was beautiful, even for a man of his age. Soft lines had set into his face, his eyes were a clear gray.
“I’m Juhee, and I want you to tell me your story,” I’d said. He smiled at me, gladly inviting me inside, and that was the start of my friendship with Chanyeol.
Chanyeol taught me to read, how to dance, how to play guitar. He taught me to write and research. And he told me his story. He never found out what happened to Jongin. I don’t dare research it, for fear of finding out something horrible. I’d rather leave it up to my imagination - and his - that Jongin is living happily with his memories of Chanyeol.
Heo Aerin was wrong, in a way, and Cho Sunah was a wonderful storyteller. The Gray Area, though, is real. It’s not a city or an island. It’s a state of being, a transcendence of the geography-based roles we’re assigned. It is a heaven on Earth. And it’s also a hell, because the Gray Area, by default, cannot last long.
I’ll always hope that one day, Ashes decide to educate themselves, that Shades decide to change authority. Because if the two could live peacefully together, the Gray Area will be everywhere. Forever.
- Park Juhee, 1800 SR
Title: The Gray Area
Pairing: Jongin/Chanyeol
Word Count: ~5,300 words
Rating: R
Warnings: Angst
Summary: Chanyeol and Jongin live in two different worlds. It’s winter when the worlds meet, and it’s winter when they fall apart.
Author's Note: Heavily inspired by the song “Winter” by Mree and lightly inspired by two amazing and similar yet different books, 1984 by George Orwell and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.
“You wrote a poem,” said the Elder Shade. “A free-verse poem.”
“Yes,” Jongin replied, feeling his hands sweating against each other as he gripped them as hard as he could. The Elder Shade took a deep breath, his black eyes glinting back at Jongin. He was angry.
“You are aware, I’m sure, that free-verse is not an acceptable form of poetry?” The Elder Shade finally spoke once again. He stood, walking around his ebony desk across the obsidian floor to Jongin. “Jongin, literature is about rules. It is about technique. It is about style. It is not about self-expression. For self-expression makes us…” he motioned for Jongin to continue, and Jongin knew the rest of the phrase well.
“For self-expression makes us weak and naive,” he said.
“And to whom do we leave extraneous emotions?”
“We leave extraneous emotions to the lustful Ashes, for they know nothing of sophistication,” Jongin recited.
“Precisely,” the Elder Shade said, sitting back down in his inky chair. “You will now return to your lodgings and complete the assignment in the proper manner.”
Jongin nodded. “Yes, sir,” he said with a curt bow. He turned to leave, but the Elder Shade had one last word to put in.
“Jongin,” he said, and Jongin turned around. “Do not envy the Ashes. While they have an abundance of emotions, they have no intelligence. And to be without intelligence is to be without the meaning of life itself. They live for nothing, Jongin. Do not envy them.”
“Yes, sir,” Jongin replied, bowing again, but the Elder Shade’s words had mostly gone over his head. Jongin couldn’t help but envy the Ashes. He wanted their blissful ignorance. He wanted their lavish luxury. But Jongin was a Shade. He couldn’t have those things.
He exited Shadow Hall, across the sable Shadow Plaza to his apartment.
Jongin lived in an academy building. He knew he was fortunate, to be allowed to attend the academy and to live in the center of Shadow City. He had his own fully furnished apartment - everything sophisticated, sleek and black. He realized his fortune, and yet he could never be fully satisfied because Jongin had always seen himself as a little different than the other Shades.
He had always had trouble keeping up with his studies. He liked reading old books, the kinds that were about imaginary things, things people thought about before creativity was banned. He envied those who were allowed to design buildings and write Shade Side music, because they were the only ones allowed to have any sort of imagination. Worst of all, though, he found himself wanting to dance - an activity that was strictly prohibited on the Shade Side.
He now found himself on the precipice of adulthood, waiting to finish this final assignment for the Elder Shade at the academy. Then he would become a writer for the Shade Side Chronicle. Everything he wrote and said would be overseen and controlled by the Council of Ten and the Elder Shade. He was allowed to do nothing else for the rest of his life.
The Ashes may have lived for nothing, but Jongin couldn’t comprehend the purpose of his life much better than theirs.
“Come to bed,” Saeyeong whined. “Chanyeollie, come to bed. I want to try the new toy I got yesterday.”
“Just a second,” Chanyeol told her, sitting away from the white mass of pillows and blankets in a small chair. “I want to finish this section.” The gauzy curtains fluttered in the autumn breeze that came through their window, and Saeyeong sighed, pulling a pair of lacy panties on before sidling up to Chanyeol. She pressed her bare breasts to Chanyeol’s back, looking over his shoulder.
“How can you even read books?” she asked, sounding bored. “That’s for the Shades. They can be boring and smart. At least we have fun.”
“Books are fun, Saeyeong,” Chanyeol tried to convince her. “And this book especially. It’s about the discovery of the Gray Area. It’s a true story.”
“Ew, history,” Saeyeong stuck out her tongue. “And how can you tell the difference between those little symbols, anyway? They all look the same to me.”
Chanyeol perked up, looking at her eagerly. “I can teach you how to read, if you want!” But Saeyeong made a disgusted face.
“No,” she said, waving him off, “I don’t care. Unless it’ll get some sex out of you, then maybe.” She reached down, tweaking one of Chanyeol’s nipples. “How about it?”
Chanyeol bit his lip reluctantly. “I really want to finish this section, though.” He looked up at her with a guilty expression, and she just sighed.
“Fine, I’ll just go join Inyoung and Jimin for now. All-girl threesomes are fun too,” she shrugged. She got up to head down the hall, not bothering to put on any more clothes. Before she left, she turned back to Chanyeol. “Hey, there’s an orgy tonight. You’re coming, right?”
Chanyeol looked up. “Uh...maybe?” He glanced down at the book, and Saeyeong sighed, knowing that ‘maybe’ meant ‘if I finish this book.’
“Suit yourself. If you get horny, I’m just down the hall.” She stalked off, her hips swaying behind her. She was pretty, if Chanyeol was being honest. She had big breasts, pale skin, a nice face. She wasn’t bad to hang out with, either, but she just wasn’t enough for Chanyeol. Nobody seemed to be.
He knew he was lucky to live in the House of Pleasures. Only the most beautiful Ashes were allowed to live there. They were allowed to be pleasured and give pleasure whenever they wanted, wherever in the House they wanted. The orgies held at the House were envied all over the Ash Side. He knew of his fortune, and yet, he wasn’t satisfied. Chanyeol had always seen himself as a little different than the other Ashes.
For one, he was almost certain he was the only Ash of his generation who knew how to read. He’d always had an interest in structured activities, like writing and playing music. Chanyeol was one of the most technically skilled guitar players on the Ash Side, and he had always been praised for the passion he put into the music. Sometimes he’d be hired to play at orgies, which was nice, because then he didn’t have to participate. That was another thing. Chanyeol didn’t enjoy orgies. He preferred the idea of having one partner, and only that partner. But it was an idea that most people scoffed at, because why just love one person when he could love hundreds?
Chanyeol was an adult, but he had been doing the same thing with his life since he was fifteen. He wanted to learn. He wanted to know about things, have some sort of reason to be alive. A passion besides guitar and running away from orgies. But he’d never get any further in his life than this.
He envied the Shades, because they had intelligence, which was all Chanyeol ever wanted.
Foreword from “The Legend of the Gray Area” by Heo Aerin
Nobody knows where legends come from. Some say they come from the Shades, because they have elaborate historical record-keeping methods. Some say they come from the Ashes, because they have the ability to come up with fantastical stories.
Some say they come from the Gray Area. This is my belief, and it always has been. The stuff of legends can only come from a people who have mixed traits of both the Shades and the Ashes, intelligence and passion.
The Gray Area exists, though many still affirm that it does not. It lies on an island in the southernmost portion of the River Trast, far away from any Ash or Shade settlement. When Cho Sunah described it in her writings, she described it as a small shanty-town (though I wouldn’t be surprised if by now it was a city), and as a heaven on Earth. So different from both the Shade Side and the Ash Side, and yet similar. The Gray Area was comprised of the good aspects of both cultures.
If the Gray Area is indeed a heaven on Earth, Shades and Ashes from all over should be flocking to it. I would be headed there myself, were I not old and graying. What worries me about both cultures is this: the Shades will never go to the Gray Area because in a matter of five or ten years, they’ll be forbidden from leaving the Shade Side. The Ashes will never go to the Gray Area because they won’t know enough about it, nor will they want to leave the blissful ignorance of their own culture. I don’t know what’s worse - being banned from seeking a better life, or not wanting a better life.
With that being said, I leave you, dear reader, with this: seek out a better life. Just because you are born a Shade doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to express yourself. You have the capacity for expression just as much as an Ash does. Likewise, just because you’re born an Ash doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to seek knowledge. You, too, have the capacity for intelligence, in the same way a Shade does. It is a risk - one that I have long contemplated taking - but it is worth it. Reader, seek out the Gray Area.
- Heo Aerin, 1746 SR
Jongin turned in his new composition - an essay on the geometry of the Shade Side architecture - and he passed with a high score.
But while he was there, the Elder Shade had told something that had lit a fire inside him.
“It would be wise not to waste your Month,” he’d said. Jongin knew what he meant. The Month was given to each Shade who successfully passed his or her exam. It was the only free time they were given between their birth and their retirement (though most Shades passed before reaching retirement; such was the way of the Shades). The Elder Shade had meant for Jongin to use it wisely, according to Shade standards. He meant for Jongin to read and write and copy mathematical proofs. In effect, it wouldn’t be a month of free time at all. It would be a month of the same things Jongin always did.
Then again, those things were supposedly what Shades loved to do. Any normal Shade would enjoy doing calculus problems and reading analytic papers in their free time. Any normal Shade would be perfectly content with the life they were living.
Jongin was not normal. And he didn’t intend to use his Month wisely. He was going away, to the River Trast. He’d heard rumors, as a child in the Facility, that there was an island in the middle of the river where nobody had to live according to Shade standards. He could finally be free.
Of course, when his Month was up, they’d come looking for him. But he felt certain they wouldn’t find him.
And so Jongin departed.
Chanyeol skipped the orgy. He told the others he was just going outside for some fresh air. It was a lie. Chanyeol was packing the few belongings he had; his guitar, the shirt he owned, and even more scandalous were the shoes he owned. He’d stolen them from one of the elders - and he’d felt horrible at the time, but the elder had passed and the only things anyone wanted out of his possessions were the diagrams of sex positions.
He’d never been contented with orgies and constant sex with people he didn’t particularly like to talk to. He wanted his freedom.
Chanyeol was going to the Gray Area.
Excerpt from Chapter Two of “The Truth of the Gray Area” by Park Juhee
It was winter when Chanyeol and Jongin departed their respective homes. Chanyeol had to cross mountains; Jongin had to cross endless marshland.
Hardship was met with perseverance from both of them. They wanted the better life. They wanted the freedom that their cultures wouldn’t or couldn’t give them. They knew that the promise of everything they’d hoped for was right in front of them in the Gray Area - all they had to do was walk.
So they walked. They walked far and long, becoming thirsty and tired and dirty. Both of them succumbed to the fever. Both of them survived after a day or two of rest, almost as if it was fate. It was cold, rainy, bleak. Both of them couldn’t deny having the thought to turn back at least once or twice. But they persevered.
Three days it took Chanyeol. Jongin spent nearly twice that on his journey. And when they reached the River Trast, both of them nearly cried with delight. It wasn’t far for them, they knew. The happiness they’d so craved was within their reach.
As they neared the Gray Area, they also neared each other, and that is where my story really begins. Chanyeol had to cross a long bridge into what was technically Shade territory - but the passage wasn’t guarded, for who expected an Ash to wander that far from home? Jongin, too, had neared the bridge, hoping it was a way to the island he’d been yearning for.
On the last step of that rickety bridge is where Chanyeol and Jongin finally met…
“Oh! Why, you scared me,” Jongin said as a boy tumbled out of the woods in front of him. The boy looked up, grabbing Jongin’s hands.
“You’re beautiful. Your skin...it’s like bronze. Beautiful,” he mused, looking up and down Jongin’s form. The boy looked like he was in a daze, his gaze lingering on Jongin’s face. Jongin felt confused, wondering what in the world this boy was talking about. The boy noticed Jongin’s obvious discomfort, and then his eyes widened. “Oh! You’re a Shade! I’m sorry, um, I know I shouldn’t be here, but -”
“No!” Jongin said quickly. “It’s okay. I’m going to the Gray Area. I’m assuming that’s where you’re headed as well.”
“Yes,” the boy said, nodding. “Do you think it exists?”
“I don’t know. I’ve always been told it doesn’t. I hope it does,” Jongin said. “Ah, my name is Jongin.”
“Oh! Chanyeol. That’s me,” the boy named Chanyeol said. “You’re gorgeous.” Jongin recoiled a bit. “Is that...strange to say? I’ve never met a Shade before. I don’t know your customs.”
Jongin smiled for the first time in weeks, thinking that this was most likely exactly what he needed. “It’s okay. I’m not really normal as far as Shades go, in any case.”
“I feel the same way about myself and Ashes. It must be odd to hear, but did you know I’m the only Ash of my generation to know how to read?”
“Really?” Jongin said, astonished. “I mean...it’s the same for me. I’m the only one who dances.”
“You dance?” Chanyeol asked, looking impressed, and Jongin smiled, nodding. “I’ll play guitar for you to dance to sometime. I mean - assuming you want to go walking around with me. Should we go find the Gray Area together?”
Jongin smiled at Chanyeol, suddenly feeling like perhaps this whole journey was starting to become worth it. “Yes,” he said. “Let’s find our freedom.”
Jongin was beautiful. Jongin was exactly what Chanyeol had been hoping for all along. He was quiet and reserved, and yet Chanyeol could see the spark in his eyes.
They traveled together for days, headed south towards their promise land. At night, they’d stop to rest, and it was on their second night together that Chanyeol took out his guitar.
“Will you dance for me?” he asked his companion, and Jongin smiled happily, nodding with an eagerness reminiscent of a puppy. Chanyeol loved Jongin’s smile. He was unbearably cute, so out of his element as a Shade but willing to embrace everything Chanyeol threw at him. They were learning about each other slowly but surely.
When Chanyeol started playing a self-composed tune on the guitar, Jongin began to sway, completely at ease with dancing before someone who was practically a stranger. His movements were so graceful yet mechanical and Chanyeol felt that this was the reason he started to play guitar at all. He figured somehow it was fate to meet Jongin, to have him dance to one of Chanyeol’s songs.
“You’re amazing,” Chanyeol said, playing still as Jongin continued to dance like a flower petal spinning around in an eddy of wind outside his window at home.
Jongin laughed as he spun. “No, you’re amazing,” Jongin cried. “I thought all Ashes did was have intercourse!” Chanyeol chuckled at Jongin’s use of such a technical term. “But you’re different!”
“You’re different too!” Chanyeol insisted. “I didn’t think Shades would be able to dance even if they tried, but you’re doing an amazing job. Have I told you you’re beautiful?”
“Many times,” Jongin said, pausing to sway back and forth in front of Chanyeol. “I don’t really know what beauty is. But I think you’re beautiful too.”
Chanyeol flushed.
Excerpt from Chapter Seven of “The Legend of the Gray Area” by Heo Aerin
“Love” is defined as an intense emotional attraction. I’ve never understood the concept well, but to me this definition seems lacking. One can love a particular type of food, or the shape of someone’s face. One can love the sound of a bluebird in the winter, or the feel of a puppy’s fur on one’s fingertips. In the past, there were groups called “families,” often comprised of two parents and their children, who lived together for the better parts of their lives. The only reason these groups stayed together was their mutual love.
Perhaps the most strange variety of love is the romantic type. This can be both a sexual attraction as well as an emotional attraction, but it goes deeper than that. There is something about love that brings two people together, has them devoted fully to each other. There are flaws in the relationship, of course, as there are in all relationships. This kind of love, however, implies a mutual understanding, a mutual trust. The two individuals bring happiness to each other. Love is comprised of intimate words just as much as it is comprised of intimate touches.
The reason I discuss love in this chapter is that love is a commonality between Shades and Ashes. The notion is surprising, considering the expectation that Shades would shun the concept of such frilly, extraneous emotions while the Ashes would embrace it. However, that is not so.
Shades have been deprived of the emotion their whole lives, being brought to the Facility at birth and never experiencing familial love. Friendships are frowned upon, and romance is a waste of time. Ashes, similarly, have been so accustomed to sexual relationships that love has no meaning to them. There’s nothing that makes a lover different from an acquaintance.
This deprivation of love will lead Shades and Ashes alike to let it in far more easily than they would have in the past. Shades and Ashes are quick to fall in love...
Jongin loved the feeling of Chanyeol’s body next to his as they slept the winter nights away. There was warmth there, but there was something else along with that. They watched each other fall asleep every night, the light going out of their eyes as the moon hid itself behind snow-filled clouds. They held each other’s hands, soft skin against soft skin. Jongin’s hands shook sometimes. He wondered if it was because he felt so comforted by Chanyeol’s presence it was frightening, or if he was scared about the journey.
In any case, he’d never slept so peacefully as he did when he was held in Chanyeol’s arms.
It snowed nearly every day, some days only a dusting, and some days enough to cover the landscape in a blanket of whiteness for as far as they could see. Jongin didn’t mind. One day maybe two weeks into their journey, Chanyeol had the idea to make a snow house, and once he explained his idea, the geometry made perfect sense in Jongin’s mind. They built the house together, creating blocks of packed snow to place on top of the other ones. They lined the ground of their house with the blankets they’d brought along, and inside, for the first time, Chanyeol made love to Jongin.
Jongin had never experienced such a feeling. It was painful and pleasurable at the same time, horrible and wonderful all at once. Chanyeol kissed away the tears on Jongin’s face, holding him gently as he canted his hips forward in a rhythm just like his guitar playing. Jongin couldn’t help but smile as Chanyeol’s breaths became ragged, still kissing Jongin’s face like he was the most precious thing in the world. Jongin let out a long moan when he reached his peak, and when Chanyeol filled him up, he had never felt quite so happy. Chanyeol lay down next to Jongin, both of them warm despite their snow house.
“I love you,” Jongin said. “I don’t know what that even means, but I feel like I love you.”
“I know I love you,” Chanyeol said, kissing Jongin’s plush, swollen lips. “You’re what I came looking for.”
And Jongin knew that Chanyeol was what he came looking for, too.
“How did you hear about the Gray Area?” Chanyeol asked Jongin one morning as they packed their belongings and went on their way. “For me, I read a book written by a Shade like forty years ago. How about you?”
“I heard stories when I was very young, in the Facility. There were two children my age whose parents had run away with them. They’d been heading to the Gray Area when they were caught, and the children were taken to the Facility. I don’t know what happened to the parents. But the children remembered where they were going. They told me and some other children the story. I think I’m the only one who cared.”
“Caught?” Chanyeol asked, suddenly feeling nervous. “They were caught by who?”
“The authorities,” Jongin said, as if it was obvious. Chanyeol didn’t understand why Jongin wasn’t considering that small fact.
“Are you forbidden from going to the Gray Area?” he asked.
“We’re forbidden from going anywhere at all,” Jongin told him, pecking him on the cheek as he picked up a blanket, wrapping it up.
“Will people come after you?” Chanyeol asked, and Jongin pondered his answer for a moment before turning back to Chanyeol.
“Yes,” he replied, “but they don’t know where I’ve gone. And I’ll have a month or so head start. If I can get to the Gray Area before they find me, I should be safe.”
“And if not?”
“If not...then this is all the time we have,” Jongin said, smiling in a way that said he wasn’t sure of himself.
“All I need is time,” Chanyeol said, taking Jongin’s waist gently. “We’ll find the Gray Area.” Jongin kissed Chanyeol’s lips lovingly, softly, and finally. Chanyeol knew that Jongin didn’t mean the kiss to feel so terminal, but Chanyeol couldn’t help feeling a sense of foreboding start to pool in his gut. He hadn’t asked the one question that was biting at his mind. How much time do we have?
Excerpt from Chapter Nine of “The Truth of the Gray Area” by Park Juhee
...Jongin, before he left Shadow City, had made the fortuitous decision to bring a map with him on the journey. It came in handy when Chanyeol and Jongin had finally reached the area that they had hoped to reach. There was no island on the map, but Jongin told Chanyeol that he was certain it had just been censored by the Shade government. All they had to do was cross the river, and it would be in front of them.
The problem was finding a boat. Neither of them knew how to make such a thing, so they had to depend on finding one.
They expected it to be difficult, but when they found one on the shoreline of the River Trast, buried in a bank of snow, they counted themselves lucky. It allowed them just a little more time with each other, playing guitar and dancing on the Shade Side before they crossed to the Gray Area.
It took them two hours to reach the shore, and after another hour of walking across the island, they came to realize a disheartening fact...
The island was deserted. It was too quiet, covered in a thin quilt of snow and barren trees and nothing else, with cold, gray water lapping up at the shore. Jongin let go of Chanyeol’s hand, and Chanyeol looked at him with concern. Jongin was more than disappointed - he was devastated.
Jongin collapsed on the ground, tears pooling in his eyes. “There’s nothing here,” he wept. “There’s nothing here. The Gray Area doesn’t exist after all.”
Chanyeol shook his head, kneeling down in front of Jongin and taking his hands gently. “We’re here,” Chanyeol said quietly, holding Jongin’s hands in his own. “Jongin, I think we are the Gray Area.”
Jongin looked up at Chanyeol, tears rolling down his cheeks. “If we are, we’re misaligned,” he said, and though it didn’t quite make sense, Jongin knew that Chanyeol knew what he meant. Because the Gray Area wasn’t a place, Jongin would be taken away. All they needed was time. Maybe if they’d come at another time, it would have worked out. They could have been together forever.
“How much time do we have?” Chanyeol asked, and Jongin let out a strangled sigh.
“Three, four days before they come looking for me,” Jongin told him, trying not to let tears fall again. “Chanyeol, I love you. I don’t want to leave you.”
“I know,” Chanyeol said, hugging Jongin tight as snow began to fall once again from the sad gray sky, the flakes clinging to Jongin’s black hair. “I know. I love you too.”
Jongin resolved to make the most of their time together. “Let’s build another snow house. And I’ll leave you with enough kisses to last a lifetime.”
“I love you,” Chanyeol said, kissing Jongin softly. “I wanted the Gray Area to be real as much as you did. I’ll never be satisfied now when I go back home. But you - what’s going to happen to you? I can’t bear the thought of you having to suffer…”
Jongin smiled, tears falling anew. He reached a bronze hand out to touch Chanyeol’s snow white face, thumbing across his cheekbone. “I could never suffer thanks to you. Just thinking of you will make me happy.” It was true, but at the same time, Jongin was scared. He didn’t know what would happen. He knew it wouldn’t be good. Chanyeol returned Jongin’s melancholy smile, and Jongin told himself not to cry anymore. He wanted the last moments of the most perfect time of his life to be happy.
“Let’s build the snow house.”
They made love again that night, loving and slow and prolonged. Jongin had never felt so electric and relaxed, savoring the sensation of Chanyeol’s arms holding his waist protectively. He couldn’t remember how many times he told Chanyeol he loved him that night, or how many times he heard the words whispered into his own ears.
It wasn’t enough.
Chanyeol was sleeping peacefully, Jongin wrapped up against his chest securely in his arms, when he woke with a start.
Something wasn’t right. He knew this would happen. There was something off. He was used to sleeping with lots of noise, having lived in the House of Pleasures, but this was not like the kind of noise of well-sexed people.
“Jongin,” he said urgently. This was bad. “Jongin, wake up. Listen to me. I love you, I love you so much, you’re amazing, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re creative, you’re the only one I’ve ever loved and I am so so so glad I found you.”
Jongin rubbed his eyes, frowning. “They’re here, aren’t they?” Jongin asked, and Chanyeol nodded somberly.
“I’m almost positive,” he said. “That’s why...Jongin, you’re everything to me and I will never forget you. Please...if you can help it...don’t forget me either.”
“I won’t,” Jongin said, biting his lips. “You’re everything to me too, Chanyeol. You and I are the Gray Area and that’s all I’ve wanted my entire life. I love you,” he trailed off in a sob. Chanyeol kissed him pressingly, over and over and over again until one of the walls of their snow house was bashed in by the butt of a gun.
“Jongin of Shadow City, you’ve misused your Month,” said the soldier who looked down at the two of them. “The Elder Shade has ordered your capture.”
“No,” Jongin said shakily, clinging to Chanyeol. Chanyeol couldn't speak. He was so scared and devastated at the same time. He’d held out hope that this wouldn’t happen.
“I’m afraid you don’t have a choice,” the soldier replied, motioning for the other soldiers to come over. Chanyeol stood, ready to fight for Jongin, but the soldiers overwhelmed him easily, pulling Jongin away from him. Jongin let out a cry, reaching out for Chanyeol.
“Chanyeol!” he screamed. “No, no, leave me alone!”
“Jongin!” Chanyeol sobbed, trying to pull away from the soldiers who were taking Jongin further and further away from him.
“Wake up, Jongin,” the soldier said, “this isn’t reality.”
“I am already awake!” Jongin screamed at him. “Chanyeol, I’m yours! I’m yours! I’ll always be yours!” he cried before Jongin was stuffed into the back compartment of a silent airship. Jongin was out of his sight, and the last thing Chanyeol remembered before one of the soldiers pierced his skin with a syringe full of tranquilizer were the tear tracks on Jongin’s beautiful, beautiful face.
Epilogue from “The Truth of the Gray Area” by Park Juhee
Chanyeol and Jongin never saw each other again. Chanyeol made his way back to the Ash Side, where only a few people had noticed he’d even gone, and nobody had worried. But they noticed a change in his personality. Chanyeol, who’d been strange before, was suddenly even more odd. He was quiet, sad, reserved. He stopped attending orgies altogether, even to play guitar. He moved away from the House of Pleasures into another, smaller house in the Town. He never forgot about Jongin.
That’s where I come in. I didn’t live in the House of Pleasures, and I had always been an overly curious child. There was one house in the Town whose resident I didn’t know, so one day when I was eight, I knocked on the door.
A man opened the door. He was beautiful, even for a man of his age. Soft lines had set into his face, his eyes were a clear gray.
“I’m Juhee, and I want you to tell me your story,” I’d said. He smiled at me, gladly inviting me inside, and that was the start of my friendship with Chanyeol.
Chanyeol taught me to read, how to dance, how to play guitar. He taught me to write and research. And he told me his story. He never found out what happened to Jongin. I don’t dare research it, for fear of finding out something horrible. I’d rather leave it up to my imagination - and his - that Jongin is living happily with his memories of Chanyeol.
Heo Aerin was wrong, in a way, and Cho Sunah was a wonderful storyteller. The Gray Area, though, is real. It’s not a city or an island. It’s a state of being, a transcendence of the geography-based roles we’re assigned. It is a heaven on Earth. And it’s also a hell, because the Gray Area, by default, cannot last long.
I’ll always hope that one day, Ashes decide to educate themselves, that Shades decide to change authority. Because if the two could live peacefully together, the Gray Area will be everywhere. Forever.
- Park Juhee, 1800 SR