means
Time again for change.
I read my posts from before, try to see where I left off. Like always, try to make the pieces fit.
I hope to God I'm not the only one who changes how I feel about my life every 5 minutes. Sometimes it's so good, I feel like I have direction, and talent, and good friends and a pretty face. Sometimes I want to run off a bridge, my friends get on my nerves, I'm going nowhere, and I'm going to be full of regret when I'm old and alone.
So updates... last I posted I was working at Home depot. Selling credit. Fucking miserable corporate routine. I quit to work for a lady in a private nursing home out of her house, taking care of the elderly. It was less pay, but I thought I would enjoy it more, and it would be more flexible for school. Cooking, cleaning, listening. I loved it, but it turns out "private" is just another way of saying "we don't want to follow the state's rules". Things that just didn't settle. Needless to say it didn't work out. I only worked there a month. Then onto New York City Sub Shop downtown. Good job. Back to coffee, which I knew and was good at. 2 months later they went out of business. I was out of work for a month (and loved it til I ran out of cash) until I found a job yesterday at True Value. I start Monday.
Still living with Riley. Mixed feelings there. Thats another one of those unresolved irresolute, constantly vacillating situations. I know in my heart that he is an amazing person. That he is deep, and passionate, and thoughtful. but you know, no situation i have encountered with him since the dawn of our pathetic relationship has given evidence that any of that is true. When we first got together, I was really attracted to his mind, I would stare at him and think to myself what an incredible person this must be. He was jittery, which I dismissed as unattended ADD, and we had really awkward rough sex, which I blamed on the fact that we didn't know each other well and didn't know each others styles yet. turns out he was high out of his skull the first like 5 months we dated. The boy I fell in love with is a drug addict. Clean and sober now, because of me. Now I'm stuck to him.
I met niel. Kyle's missing older brother. Missing in that he was the one i never met. Came into town to visit Vinny I guess. I went to meet them and was STUNNED at how alike they look. I spoke to Niel and saw Kyle(spineless sex-addicted liars the both of them). I gave him the couple of important things of kyles that I kept after the eventual he's-never-coming-to-get-this-shit-so-its-going toss I made a couple months ago. All loose ends tied, all final pages turned, after years of being broken up he is finally out of my life.
All my friends are getting married. Having babies.
Still live with the boy.
Still in my apartment.
Jobs come and go.
Still don't know who the hell I am.
I read my posts from before, try to see where I left off. Like always, try to make the pieces fit.
I hope to God I'm not the only one who changes how I feel about my life every 5 minutes. Sometimes it's so good, I feel like I have direction, and talent, and good friends and a pretty face. Sometimes I want to run off a bridge, my friends get on my nerves, I'm going nowhere, and I'm going to be full of regret when I'm old and alone.
So updates... last I posted I was working at Home depot. Selling credit. Fucking miserable corporate routine. I quit to work for a lady in a private nursing home out of her house, taking care of the elderly. It was less pay, but I thought I would enjoy it more, and it would be more flexible for school. Cooking, cleaning, listening. I loved it, but it turns out "private" is just another way of saying "we don't want to follow the state's rules". Things that just didn't settle. Needless to say it didn't work out. I only worked there a month. Then onto New York City Sub Shop downtown. Good job. Back to coffee, which I knew and was good at. 2 months later they went out of business. I was out of work for a month (and loved it til I ran out of cash) until I found a job yesterday at True Value. I start Monday.
Still living with Riley. Mixed feelings there. Thats another one of those unresolved irresolute, constantly vacillating situations. I know in my heart that he is an amazing person. That he is deep, and passionate, and thoughtful. but you know, no situation i have encountered with him since the dawn of our pathetic relationship has given evidence that any of that is true. When we first got together, I was really attracted to his mind, I would stare at him and think to myself what an incredible person this must be. He was jittery, which I dismissed as unattended ADD, and we had really awkward rough sex, which I blamed on the fact that we didn't know each other well and didn't know each others styles yet. turns out he was high out of his skull the first like 5 months we dated. The boy I fell in love with is a drug addict. Clean and sober now, because of me. Now I'm stuck to him.
I met niel. Kyle's missing older brother. Missing in that he was the one i never met. Came into town to visit Vinny I guess. I went to meet them and was STUNNED at how alike they look. I spoke to Niel and saw Kyle(spineless sex-addicted liars the both of them). I gave him the couple of important things of kyles that I kept after the eventual he's-never-coming-to-get-this-shit-so-its-going toss I made a couple months ago. All loose ends tied, all final pages turned, after years of being broken up he is finally out of my life.
All my friends are getting married. Having babies.
Still live with the boy.
Still in my apartment.
Jobs come and go.
Still don't know who the hell I am.